I am rational and you are wild,
I tell you what you want to hear but your fluttering gives away my lies,
You dive into the ocean before checking the depth , I tell you to be careful , to look before you jump
Your faith is blind , your love unconditional,  my faith is conditional, my love a calculation
I protect your vulnerabilities, you see no reason for protection
I lead and then follow , lead and follow,
Like an endless game of tag, that only has two players .

Tired eyes staring at your sleeping face , afraid that when you wake you won't look at me the way you used to.
My tired eyes , filled with silently overflowing tears and the yearning to reach out and touch your porcelain skin.
Eyes , that are witnessing this perfect picture of peace , so beautiful it makes my heart ache , so rare that I dare not reach out and put a hand on the arch of your exposed back, for fear of never seeing again.
My eyes, which never meant harm in witnessing the vulnerability of your soul.
Lesson learned, a secret which I will speak of but only in the privacy of my own mind .
The words on repeat , I love you , I love you , I love you .
You held me last night for the briefest of moments , when your mind forgot and your body remembered .
My eyes opened for one fleeting moment, awake in my sleeping state, long enough for me to recognise the bittersweet significance of the moment .
My eyes,that are now fighting to stay open, to stay focused, to stay present in this moment that, will pass me by if I only dare blink.

I could cry at the broken or choose to feel grateful for the doors that have opened because you let go.
I could hold on , fight to gain control over the uncontrollable or I could surrender gracefully.
I could choose to hold anger, instead I feel nothing but love for the heart that let go long before mine.
You didn't choose to stop loving me, but I have a choice of how I’ll move forward from here.
You never meant to hurt me, so why would I say something to cause you pain?
Your love left, mine stayed.
With love belongs grace and gratitude.
I know my heart won’t heal if I push the blame onto yours.
You were kind with your words, I will be kind through my pain, graceful despite the fight raging within, and grateful for the moments we shared instead of greedy for the ones we never will.

He speaks to me of courage and strength, of warriors and great men,
I speak to him of the courage and strength that it takes to show his vulnerabilities, of warriors that fight for peace, of men who use their greatness for equality.
He wakes in the morning ready to take on the world, his armer shinning and strong, his walls of protection surrounding him.
I urge him to stay in bed, just a little longer, so that when he rises, his armer stays in his dreams and his walls exist only in his nightmares,
He pain is in the past, in the fears of the future, both non existent in this moment, and yet this moment is not his.
I whisper to him, to let it go, let it be, to be present.
He hears me, he understands, yet without feeling there is no truth to understanding, and knowing will never be his,
I let him be, this fight is his.
He knows I am there and I know that he will be brave enough.

Do you dust the seat off that separates us from being strangers or will you sit on the other side of the room pretending not to see me? 
Will you smile showing teeth or will your greeting be a painful one on your part ? 
Should I stand and give you a hug or will your muscles tighten and your face distort at the nearing of my body to yours? 
Will your voice be high and light and full of the energy that says " my life is great, I am happy, I am in control, always in control" 
Will I still hear the quiver at the end of your speech that has never once convinced me that you are truly all of what you claim to be ? 
Or, will I fall for your charade this time, for the first time, because that seat that you may or may not sit in has been dusty for too long. It's been yours since you left although I've never told you. 
I should of but would you have listened? 
Your not the only one with speech prepared for moments like these that screams " I am happier then you and don't you forget it ". 
We are the same you and I, Since 5 years old. The differences are that my speech has never been spoken and I fail to count the amount of times I've heard yours.
Your seat has been saved, your embrace longed for, your smile imagined. 
What separates us is far more then a dusty old seat, and yet if you only sat down, just for a second…

It comes out of nowhere, on a beautiful sunny day.
It creeps up on me silently when I am busy in hectic every day matters.
It dumps itself on me, on grey rainy mornings and follows me out the door and through the crowded streets.
It hides behind my smile, and fights to concur my quivering voice.
I used to be ashamed of it.
I used to be frightened that it would never leave me alone.
Now, I know its a wake up call,
A call to be kinder with myself,
To slow down and breathe more deeply,
Its about knowing how to climb out of the darkness when I cannot see the light.

Today I am shredding the skin of yesterday, as I move into the new energy of this moment
I feel vulnerable,
Naked
A sea of endless possibilities stretching out in front of me,
Urging me to dive in,
to be Brave enough ,
to step forward in my nakedness,
I want to stand on the mountains towering above my head and shout out the pain that no longer serves me,
But as I sit here in my stillness,
One moment easing softly into the next,
I feel the mountain bow down to meet my vulnerability and the ocean whispering quietly that it will wait.
"Take your time" it says as the tide slowly edges closer to kiss my bare toes.