You.
Do you know or care
Who you are?
Have you ever tried
To look a bit far
And find some more about
You?
I will reveal
If you believe
And vow to be
As destined,
I will speak on
Why you were born,
And what’s the deal with
You.
But be aware,
As I do share,
You must partake
For your own sake
Now in this quest,
And try your best
To find more meaning in
You.

You are a hold
In which this world
Hides its treasures
To others, unheard.
You are the sound,
From a source not found,
With secrets of future,
And purpose of nature,
You.
You are the truth
That time conceived,
You are the womb
That needs no seed.
You are a wonder,
You are a dream,
And this world a sky,
Where dreams do fly,
You.
You are a vision,
A divine mission,
Power manifest
Through life’s contests.
You are the fruit.
Meant for the altar,
Altar most high
Where justice resides,
You.
What more you need?
Do you believe?
My blood, my kin,
You are in you
A wonderful thing.
You are the change
This world can be
You are the eye
Of this gyre,
You.
If not to you
To whom this plea?
If not for you
Who could lead?
If you won’t stand,
If you won’t bleed
What good this day
You choose to live?
You.

The silvers of your hair
Testify your golden days
At my love's expense.
Neatly parted in lines,
Along the same paths
Where fingers once rode.
Your lauded wisdom,
Your crown of experience,
Flattened to perfection.
Sometimes wind disturbs
The crafted monotony
To take you back.
Willing, unwillingly,
You live your golden days
At my love's expense.

It's a new season now,
But I still hold the snow
from last winter when
you left me frozen
fed by a cold, cold heart.

If ever the sun shines
too bright, too warm, to ignite,
I will let me burn first
Before the snow melts.
I'd be consumed before
Your memories get touched.

If feelings could be heard,
I would hear a thousand bells
Chiming in autumn wind
Every time you breathe
Too close to my neck.

It takes more than a few words
exchanged in sparse meetings,
It takes more than a few hours
spent in a dark, loud bar,
It takes more than a few rides
taken down unending roads
To turn a person inside out.
And with all that effort, I wonder
if it was worth it. Now I realize,
It was better being Strangers.
I now know, not knowing you
was the best I felt about Us.

Let my beaten heart take console
That you, my dear friend,
Have been, and are by my side.
What but that, I live by?
True as you have been to me,
Your worth is beyond my price.
I might be a lot of things, but not
A deserter. I am the same within.
All I ask is a little more faith
And not ask where I've been all day
For how can I, my dearest, confess
That I have been busy making mistakes.

Below an unsatisfied stomach,
Between tired legs,
I hold your future.
That which you conceal
and exploit as pleasure
That which you call
a Woman's Bane,
I claim it back.
I celebrate - not in victory,
But in vengeance.

In this artery
Of your thoughts
I have claimed
Haves and Nots
Beat down d'pulse
That betrays us
Walk my plains
In exodus
Reach a knot
High and hot
In the deepest
Crevices, revive
Your last hopes
In there lies
Riches of beyond
You'll learn someday
We're always there
Collecting souvenirs
Life after life.

I try to think
Of a million things
To avoid one thought
That is you.
And yet,
It's like reaching out
of a swamp.

The more I try
to get free
The deeper I fall.

Lend me the fabric
of your tears today.
I will weave a tapestry
of undone dreams.
When you remember
To feel it's patterns,
The deep secrets,
Will be yours to seek.
Not words, not woes,
My hopes, I submit
Drink to it sometimes,
A tapestry.

My fallen tree.
Your victory,
In my mortal death.

Ascending to Unknown.
Comfort,
Your dead living.

I had fallen.
I rise.
You await end.

In your anger
you opened your heart.
I saw the picture
you painted of me.
What baseness!
Only recognizable point
is the fullness
of my lips that look
freshly invaded.

Some things never
change, though feelings do.

Feelings change.
Every lub-dub that
disturbs the surface
Shrieks at me - you liar!
You two-faced *****,
Begone! Even Eros dare not
let you be loved again.

A tear or two wash down
the wounds fresh on flesh
Surfacing charred waste
of what you once cherished in me.

There'll never be enough
For this world to feed,
Not debts, nor dough,
Not deaths will cease.
Who cares for joy
In living with less,
With lives to destroy
For personal progress.
Their legacy they build
Over ****** and lies,
But don't heed us,
As fools, we cry.

