Stay up late just for conversation
A brand new face and a fascination
Passing compliments and smiles as if they're going out of style
Something seems familiar and it's something so peculiar
Hours on the phone usually don't pass the time but for some reason time moved faster than my favorite season
There's no doubt in my mind I'll be tired when I rise
But honestly, that's alright, I feel hypnotized
The newest of new - I just met him today
But he fits me just right like he's custom made
Mutual excitement, we may be thinking reckless
But I want him to hang around like my favorite necklace

I loved everything about you
I even learned to love the abuse
The good, the bad, the ugly
You made a beautiful collage for me

I found myself listening to your songs tonight
Not the ones you brag about - the ones that gave me insight
They showed me that even though your eyes burned me like the brightest fire
Your words ****** me and left me in a bed of desire

And no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I deserve better
I can't help but immerse myself in your ****** weather

Sometimes I'll stand in the rain and look up at the clouds
I'll wonder if you're worth the pain and if I'll ever make you proud

consume endless stimulants
anything to get through this

lifeless eyes with sunken souls
tucked away in hidden holes

the hands on the clock do a full rotation
returning then surpassing their first location

alternating breaks between coffee and bogies
i sit on the floor, my effort withholding

breathe in, breathe out, inhale deep
i know not about counting sheep

a few more bodies tough it out
"we are the champions," i want to shout

and i'm delusional, so i just might
tell this empty room about my sleepless night

Before you I had no worries, I was happy and free, or at least I thought I was
In hindsight I was still a little boy running around and pretending I wasn't an adult because

If I stopped pretending it would mean I wasn't going to have fun anymore
But that all stopped when you walked through the door

When we met we clicked we understood each other perfectly
When we thought of our future if we'd always be together, certainly

When I was with you I was happy but in a different kind of way
I felt like an adult who had his whole life together, but with you I could still play

You kept me on track so my life wouldn't be wasted on parties and ****
But at the same time you made me think you were all that I would need

I didn't see it for what what we were, I saw a partnership
But when I was in a bad place you said you wouldn't stay on a sinking ship

You taught me that I'm valuable and shouldn't be tossed aside
But you taught me not everyone will stick with me for the ride

You taught me so much in our time together
Unfortunately one of those lessons was that we weren't forever

I opened up my heart for you like I never had before
Then you opened up your legs for him and left your ******* on his floor

You made me think I was the problem and the reason we would drown
But in reality, you were the captain, and your ship is going down

It's ironic - you're not environmentally conscious——
And don't forget, baby, you're the one who said you want this

You wanna date her, but then you claim you've had it,
So you return like I'm made of paper or plastic
Crumble me up and throw me away
Or repurpose my presence, you wouldn't want me to stray
and try to salvage what's left of my shattered broken pieces
Keep me compacted tight, make me believe I'm beneath this
Shred me, burn me, then keep my remains
Just to piece me back together how you want me in your brain

One day you'll lose me, I'll become biodegradable,
and you'll try to reuse me only to realize I'm not disposable
I'm not the insulated coffee cup you settle for when you're in a rush
In fact, keep this up and I'll be ice cold to the touch

Cut down tree after tree then wonder why you can't catch your breath
Dug yourself into a landfill trying to avoid your death

Consume me, then remove me, keeping pieces each time
But you can take it all, the soul you know's no longer mine

I can't walk past Rocky Raccoon's house without pondering the idea of you
Simultaneously yet separately living out our days
I find comfort in nostalgic music, long car rides and light shows,
In lukewarm coffee representing effort put out for far too long
Hues of orange and yellow stick around with no sign of surrendering
Like an overdue library book I have no intention of returning
American Spirits burning a hole in my heart where you used to be

I walk alone
I find beauty in the sparkle of the sidewalk when the sun hits it just right
I follow the crack in the concrete like a map
It wasn't meant to be there but I'm glad it is

I'm glad I am

I find beauty where I thought I'd find pain
These are the moments that let me feel sane
Search for beauty where it's least expected
You'll find a shine in your eye and a love that is reckless

But there's beauty in the hectic
Embrace the beautiful when it's messy

I want to break down in front of a stranger
I don't want them to ever know my name
I feel safer spilling my doubts on paper
I want to hear from those who feel the same

My feet are cold but yours are so warm
they're just bones but it's comfort and I feel at home
Dozing off
Blurred lines dont tell where you end and I begin
and thats just the way you want me
Just the way you want me to be

I love nostalgia
it makes me cry
Thinking of those good times
when I used to feel alive
Never thought about what it would be like to die
I almost know how it feels to start losing a life
Shaving days off of mine without blinking an eye
You'd think I'd pull the trigger with all this talk of goodbyes
But I'll never fully grasp the concept of why

