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 Dec 2020
Nylee
How insecure am I
It comes out in waves
as I call out the names
it's been ever the same
as far, since I was five.

I see them
looking at me,
they can sense my nervous energy,
I can see the anxiety building up
Overflowing the cup
as I grow old.

I am okay
without anybody
But I change immediately
as I sense someone
around me.

It's just me
I feel everyone judging me,
I want high scores
but I can't act right,
I know it is impossible
to please everyone
but at those times
I just forget even to try,
it's how I am.

I do know,
I am getting negatives
because of my inactions
but I cannot calm my nerves.
It is the heart hammering
On the walls loudly,
It is hard.

My eyes
vulnerable to all eyes,
Can't you see that I
am afraid?

I am an open book
with empty lines,
with doodles at sides,
this is my mind
with more scribbles.

I can't grow like this,
I've to get over this
the world is merciless,
won't give another chance
this is it, miss the hit
you go back home.

I am nervous, I am unsure,
I am a mess, looking for cure,
my best attempt of smile
is like another big failure,
I try to speak up, more words
they flow with stammer.
 Sep 2020
Nylee
who is the winner,
who is the loser,
ask the ashes, dust and paper.

the papers inked from history
what does it really tell.

the victor of half the world,
he had to surrender too,
who is the real victor
when the time came
and even the greatest empire fell!

A single word in history,
maybe not even that,
like losing identity
with a swish of a spell

Ink the story,
blue, black, deep
where I haven't even been
My ancestor's glory
won't keep the gleam
the light will fade off
the coming years will tell.

A select, an opportunity, a calling
it is coming with the wind,
but what does it really mean
what does it sell?

wise words,
and nothing, well!

No name for the fame,
a letter to begin,
but it is the end, expel.

My end, and yours
we'd leave the world,
leave behind our body
what of the legacy,
is there even one?
I'd be in places,
earth, heaven or hell
!

would it matter even,
I am going off empty hand
my hands that type won't accompany even.
 Sep 2020
Nylee
My imagination turned wild
I made you true in my head
You were beautiful and kind
So perfectly defined
Physically so similar
But in fantasy, you were divine
One of the kind.

I like my mind's craft
Not you, you are too human
When I see you in contrast
You don't hold a flame
You are not the same
You are not who I crave.

You never hurt me with words,
Actions are very just,
And you care about me,
Not you, but the one in the head
You are not even a shadow
In his bright light,
But he makes me sad too
By not existing in this world
.
 Sep 2020
Nylee
When you keep on compromising
      forgo something for someone
          you are building someone's expectation
        and a slightly false picture of you
  because they will make you let go of everything
thinking it is natural for you.
 Sep 2020
Nylee
I can't help myself but I'm really sorry
for all the times I caused you the sorrow
my anger and my humor gets the best of me
and it is too late now.

I'm sorry that I'm so much me
my thoughts, my words and my actions repeating
they cause you, her and him so much hurt
I'll never live peacefully till I feel those burns.

I've often been careless, reckless and tactless,
thinking from the limits of just my head
if only had I spoken less too
when I didn't understand the bigger picture.

After hour or so, I repeat in my head what I did
what I was doing, playing a fool
giving grief to the humans just like me
who are living in the world just like this.

Sorry to everyone,
sorry for every word spoken
sorry to you, her and him
can't say enough but I am really sorry
I should never be forgiven
.
 Sep 2020
Nylee
Some pray to not feel guilty
because they know
they've made someone unhappy
not intentionally, no
but for our pleasure, maybe
Right, wrong, don't follow
it escapes our mind till its too late
that it becomes unnecessary
to just say sorry
.
 Sep 2020
Nylee
wherever I will go
he'll move away
tilted reality
unaware, I am,
he's passing me
changing his paths
so we never meet ever
but we are together
for a second
holding our breath
blinking our eyes
beneath the blue skies
.
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