Like billowing drapes in the
infamously airy Fitzgerald scene,
deep cerulean waves transform me
into an idle dope.

Still yet existing, breathing,
confined
to les regles of the trade
even in the softly overwhelming shadow
of the undiscovered waters.

The soft breeze only provides temporary
relaxation.
I am strongly affected in my physical state:
vegetative, even.
But my psyche screams for

A true offering of peace,
the final offering,
the permanent offering,
the end.

my rose colored glasses
cannot censor the fear
i feel in the presence of him.
like a suspect,
the lady-like lenses crack under pressure
when his hand conveniently slips
on a busy night.
bustling, blinding, blending
right into the blur are his hands
guiding my anxieties and insecurities through the roof
as he grants himself permission
to lust my body the way no one has ever done before.
and i feel the foriegn touch
unwelcome on my adolescent hips.
but still i stand with a padlock over my trembling lips.

Like bees to honey
are my anxieties to me
In subtle matresses
with sunken eyes
I percieve my neurotic dreams
my desperate aspirations
my misconstrued qualities
my blinded prophecies

back and forth
high and low
but how high can a Pendulum go?

how high can its cold steel float?
and just how low
will my Pendulum slow
to a gentle end.

No regard to wind,
only to the momentum within
a single steel shine
of the Pendulum's frigid, orderly chime.

The wind was a horror script
howling, thrilling
its symphony was met
with fearful eyes
hers, an encyclopedia
his, a rubik's cube

Paint me a way home
I no longer want to be alone.

Use your yellow paint
And engulf me,
Into a beautiful world
Without any restraint.

That blue can be used
As the new sea,
Full of life
and full of being.

I will no longer be afraid
Of the wideness of the sea.
I will be comforted by the brushstrokes
Of the new beginning.

Paint me a home
White, with no mistakes.
No smudges
No gray.

Most importantly
Will you paint me?
With no mistakes, no smudges
A pair of new eyes
as blue as the sea.
Paint me and my being.
Make me feel yellow.
Make me happy.

I don’t want to feel lonely.
I want to be painted lovely.