There are land mines under your skin
is that the reason you won't let me in?
Fully, I mean; there's parts that I've seen
But you've built a wall, it's tough and it's tall
and I doubt you'd know how to break through at all.
Even if you tried to climb, you'd probably fall.
How many bridges can two people share?
You burn them all down and leave me to repair.
You should try to approach a bridge that we've built,
take my hand and cross it, without giving me guilt.
I'd travel across waters with you
on the bet that maybe someday you'd be true.
Do you not see what you've put me through?
This wall I've torn down to get closer to you?
At any moment you're destined to blow
Your current grabs me, I'm stuck in the undertow

If I give you closure will you finally let me close the door?
There's nothing much left to say, you can't ask for much more
Ducking all your phone calls like I am too busy for this
No longer in it to win, no longer looking for Vin
But you don't get that, you think it's about other men
Don't want to say it again, but it's not about other men
You put on a show like I was your world
And I'm doubtful that you'll ever know the weight of your words
But their breaking your shoulders
One more thing you just wish that you told her
Over and over
And you just wish you could hold her

You told me you would be there if the tables were to turn
But we've been there, and you don't care, I've finally discerned.
Sacrifices made on my end, you needed a warm body
I'll no longer pretend that you've genuinely got me

I keep collecting extra straws because the last one's drawn too soon
I'm rising with the sun and have to let you chase the moon
Selflessly hoping to help you grow attuned
While helplessly knowing that to love, you are immune

One: Smokey grey; the kind that blurs your vision or gathers in corners of ceilings that are somehow still not as high as you.
Two: The teal that masked the bedroom walls of my old home; the bedroom with nothing but a mattress on the floor and my unplugged television. I was eco-friendly, which leads me to
Three: Green: any and all greens. Mother Nature makes it obvious she loves its hues, and I strive to be one with this Earth.
Four: Whether fueled by anger or love, give me rose-colored shades and I'll rock 'em with grace and style like none before. My red blood boils with passion.
Five: Making concrete decisions is not my forte, so choosing a final favorite will leave me second guessing. Combine all the options and give me a rainbow, because when we see a color, it is actually that color being reflected while all the other colors are absorbed. They work together, as we should. You bring the crayons and I'll bring the blank canvas, let's paint the world rainbow together.

Every time I pass your old house with the horses
I blow a kiss and I wish I could focus
I'm caught up on you and wish I could show it
You're so far away but I know that you know it

I still wear your shirts to sleep when I'm feeling lonely
Is it a bad thing that you still feel like home to me?

I hate that I can't be the one to tell you
that when you tell me things and push me, you're pushing me farther from you
It's like you try to pull me close and pull too tight, I fall right through you
You say my character shows, when really it's me playing a character
But you can never do wrong, that's where you're wrong, boy you're so arrogant
I wish you'd see things through my eyes, cloudy skies and I forgot my umbrella
I used to be the one to come clean quick, but you would never tell me
So I learned from you and decided that ignorance is bliss
And honestly I'm not sure you're something I'll miss

You call me and tell me you love me
I say that I can't anymore
A quick 'good night' and I hang up
To you I sound strong and secure

But after you're no longer with me
My heart falls right out of my chest
Knowing I'm no longer with you
And knowing that it's for the best

I don't want to hear from you
But I keep checking my phone
I want it to die
So you'll leave me alone

just because you love someone with all your heart
doesn't eliminate the opportunity for you to spread your love
love everyone and everything
love the walls around you, love the air you breathe, love the people who brought you into this world and the ones who brought them into this world, love your friends, love their friends, love your neighbor
there is enough love in your heart for everyone, including you. so love yourself first, but don't keep your love. give it to everything.

I'm trying hard to get a higher education
But my grandmother's car can't even get to the gas station
My father's stuck between a rock and a hard place, I wish his job was more stable
He works so ******* hard trying to put food on our old kitchen table
Sacrifice his health and his wellbeing
Just so I can learn and so she can keep living
Her medication costs as much as his canceled vacation
And he says he'll afford the foreign dreams I'm chasing
He ***** it up but I can see the depression flashing red
Almost every night he seems to need a few beers before bed
My sister Ashley doesn't ******* see it
I wish she wasn't so selfish
Even Emily doesn't know
Sometimes I feel like the eldest
Or the wisest, as my dad says
Because I "get it"
Our bond makes it even harder to lie about the cigarettes

