these colors taste so sharp
they're stuck in my throat
manic florescent knifes
digging into me
cutting holes in these already rusty pipes
they're clogging up
they're bursting soon
and i don't know when but sometimes
there's that little ***** loose
the jet of stale water strikes
with enough force to cut through me
its a needle
and when people ask about it later
and try to patch it up
the pressure only builds even more
what can i say
no amount of tape can fix this leaking lunatic

the ten dollar bill is folded over on itself
she cannot see the zero, only the one before it
as it sits there undisturbed beside the empty bottles
one beer, one water
one prescription lotion
cap still lying open as the
comfort inside hardens into dust
and the room is full of nothing at all
but the empty and the misinterpreted
as she lay there staring in the still silence of life
no noise, no light
no sign of motion
in the entire house but the
gentle tap of her fractured fingers against her leg

"oh honey, will you please, for just one year,
keep your mouth shut?  we're with family, it's
tradition,
you know?"

You're so brand new
You're beyond all compare
I'd face the bayonets in Your honor
Your oneness is godless,
I feel you around me
I'll raise my voice in Your honor
they say its not worth You,
god is the king almighty,
but You are the Protector
over hill and valley
the bombs explode in rejoicing
touch me like You touch the world

change is coming in the form of loving shadow
change is coming in the form of pallid brilliance
change is coming as murmurs into the sleeping ear
writing documents in secret,
secret thoughts and words louder than gunfire,
with quill pen and parchment paper grazing my skin
pulling me in to fight the darkness, I will arise
until the red dawn of Your bright horizon

Why is it that when we feel
like our world has turned inside out
flipped over like a dying fish like a dying bird
like a broken wing bent out of proportion
all we can do is say a two letter word
in a fleeting expression softer than the fleece
on my freshly washed jacket where I hide
from every sound and breath

oh

i can see you wanting to ask me why i'm tired
i can see your mouth moving to tell me why i'm not supposed to be
when you get on average four hours of sleep, because work gets in the way

let me just say that i was drifting ,but then
when i laid down i knew it was all wrong
and something inside of me burst into flames
like my bed was an ashen chrysalis and i was a phoenix
turning into something that was cliche beautiful and tragic
(disgusting, i hate it, i'm burning and it hurts my wings)
i was sitting up and laying down, screeching
screaming like no one can hear me as the music in my head
becomes a jet plane roaring, the plane they're leaving me on
soon they tore beyond the stars and i was grounded,
sunken in and i could feel the water move beneath me
taking me away but i couldn't just leave,
my eyes couldn't droop just yet, not until we were reunited
(******* selfish, greedy heart, the rivers cried)
my mind opened the floodgate and there you were
and i wailed for you
and for him
and for her
for the common man and my tortured soul
(not nearly legitimate enough for me to be up at this sorry hour)
i stood to turn on the light and look in the mirror
and all i saw was something etched into my skin
tiny paintings on my airbrushed surface hiding ugly, ugly mountains
so i soothed myself with knowing that soon it would be over
and i brought myself to thinking that i'd be starlight and wonder
but i grew terrified of the void and so there i hid
beneath the cotton sheets in the comforting black
dreaming and exploding, a nova in the darkness until sunlight
when the moon shone lower (but in it i saw no new day)

i can talk only with my eyes, but it will be okay
you can't see the leftover light in them anyway

This morning I woke up wondering
if my sister in the spirit world could see me
and if she could why would she let me fall
into only four short hours of sleep
why would she let me bleed put on the floor
till all I felt was the knife in my gut all day
twisting and churning under the confused gaze of
two
four
six
eight men
I've lost track
lost track of time and space and the number of times they've forgotten my name
why would she let them forget my name
leave me lying there staring at the empty void sky
like static, its stasis but turbulence
all in one
why would she let me fall

my god
what kind of god are you
all i wanted was to be your
heaven
all i wanted was to be your
star
how could you lie to me?
you taught me that the stars in the sky were
brilliance
benevolence
all i wanted was to be your
star
but i can see through your lies now
spread across the vastness of the sky stars are
beautiful
but stars are also
alone
they are born
writhing in pain
screaming with fire and fury
and they die
wrapped in shrouds of cold and darkness
out of reach
millions of years away

my god
what kind of god are you

eons of tears are streaming down her face
a rainshower of the past and forgotten
exploding into a waterfall
she doesn't know why the storm came now
but she knows that she's got no reason for it
and it makes the thunder grow louder

every song  is dripping irony
because they say how much you love me
wide as the ocean or beyond stars
deeper than caverns and brighter than the sun
but our love is small
like nervous glances, sweaty palms,
our heart is loudest, but our mouth is silent
it is nervous and tedious
creeping through us only on occasion
like mice skittering or butterflies,
landing briefly
only to see shadow and escape towards the sun
careful, careful
but don't leave this yet,
butterflies traverse the world for their desires
and they haven't broken yet

