I can't get it out, I'm comfortable being down.
Don't try and cheer me up, don't question my frown.
Don't tell me that I'm special, that you love me so(?)
I know you're lying
And I'd rather be alone.

But you don't want to leave, so I let you stay
I say that I'm not looking for love
And you're just in my way.

I can't stand it when you're here and I hate it when you're gone.
You're getting tired of waiting - 'so ******* long'

You have to understand love, these things take time
But you're so ******* impatient,
Trying to knock down walls
That were built for you to climb.

And lately you've been distant,
Probably found someone new
You're unaware that I'm broken,
Memories of you in my head lie frozen

I am a shut bottle of happiness,
only you can open.

It took me 3 years to get over him. He covered my pillow with tear stains and filled a journal with scribbled poetry. But he didn't even touch me or hold me in his arms. He never spoke to me over the phone at 3am and I never laughed with him like I did with you. He didn't fill my sheets with memories and he never saw my naked body or called me beautiful to my face. He didn't make me breakfast and walk 5 kilometers just to see me. You did. You did all those things and still, you had no intention of staying. That was all I wanted. I didn't ask for much. I just wanted you to tell me you weren't going anywhere and actually mean it. I put my already fickle and battered heart in your hands and you've decided I am too much for you after all. Now, I have no choice but to get over you and it feels like this pain will never come to an end and I don't want to move on. I don't want anyone if it's not you.

This is fake so so fake. All these drugs man they're messing with my mind. It's kinda like I'm ok but I keep feeling like I'm on another planet. Really spaced out? Messing with my head my head are you okay (no) ok well I'm just saying you need to pull yourself together I don't really care about myself right now. I know I'm breaking my body and my brain thinks it's getting better but it's the euphoria. It tricks you. Everything is always ok okay for like an hour. Then it all gets terrible again. Fake. Without antidepressants for four days I thought I was going to burst into tears every 5 minutes. Also the pills' happiness is not real. So fake again. You trick your sad little brain into thinking you're happy. But deep down you can almost feel the darkness inside you getting crushed with this concocted 'medicine.'

So you are content and you're 'happy' but deep in your heart you know your sadness still lives inside you. Pushed into a cell, bolted, until it grows too big and breaks the walls down. So go get your dosage upped and sit in class with your head in your hands and know that there's nothing wrong with you girl. There's nothing wrong with writing poems late at night and crying over people you've lost. You are a forest fire among dimly lit matches. Just because your brain is sick and no one can physically see the bruises doesn't make it invalid. But it is there, always. It cannot be destroyed, only tainted. I know you love harder than everyone else some people aren't used to that kind of love, they can't handle it. I know you still believe and trust every single person you meet. That is your best and worst quality. They're scared of the way you care too much and don't think for a second that the fault lies in you.

I've let it all out.
And now all our memories
Are spilled all over the bathroom floor
In the form of teardrops and empty bottles.
Lost inside my sheets
And the crevices of my pillow.
Etched into my clothes in the form of cigarette burns and tear stains.
Caught between my teeth
When I tried to empty my stomach
Hoping my heart would pour out too.
Stuck underneath my fingernails trying to scratch your touch off my left arm where you touched me last.
I've wept and screamed and smoked my tired little heart to nothing but a vacant space longing to be occupied.
I've tried filling it with friends and books and writing poetry till my fingers bleed.
But an empty room
Is always an empty room
When you're not in it.

And I forgive you,
Boy who promised me endless tomorrow's
And a lifetimes supply of love
But then left my heart, cold and abandoned
more than once.

I forgive you, best friend who said she would stay by my side no matter what,  
And left me sobbing and alone                    in a pool of my own *****.

I forgive you, mother who loves me with the world but can never seem to notice the way my cheeks are always tear stained and how I haven't eaten for a week.

Father, I forgive you for telling me home is always a safe place but making me feel like an imposter in my own home every time I enter the room;
Just because my grades didn't meet your standards.

I forgive you, kind sister who sometimes forgets that I just need a pair of arms to crawl into when I'm lonely and not
Disapproving looks and judge mental comments.

But most of all, I forgive you, sweet girl in the mirror.
Bright smile, brown skin, hateful glare.
I forgive you for not loving yourself enough
And thinking that you're never good enough.
I love you, okay?
And I forgive you for sometimes forgetting that.

Maybe I'm meant to be a wallflower,
Watching others grow.
Lurking in their shawdows,
Constantly keeping low.

Maybe I'm meant to be a wallflower,
Plucking my petals one by one.
Praying that maybe I'll be picked,
Cause I have never seen the sun.

Maybe I'm meant to be a wallflower,
It's my destiny to be alone,
I think that by now its obvious,
My future is set in stone.

Maybe I'm meant to be a wallflower,
The shyest of them all.
I know that I will never branch out,
I am meant to stay this small.

Wallflowers can be beautiful,
That I know is true.
And I don't mind being a wallflower,
Because I kind of like the veiw.

Today I realized that no matter how many times you've rounded every kilometer of my brain, I have never entered yours. I've realized that you won't help me bandage my hand when it got burned when I reached for the stars that you wanted. I want you to swallow my poison for I have swallowed yours long ago and it's deteriorating me inside rapidly.

Oh how I miss the way you'd smile,
And keep up the mischief all the while,
The way I knew you inside out,
And understood what made you shout,
What left you sad and broke your heart,
And even broke your bones apart,
And despite all the worries and the pain,
I'd give anything to do it again, because
You made me better, and made me true,
And taught me to be strong without you,
So that over the years, on every day,
I can wake up each morning, and be okay.