I feel like **** for saying it
But I know I'll be okay
I have a second home when the pressure makes me stray
And a third one, while I'm at it, when that drama seems to win
Because while I love my mom, the most stable family's Vin's

Slap my cheek to keep from crying
And level out my head
While it's my grandma who is dying
Lately my mind feels dead

he still writes about me
he still thinks about me
he claims indifference to my existence
but he still loves me
and i love the idea of him
it's so sad for him, though
because i love another's reality

I have unhealthy habits
Maybe I'm an addict
Ocassionally find peace on a mattress
You preach that I'm an actress
And I've really ******* had it
If everyone think I'm a saint
That's their prerogative
I'm not trying to prove a ******* thing
At least I'm not full of ****
You put me on a pedestal
That's your wrongdoing
Not a single person's perfect
And I am no exception
But my mistakes come out as truths

I have unhealthy habits
The worst of them is you

No matter the immensity of tragedy in my day to day
There is no ache harsher than your absence

I can’t wait until I’m an adult and have random nights where I go out with my husband to fancy parties and we take a cab and get all dressed up and dont know anyone at the party but get drunk together and have a blast and make fools of ourselves and almost get kicked out but everyone loves us anyway because they see how much we are in love and dont care what they think then we escape into a cab in the rain and rush home to sit on the kitchen floor at 3 am eating ice cream out of the carton drunk and laughing the whole time

when i told you my grandma was dying
you weren't a shoulder to cry on
you told me i can't be codependent
you said i had to deal on my own or it'd get messy

you thought i'd cause more harm, create more issues
i can't believe i ever ******* missed you

now when i think of you
i just smoke a bogie
this time is different
im done like kobe

I've smoked five cigarettes today
I'm not blaming you for that,
I just wish you'd go away

trading vices
but there's not much of a difference
a few drags, your red flags, both an addiction

a temporary head high
ease in the moment
with an unavoidable fatality

If I would take a bullet in the chest for you why do I refuse to talk about the future? We both quiver at the thought of forever, yet we hold so tightly to the idea of prolonged togetherness.

I am vulnerable
I rip myself open for you
You pick at what's left of my carcass
As if its always belonged to you

I thought things would be different this time
I was under the impression that the word meant more to me than it did to you
I still am
When I asked if you care about me, you responded, "Not right now,"
and that worries me
Because even as you cursed my name, I tried to find someone else to blame
And as I walked away, my blood boiling, and you put the drivers seat down to sleep, I couldn't even make it around the corner without feeling like I was abandoning you
I should have left you there to your own devices with no hesitation

You're burning yourself alive...

I want to put out the fire.
We both know its an unhealthy desire.
And until you let the flames die down,
it's to you, not her, that the smoke will be bound.

The unsightly comfort you find in your torment
claims your inner fire, leaving you dormant.
You're trading your passion
for a love of ill fashion;
accepting an amity given in rations.

Afraid to take action,
waiting for something to happen.

But I can't watch you succumb to defeat...
Please don't let her steer from the backseat.

the taste of hummus and carrots reminds me of you
of our long weekend together
when we packed the cooler full of ice and beer and a few snacks
we pitched my dad's 7 foot tall tent, just the two of us
your chuckle was my sunrise as you sat outside with our neighbors, drinking at 9 in the morning and exchanging stories
not a worry in the world
you were the most important thing about that weekend
but it helped me discover my longing for independence..
it's a part of my nature. I thought I could do it; be with and without you. But I spread myself too thin
and I'm afraid I didn't think that harm might happen again
I was consumed
I was diluted
I was cruel and you were rooted in us
There was trust
I ****** up, soiled everything and left you in the dust

i didn't appreciate that weekend at the time
but in retrospect
it is everything i want
experiencing with you
side by side
our own perspectives of the subjective
flirting with forever, yet never letting the word leave our lips...
magic
you planted your seed in my mind and my heart
i need you to keep watering it
together we could grow enormous and strong
i love you

I am freezing
I didn't dry my hair and it is stiff
Almost as stiff as my lips as I try to maintain composure
But I can't seem to hold it

Someone could be perfect for you
And you could be beautiful together

Someone could be your paradox
And make your blood boil

Someone could make you feel calm
And safe.

Someone could make you melt
With discomposure

But when weighing the pros and cons
None of this matters
Love chooses for us

When I'm with him, everything feels easier
But everything is so complicated
I'm tiptoeing and peeking around corners before entering rooms
I don't want to close the door and have it lock behind me.
I can't risk this again, but I don't seem to be getting any better at staying tame..He's insane...