As the world keeps watch
Over each coin and grain,
We teach giving,
And living in pain.
Our audacity must
Pay you a dear price,
Make examples of us
For all to despise.
Forget us.
We're just
Fools in a paradise.

The day
undated,
The moment
unannounced,
The experience
unexpected.

Helplessness.

I met him on board the van,
Fiery and uncontrollable
against the heavily guarded windows.
He fought not with fists,
His weapons were slogans and songs
that shook the foundations
of a corrupt seat, a corrupt army.

How many times I had seen
him march the corridors,
His eyes set, his voice strong,
He was the face of freedom
and the fight for it.
To see him the same in the van,
it warmed my heart, gave me courage.

It was all over in a minute
A confusion, a push, a fall
And a flight outside the van.

They say he hit the limits
and his head exposed to all.
Some say it was a violent blow
And the "Gods" struck him down...
The rallies have broken,
People are back to cribbing
But none would walk his path
They fear, and rightly so,the aftermath.

I looked down a high cliff
at a restless ocean below,
I climbed the proud mountains
crowned with lofty clouds,
I reached the serene jungles
sitting in silent pride,
I did not find it...
I visited the richest nawabs
in their castles and towers,
I ate with the lowliest creatures
whom language didn't own,
I met the right-hands and mouths
of Gods we know from pages,
yet, I didn't find it...
At last, lost in thought
I walked by a crowd
Some in white, some in black, some in uniform.
All turned to a majestic but still figure
In an honored embrace of the Tricolour
Twenty-one guns and croaking crows later
I heard a little girl's cry -
"Keta 9GR ko ** ke hoena" - ** ** **
The tears never ceased,
The roar never stopped
With faltering steps, the brave-heart...
There.
I found it,I found inspiration.

(Refer to the notes)

After hours in train
Twisting and turning
Through endless tracks
The country of God
Welcomes me with
Precipitation and sweaty hugs
Love-high shivering grandparents
In a hot ancient house
Surrounded by remnants
Of Dad's childhood.
I share something divine.
I am home, yet not mine

Hope
is to live for more
is to talk of a way
when none's there
is to aim for the sky
with a jump knee-high
is to believe in tomorrow
though highs and lows
is to hold nothing back
while providing for lack
is to live till the end
with sincere intent
is to know of the judgment
and be ready, be content.

I look at you from obscure corners
Your sight is what keeps me going
Those sly smiles, those carefree eyes
Those loaded remarks are my best mates
If I didn't care, i'd take them from you
I'd make them my own to love and to hate
If I didn't care I'd break my rules
To take you in the most intimate embrace
I'd should show you life as you've not known
I would show you life's pretty face.
If I dint care I'd take a lifetime
To know you bit by bit
But fate and luck have abandoned us...
So we go our own ways to live, alone in a crowd
Alone in a world full of people we pretend to care.

Price of your company...
To kneel in absence,
believing in miracles
for a non-existent presence
after a brief incident.
Take me to my grave,
Let me take a peek
and decide if it's time.
Don't worry my living.
I have been at it,
Forever living, forever digging.

The last few evenings have been revealing.

A few discarded mugs,
A few balled sheets
of paper and what not,
A few dreams half painted
on cheap chart papers.
In all that mess, a single voice
soundlessly telling stories...

There was never much to say,
There was never much to hear.

If only living could be
in the number of charts
and balled sheets,
In mugs used and thrown
about a room that reeks
of neglect and disillusionment.

If only living could be
In the monsoon of mess,
In the drought of tears,
In the freezing of feelings,
In the ocean of fears,
In hands that held,
In shrines visited,
In songs of adulation,
In fingers of accusation,
In hopes and desperation,
Or even in lone portations...

I'd say, I've lived a lifetime,
Sure, I feel old.

I might be wrong
Days have become brighter
Not with sun but sunny smiles
That find their way on my face.

I might be wrong
Tears dont feel painful
As they travel down once familiar path
But they soothe the dry trails.

I might be wrong
But I find new reasons
Crazier than the last
To scale the ways where we had a past.

I might be wrong
My questions get deeper
And answers become more evasive
But it doesnt discourage me.

I might be wrong
But I feel alive again
And I will not stop this quest
Till I get what I seek.

