i'm wearing a yellow sweater with the sleeves pushed up and it's cold it's dark and i can't find you where are you
there are stripes on my arm and it's dark it's dark i can't see my eyelids are so heavy and
i can't stay
is carved on the floorboards and i hear yelling and maybe that's you?
it's you it's you why are you yelling? darling don't yell i'm fine except i can only see red and gold and red,
so much red
and i can feel your arms around me and you're carrying me why are you carrying me
where are we going
why is everything so white all i can see is white where are we?
now i'm sitting upright and i can see and you're crying
(why are you crying? stop crying)
and i try to speak but the words stick to the roof of my mouth like a bad memory
i can't move i hurt everywhere i want to move why can't i do this
why do i do everything wrong i can't even die right what's wrong with me
i'm wrong wrong wrong like an answer someone tried to erase but couldn't quite get it done
i'm a failure why are you still here
i yell at you and it's a mess and you still stay and why aren't you giving up on me?
baby it's not worth it, you should go
and i get better and you're smiling and i don't understand why haven't you left?
stop wasting your time on me, go be an actress or something
but you get me in your car and you drive me home and you stay with me and my house is so clean
it's so clean how did it get so clean?
and you stay and you're always there and i keep crying and you just hold me
now i'm scared that you'll leave even though i deserve it but please don't leave
i see you and you're so beautiful what did i do to deserve this?

[to: E] hi, i love you

and you're smiling and you kiss me and why?
you're kissing me and i'm still scared that you'll leave so i kiss you back
and you're smiling, mon ange. even i'm smiling.

[from: E] hi, i love you too
[from: E] please stay

Once I felt nothing but pain,
I had been without sense and insane,
I would carve my skin up like a pig,
Then you left and deep I had to dig,

I had to find the strength to be myself,
To find a way to reach beyond that top shelf,
You said it was too much but that's just you,
Albeit that seems normal I did not expect it from a friend so true,

At first it was a world of pain,
And yet for all that it did wane,
I learned to stand and fight,
My world changed in a movement so slight.

It would not be seen by naked eye,
Then you said "saturday, black tie."
And again, my world flipped,
My mind blew and my sense was stripped.

But how in the world could this be?
Perhaps it could be good to a tolerable degree.
It would seem that life is ever changing,
But life isn't something made for explaining.

I will run alongside
every highway
every route
to find you
in the next city
the next crossroad
the next nowhere
I will get lost
and you will too
only to find your home
in my arms
and I’ll find mine
in your heart

Tonight,
This terrible night,
In the absence of light
The storm, imminent
Much else, irrelevant.
The winds,
Leaving the soul distraught,
Obscuring the mind.

Tonight,
This terrible night.
Extinguished,
Is the flame of hope in mankind.
This, the reason why
In my soul
The absence of light.

Let me write my love
On every wall
I will paint entire
Cities with your name
Every metaphor a
Thinly veiled attempt
To describe the stars
In your eyes

Let me compose symphonies -
Conduct orchestras and choirs
To sing your praise
Every note an ode to
The way the moonlight
Caresses the curves of your face

Let me put brush to canvas
And I will command
Every hue
Every brushstrokes
To reveal the secret
Of your smile

And if you let me
I would dedicate
my entire life
To master every art form
If it meant I could accurately convey
The feelings you stir within me

I may not be noticed,
seen or searched for.
I am overlooked
but no less valuable.
People walk all over the ground
without realizing
diamonds are right under their feet.

Will you turn me into a song?
With shades of purple as beautiful as the dawn
I will creep slowly with the glinting rays of the sun
Sprinkle me like dew in the green meadows
Hide me in the flowers while busy bees halt for nectar
I'll be like pollen spreading free in serene breeze
Allow me to dance in every eyelids I meet
Pluck a lash and wake them from sleep
Before the day's toil,
I'll be the song of the day's hope

Will you turn me into a song?
Tuck me in the sheets of clouds that swathed the skies
Just before twilight while the mourning sun bleeds
It's lips caressing the foliage of leaves
As the cold wind of winter greets,
I'll be the itch in their filcrums pushing in dimples
creating smiles after long days of hard work
Reminding everyone that everything is worth their effort

Will you turn me into a song?
I'll be the fleeting silver lining in every sad teardrops falling
Even in the rain, I'll be hidden in the frayed clouds
To drizzle you courage to face tomorrow's challenges
I'll be the song of all the hearts; exhausted and crushed
My melody will never turn into dust
Will you turn me into a song? I ask.



-Last Wish, Margaret Austin Go

Powerful and sinuous
Their tender roughness
Ever so controlled
Ever so cautious
Ever so compassionate
Ever so kind

The kind that are always steady, always sure
With the essence of your soul visible
In their elegant motions

I see you

Long before
We ever spoke
I watched your majestic hands
Your wise eyes of oak hidden behind your hair
Your lips of pearl concealed from my gaze

In watching your hands, I knew you

And I knew
someday

they would be holding mine