I want to trace an imaginary line across your skin
I wish to calm you
Feel your lungs fill and empty deeply
Calm is us
Your jawline pressing lightly into my palms
Brush my thumbprint over your cheekbone
I am captured by your gaze

Our souls slow dance in a dim lit room, but they see each other perfectly
And they are dancing in sync with no music
They need no external source of fuel to enhance the flame
The two entities rear a roaring fire on their own
One in the same
Two became one
No need for explanations
Second guessing doesn't exist
We get it

I don't know what you do to me
I bounce back and forth
But since you've snuck your way into my head and heart
I've found myself enjoying watching basketball a little bit more
And finding characters in movies that remind me of your parents
I feel welcome when I'm at your house
Familiar and rooted in love
We're complex but the right thing will happen on its own
Everything will be alright

Like a broken record I'll tell you, I check in on you frequently
I've noticed less poetry lately and at first it concerned me
But I contemplated and it racked my brain
And I am now happy to find less of your works
Because you are always more inspired when you hurt
I wish I could read an infinite amount of words you've combined, explaining your love for me and how you hope it'd work out in time
I ache for your comfort through prose and poems, short and long
I long for your affection and it's hard to stay strong
But I am happy for you if you have moved on
I've still loved you dearly, clearly, all along

I'm not fully ready to be with you
I am still figuring myself out
But what if being ready is a myth
Fabricated by those who let fear win
I don't want to let this linger any longer
I need you under my skin
I need you in my veins
In my sheets
In my arms
You have been in my mind
Since the fourth of July
And I can't stand pretending anymore
I know it's not smart
But I need to follow my heart

..And it leads me to you.

If I could have any power
I would want to view myself from others' perspectives
To know what they think about when they look at me
when they talk to me
Maybe I remind someone of their cousin
Maybe someone thinks I'm perfect,
Maybe someone doesn't.
Maybe someone sees my flaws,
Maybe someone sees the war
playing out inside of me
Battles fought solo will never be won
I'll shoot out my words like an unloaded gun
Eager to fire but not much to lose
Soon I'll retire and reveal the truth

hes good at what he does
bad news covered in attraction
hes a magnet with a strong force
steer clear or he'll swallow you whole
no matter how smart you believe yourself to be
he is so invested in erasing all you've learned from your past mistakes
and he knows exactly how to grab ahold of you and turn the tables
leaving you with confusion and self blame,
and an image of him you'll never want to fade

And I feel beautiful.

And I feel alone.

And I feel calm.

And I feel whole.

Cheers.

Forcing myself to be alone is putting a lot into perspective
Like the fact that maybe I don't love you as much as I believe
I am still figuring that one out
But I have found myself on more than one occasion thinking about you
And when you do cross my mind I am reminded that you are not always on it the way you once were
I have been going on without you and I am doing fine
Sometimes it is harder than others but overall I have been better and I am getting better without you
I am doing good alone
Maybe we won't be together again.
Or maybe this is a temporary feeling.

Time.

When he told me he was in love with me, I didn't sweat it
Tomorrow he will probably say he has realized new things
And has had a change of heart
He is a roller coaster
A light switch
Untrusted
I feel bad that I do not take him seriously
He is human, but he does not let himself seem human
Therefore I do not feel bad that I do not feel bad
It makes sense if you think about it

knowing you're out there living, experiencing without me
it doesn't feel right and it never will
i don't want to hear stories
i don't want to see pictures
i want to tell the stories with you and laugh about things that aren't that funny unless you were there
i want to take pictures for you like i used to, and i want you to take pictures of me when i'm not paying attention..you always take good ones

are you a stranger now?
i have a feeling you'd treat me like one if we crossed paths again

Is it completely crazy for me to want to date other people so I can mess things up, put the pieces back together and learn from it? I want the combination of experiences to teach me how to love you selflessly, better than ever before, so it won't be your heart that aches once more.

How is it that I'm not ready for love
yet I surrender all willpower at the slightest mention of you
Am I ready? With out you is too bitter, too uneasy
Where did my home go?

I still get butterflies when you're on my mind
This feeling stays with me most of the time
I don't feel at home no matter where I go
I never have and fear I will never know

But your lips and those eyes, your hand in mine
Your love and embrace, all I see is your face
It's the closest to home that I ever feel
What we were wasn't perfect but it was so real

Patiently waiting, I'll try to remain
Afraid to approach you, not sure you're the same
But that is my fault, you are not to blame
For putting your walls up, you blew out your flame

My chest caves with every passing day
I try to be okay alone, and I can be
But the way your heart beats..
It doesn't feel right not to feel it with mine
I am to blame