Greetings and thank you for coming,
I'm so grateful for your generosity, in
Fulfilling my need – How charitable.
Please take a seat, please be comfortable.

Kindly ignore the mess and bowing parents,
Adorable, but they are not significant.
Prime are you, with your gaze discern
me, a superwoman, I cook, clean and earn.

I might look fiery but I'm sober and calm.
Feeble, delicate, no threat, no harm.
And oh so fertile! I can bear generations,
But lack a suitable man, and marriage decorations.

So you smile and you nod, should I say it's a Yes?
Oh please, be kind, do not digress.
You are the ones I've been waiting to serve,
I'm just a woman, nothing else to live for.

Taken from the most
Intimate corners and
Crevices of my heart,
Written from the deepest
And darkest ounce
Of my now dried blood,
Shown in the most
Painful and lasting lines
Etched on my palms..

Is the fact you came,
You celebrated,
You exploited, and
You got left behind.
Evidence that I prevail.

It matters not
The number of bottles
Or the number of excuses...
After reaching a point
It matters not
The number of stories
Of injustice and heartbreak...
After saying and doing
It matters not
The number of nights sleepless
And unattended calls....

What matters is, that it matters not.

So many have come and gone
All have found a way
But I'm right where they left me
Taking one step forward
And two steps back.
Now the world has moved on
It looks back and laughs at me
I laugh at me..
They talk in undertones
They smile and smirk
How'd I face them, I've become
An omen of bad luck.

Sometime last night
I woke, I saw you beside me
In an incomplete darkness
I saw the rising and setting,
The warmth and heat, the spell of a skipped hearbeat.

Your eyes only barely closed
Light dancing in the shadow
of your lashes - swift, untamed
Arms still curved in a hug
Where I had snuggled close, Where I had kissed your brows

The whispers of last words
from the night's conversations
Still linger somewhere – ethereal
In a twisted life I have had.
Smoldering a need so alien so new, a need to be with you.

How you knelt and held me,
How you opened your heart,
The flow of words hit me so hard.
The depth and sincerity curled my skin,
I knew, for all that's true I was in, I knew I had fallen in.

You should know how in the heart
of a soul lost, wounded and scarred
You kindled hope, perhaps undeserved
But, I wouldn't rest it just there, I reckoned
I would walk till wherever this led, I would walk it till the end.

If you find an island
Off your lonely sail
Trail the way
Send it back.
Some day, just in case
You decide you need me,
I shall come in find.
Till then, I bob
My way in ocean blind.

Last time it was a liitle different
Last time you were young and I was naive
Last time you had no ego - I had no pride
Last time it wasn't you and me, it was Us
Last time it was like music, not a dull buzz
Last time it was a little different

I wish it were the last of last time
You'd still be a beautiful thought in my mind

This morning I was just me -
Detached from the past, estranged from time
I chased emptiness down the streets
Like a lost soul searching something divine
People walked past, people pushed by
I felt like a complete non-entity
Until you stopped, loooked at me in the eye
And stole away the last bit of sanity

I sat next to you, the sun going down,
Enveloped in the shadowy gown.
The shadows growing longer,
Your eyes shining brighter,
The moonight reflected in them as clearly as in a silent pool.

You smile, you turn away, you laugh.
I can see you shaking with mirth
The straight line of your back bent forward
In your hands a spell that captured beauty, captured moments
And you went back to them, with you me - revelling in nature.

The wind shifting spikes of your hair
There is something magical the way your sad eyes move
They seek peace, they seek love, they seek finesse.
I stutter, I stumble, I might not be any of these.
But I know I would always understand. I would be there.
If not with you, somewhere; still understanding.

The stars are up now, my hope is bright
If not forever, let it be for tonight.

Behold my tradition
I break bonds
To make new ones.
I change name
To renew identity.
I sever roots
And sow new hopes.
I forget reality
To live in dreams.

All in vain.

Hopeless.

Let there be a world
That's more meaningful.
Let there be a world
Where I live for me.

Let there be more.

More dreams, more dares,
More scandalous affairs,
More lust, more zeal,
More unfair deals,
More to every lie,
More rules defied,
Let there be more of these.

Let there be more.

More cream on pies,
More curt than wise,
More sugar, no sweet,
More death, no disease,
More than what you can,
More than every man,
Let there be more of it.

