If my walls could talk they would have a lot to share, my secrets and feelings would be thrown out there. My fears, my hopes, my ambitions, my dreams. The walls know more than I do it seems. If my walls could talk, they would have many a story for you. From all the times I cried my self to sleep over you. My walls could tell our story better than you or I. My walls are a vault of secrets. Bursting at the seams.They know more than I think they do, and that scares me. But if my walls could speak today. They would tell a story of the journey made. From a girl long ago who would cry for lost love, to a woman who found love, but this time she found it in her self.

Snow is falling outside my window
Snowflake by snowflake
I'm sitting in my room,
Looking out
Wishing I too was a snowflake
Falling and quickly melting away.
I imagine that maybe that is what love feels like
falling, melting, and then its gone.
It's short lived, but beautiful
While it lasts.

Just when I think I'm doing fine
living my life without you
you show up in my dreams
and I have to suppress my every urge
to drive to your house,
knock on your door
and fall to your feet.
Just when I think I'm strong
every song I hear screams your name
and I realize I'm so weak. I'm weak.
So I'm sitting here resorting to writing poems
about how much I miss you
while you're sitting less than a mile away
doing God knows what
(Oh how I wish I knew).
This is all so new to me
and I don't know what to do
because every time before this
you were always the one to leave,
not me.

To understand my mind you must go mad
you must hear the voices in my mind
telling me no, you can't, they hate you
you must remind yourself daily that nothing will ever go your way, you are worthless, you will never live up to expectations.
you must know that you are nothing.
you must be constantly worried, anxiety like no other.
you must be constantly sad, depressed.
you must remind your self to keep living.
you must force yourself
you must try.
you must
*I must