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Black and Blue Feb 2015
You've marked me the way that Alexander the Great left 23 Alexandria's across Europe, Asia, and Africa.
Black and Blue Feb 2015
it hurts better than any other pain.

for in the end:
    cuts will leave scars
        tears will leave wrinkles
            cigarettes will burn your lungs
                love will burn your heart

But hunger leaves you thin.
Black and Blue Feb 2015
I hate when people watch me eat.
I wonder what they think.
"God look at that chubby girl with ranch on her salad"
"She'll never loose weight if she eats like that"
"Her cheeks jiggle when she chews"
"How much more can she fit in her mouth"
I wonder if they hate me as much as I hate me,
simply for eating lunch.
Black and Blue Feb 2015
"You can be whatever you want to be," he says.
Isn't he so ******* inspirational?
Something straight out of a storybook meant for a hopeful, innocent, naive child.
I've always thought that this statement was relevant, because we humans as a rule usually do whatever we want to do.
We follow our guts, our desires, our cravings, our wants.
I've always tried to employ this rule, just because my mommy once told me to be whatever I wanted to be.
But someday quite sometime ago, I learned that you can't get everything you want.
One cannot be president, an astronaut, or beautiful, or smart just by "wanting" it.
You could eventually, theoretically get what you wanted through hard work or finagling or knowing the right people or maybe by just being lucky.
But realistically we don't always get what we want, which means we can't be whatever we want to be.
I've always tried to think that I want to be skinny and pretty, so I'm going to work out and I'm not going to eat and because I want it, it will happen.
I've always tried to think that I want to be happy, so I'm going to make friends and hide my awkward sadness and smile frequently and because I want to be happy, it will happen.
I've always tried to think that I want considerate people to surround myself with, so I'm going to treat others how I want to be treated and I'm going to bend over backwards to show others I care and because I want to feel important to others, it will happen.
I've always tried to think that I could have any career I want, so I'm going to follow "what makes me happy" and try to find a job in a barren career field and because I want to be a happy adult (if such a thing exists), it will happen.
There are so many things I desperately want myself to be.
Compassionate, smart, attractive, intelligent, loving, witty, beautiful, fit, skinny, talented, well put together, and I could list thousands more.
But there are so many aspects of myself that I don't want that I will never be able to get rid of.
So while I think that wanting to be something is relevant to how much you want it, because as a rule humans do whatever we want, I think there are certain things you cannot change just by wanting them.
So Mister Inspirational, take a step back from your whiskey bottle, your larger than life aspirations, and let reality slap you in the face.
Oh, the "American Dream" of the self-made man. Same old boring clichéd story America can't stop telling itself.
  Feb 2015 Black and Blue
Molly
XVI
girl goes to bed with makeup on, wakes up with sore muscles
girl goes to bed without locking the front door, wakes up in the driveway
girl goes to bed without saying goodnight, wakes up to brother shaking her shoulders
girl goes to bed with the phone off the hook, wakes up with mouthful of *****
girl goes to bed in the bathtub, wakes up with an armful of black thread
girl goes to bed in brother's room, wakes up with the tv still on
girl goes to bed next to boy, wakes up before he does
girl goes to bed without sleeping, wakes up the same time as always
girl goes to bed with a candle burning, wakes up to the sound of herself choking
girl goes to bed early, wakes up to obituary
girl goes to bed with her hand in the cabinet, decides not to wake up this time
  Feb 2015 Black and Blue
Akemi
Settle black darling
In the crook of my ribs
Eat out my lungs

I’ll blow smoke when I wake
—Thunderclouds
6:18am, December 18th 2014

For all I know I'm still dreaming. I'll fill up with so much smoke that the fire alarm will go off and everyone will evacuate the building. I'll lie in bed struggling with the sheets, trapped in some personal limbo. The fire department will arrive, flood my floor, and I'll drown and find I never woke up.
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