Let there be more,
Till you realise,
You wish for less,
Less would suffice,
To fill the gap of More.

The silent views
they may sigh
In the middle of nights
Spread them like colours of light.
                                   - Najeeb Nayazi

Like it, Hate it
The truth won't change.
You might say religion,
Or mask it in Karma,
Or just call it sad,
That turn of events were.
Like Pontus Pilate
You will never ever
Wash your hand off,
Never Wash off the blood.
Worse, you will never
Be remembered in prayer.
Purgatory will turn on you.
Where will you go
When thousands grab you,
Where will you go
When riots burn you?
For all those who were cut
and burnt even in wombs,
You will answer how?
No Hindutva will save.
No rioter will survive.
Like it, Hate it.

The colors I wished to touch
I finally did on a still wild parrot
Beneath the electric pole
That woke up now and then
In angry alien blabber.

I don't know if I like
Those colors any more.

I sometimes catch me thinking
Of days that were full of fire
I was, maybe, alone - not lonely
In sleepless nights of desires

I remember when words flowed free
And I proudly signed my poems
They were brazen, brave or broken
Some fears unknown and known

I found someone to anchor
An alien feeling seeped
Sunshine and meadows aside
I finally found some sleep

Content in my new comfort
I wrote my judgements raw
Till they ripped the bandaid off
Exposed my secret flaws

No longer a closet poet
They read every truth I wrote
Should I be ashamed, I don't know
But I stopped then for us both

Years have gone by living
And I have no memories to keep
Living at a prolonged ellipsis
I have lost a bit of me

I cannot be true to myself
So I cannot bear to write
Some day I will find courage
Tell me, do I have the fight?

Make peace
Make peace with this world
Be wise, be blind
This life is a dream
With only requiem
The song they sing
Make peace
Make peace with this world
Grey hairs have stopped
Adding strength to thoughts
There is no growth
No learning anymore
Make peace
Make peace with this world
The only one you know
It will die quite slow
With men astray
For violence they pray
Make peace
Make peace with this world at last.

For God's sake
Make up your mind.
You want me or not,
You have a choice.
But your decision
Comes with a price.
Make up you mind,
I don't have the full night.

A rolling raindrop
and ax blade on the bark meet
At cross roads head long.

In raw interiors
Of a quaking savage earth,
The mirror of my heart.

After being approached
After being treasured
After being caressed
After being touched
After being devoured
After being harassed
After being violated
After being enslaved

I realized what a big mistake it was
I realized Mistakes are for Ever.

Your colour
Your texture
Your form
Everything attracts me

There could be no reprieve
There could be no solace

I would sit all day
With you in my head
Let you consume me
As I drink you
Savoring every jolt
Your taste brings to my senses.

If only that stirs me,
Otherwise I am just oblivious
To life and to others.
For them, I'm a drunkard,
For you, your most intimate lover.

My Lord, My Lord
You never said give to you
But in your name I Claim.

My Lord, My Lord
You ever loved me more
But I took you to the cross.

My Lord, My Lord
You promised forgiveness
But I condemned all others.

My Lord, My Lord
I knock on your doors
Why have you forsaken me?

Nkem,
With endless love,
with faith
A heart, they say, is won.
In that hope
these thousand nights
But mine, to claim, is none.
Nkem,
Are a thousand nights
all I can get
For you, for me, for us?
A thousand lonely
Nights in wait
For one night to be just.
Nkem,
Let it be sung,
A song out loud
A song of love and pain,
So that never
a thousand nights'
Vigil be gone in vain.

One Evening
Four words
New Beginning
Of Hopes
Of Desires
Of Conflicts

One Night
Few Confessions
Towards Termination
Of Dreams
Of Plans
Of Peace

On some days
I feel overwhelmed
While on some other days
I feel like an idiot
For feeling and expressing
For confessing and exposing
More than what people expect.
Sadly, they expect me to be
More than they expected
And I expect, to be all and more.

The gunman is a friend.
He was born in this street
He played in our arms
We saw him bawl and grow
Feel the pain of being alive
We turned our heads on time
To ignore the early signs
"Oye boy! Get outta here."
Let him live in fear
He's a problem, not mine.
He'll do just fine.
If not, we can always say
The gunman is no friend,
Just another headline.