The dress clung to me
As I stood
Lost
Staring, staring back at the stranger
The mirror offered a glimpse
Of me,
The messed up stranger smiled
With heartbreak resting on each drugged eyelid
Pain
Coagulating in each vein
Every vein.
The stranger tore her dress
My arm became cold, so cold.
My heart became frozen,
Broken,
This time beyond repair.

I want to drop

The pain that won’t stop

Because one day

It might **** me



I wish I was dead

Yet it’s all in my head

These demons inside

Are still me.

A burst of flames, as if that would help.
I'm filled with anger, the worst I've ever felt.
I don't know how to control it, I don't know how to let it go.
Because every thought that comes by, loosing my life is all I know.

Flames coming through my eyes.
I'm worked up over my life of lies.
For now it's become too much for me to bare.
I'm filled up with rage, and I'm ready for it to burst into the air.

My thoughts are polluted.
Shame, anger, rage is included.
My minds wrecked with this pain.
Everyday it seems to be the same.

But now it's too much to handle.
It's too much to be tangible
So this answer is true.
To reach peace, taking my life is what I have to do.

I break my words, lost my world
Twisted over the days and took baths too long
My selfishness overcame who I ever was,
and I could keep spiraling down into self pity
I thought "It doesn't matter, I shouldn't worry about me."
When I realized I should be the first to worry about me,
and I should worry about me first.
Everything has been so eye opening, but now I can't stop to
close my eyes and escape from the confusion and rage
I wish it all could just stop,
So I can relive the days
when I cared about the sunrise,
and my eyes were so much brighter

In time, you will walk on

my fingers will become stars
my lips, branches
my heart, brittle moss
you will go away from me gently

and grow upon this loss

To understand my mind you must go mad
you must hear the voices in my mind
telling me no, you can't, they hate you
you must remind yourself daily that nothing will ever go your way, you are worthless, you will never live up to expectations.
you must know that you are nothing.
you must be constantly worried, anxiety like no other.
you must be constantly sad, depressed.
you must remind your self to keep living.
you must force yourself
you must try.
you must
*I must

There is so much
I need to apologize for
Even though
I already know
you'll tell me not to be sorry

I'll always feel bad
for the little things
like my smart *** comments
or my loss of control
every time I see a Volkswagen

But then there are the hard hitters,
matter on a larger scale
Such as my perpetual depressive state
or my impaired sense of
proper intimacy

My largest fear is you
one day realizing how difficult
I am;
I don't want you to learn to despise me
like all those preceding you

I'm sorry for being
so very broken
You don't need to pick up my pieces
But if you'd like to,
I might not argue