Look at you, invisible against the dark and snowflakes

Education’s got me feeling like the living dead
Too many new ideas running through my head
I’m feeling kind of foggy so I try to sit outside
It’s there from all this pressure that I try to hide
It’s eating at my flesh and brain, feeding off my soul
I’d force it all to leave me but the poison takes its toll
I’d save myself with literature, save myself with love
But nothing ever really works, so what I’m dreaming of
Is getting out with dreaming, getting out with song,
But once again it doesn’t end and I just string along
The last resort is movement, I could dance myself to death
And instead I end up running, always feeling out of break
I think the end is drawing near we’re all just in a hoard
I never asked to learn this, I don’t quite feel on board
We thought that education would relieve our sense of dread
But instead of curiosity, we’re transformed living dead
Of a new zombie apocalypse we needn’t ever fear
It’s the stress that’s in our hearts that’s drawing ever near
The moans and groans of students can be heard throughout the halls
As we make the correlation between the rotting and us all
You’d think that someone’d notice that we’ve all grown dispossessed
Of all our own ideas and our growth has been repressed
If you’re looking for a zombie then you shouldn’t look too far
Because there are disillusioned youth everywhere you are

you will never know how bright you are
because in the darkness of space all other objects are illuminated
but they would remain in darkness
were you not a star

drearily she rises from the sunken sheets,
shaking dreams from her head, each sound of the alarm
shooting down fantasies, one by one, into reality.
time has never been crueler than when it exists in darkness,
because the dark provides time to feel.
but though the sun shines bright, the illusions remain
his drunken eyes, his tousled hair, his skin, soft as rabbit's fur.
but it all feels much more dangerous when the night invades the morning.
but it all feel much more real when the night invades the morning

If you never met me,
would you still be the same?
Do you think of me when its dark
too dark to breathe
and you finally feel everything?
Is it my arms around you?  
Sometimes when I'm sleeping
I can dream of you
body against me and I just thank God
for making someone as purely imperfect as you
because you are,
in every breath and every movement,
metaphysical
If you believed in God
would I be of Him?
And now the snow outside
disappears against you and I'm heating up
my blood's gone rogue and its going to escape
when I think of you, invisible
against the stars

If I don't know where you are
can you at least tell me:
are you warm?

can someone tell me where i am?
its dark in here with no light left
for me to see why it's so warm
something is soft, like breath,
breath on my face one inch away,
is rubbing against me, a blanket
i can feel it, around me, inside me
pulling me down into emptiness
but that nothing isn't alone,
no, that nothing is everything
because there is you

can someone explain to me
how it is that you can say I am
not real
not really
that I still feel the stings of hurt when she leaves me
or the knife twisting in further as he betrays me

can someone explain to me
how it is that you can think I am
so broken
for breaking it off
when I just need time to think to myself
without this constant caterwalling of i love you

i love you
i love
i
i
i

can someone explain to me
how all that is left is i
resounding
astounding
in the love that's grown empty and
puffed up with promises of You

I remember how he sounded
while laughing loudly, lips curled, cat-like,
at a joke inside of him that no one knew
how to hear
and he smelled free
and he looked like spring wind
and he felt like a powerful gladness
that surged into all his surroundings

I remember how he sounded
heart beating tired rhythms, breathing in,
breathing out in a calm that no one knew
how to hear
and he smelled safe
and he looked like the night sky
and he felt like the soft thump
echoing through his chest into my almost sleeping ears

I remember how he sounded
eyes burning with salt but invisibly,
like a dark dawn's cries for sunlight that no one knew
how to hear
and he smelled like the paint from his smile
and he looked like a blind man speaking of color
and he felt like someone I still knew well
but I wasn't quite sure who