The worst feeling in the world is that of realization.
Not realization as in enlightenment.
Realization as in that crushing moment when your wold falls and cumbles landing on your already broken heart.
Realization is when it hits you.
He's not yours anymore.
You can't text him anymore
He's not gonna tell you everything is okay.
He's never gonna say he loves you anymore.
He doesn't
You do.
He has moved on
You haven't.
He has a new girlfriend
It makes you cry.
He ignores you
You reach out to him as though searching for a lifeline.
As if a single hello will pull you out of the waters your drowning in.
Realization hurts.
Like when it hits that as your crying alone he's in another girls embrace.
As your breaking down
She's holding your world.
As you sit blade poised over your wrist.
She's kissing him and he's saying he loves her.
Just like he said to you.
He knows he hurt you
He doesn't care
He knows your crying
He wont be their.
He never will
Ever again.
After I put this pen down I'm done.
I'm going to block him
Delete the messages
Forget he once resided in my heart.
And move on.
So I can he happy.
This realization wont destroy me.
I won't let it.
Ever.

You take over my thoughts
like an army taking over the castle of my mind
pillaging my memories
****** my trust
marauding my joy
and burning down my bridges
forcing me to submit to you
call you my king
and treat you like such
you give me no contact to anyone outside your walls
i thought it was because you cared
foolish little girl
i realize now
you did it so i couldn't see how green the grass was
without you.
and that way people couldn't show me
all the cracks in your facade
flaws in your stories
and to think at one point
i thought you were pampering me
treating me like the queen i am
but no
you were simply masking the cyanide
covering it with a sweet tongue
so I wouldn't realize what you were doing to me
would one day lead to my demise
but that's what you wanted all along.
isn't it?
kidnap my heart
forcing my body to follow it
only so you can
keep that captive too
holding me in a cage
a cage made of
threats
anger
alcohol
and mostly
lust.

Your voice is stuck inside my head
like an old song I'd heard a thousand times,
It's melody once comforting
now only leaves me cold.
as bittersweet nostalgia washes over me
my mind replays the sweet nothings you once whispered in my ear.
every word carrying its own tune
but never carrying any weight
each syllable fluctuating ever so slightly
just like your emotions did
One day your words like feathers forming mighty wings to lift me up
others your words crafting cement blocks tethering my heart down
sinking to the bottom of a dark sea
each threat crashing around me like waves
throwing by body from side to side
like your hands once did

When I gave you my heart in Pandora's box,*
locked and sealed, and safe from me,
You did not taint nor break my heart,
You simply lost the key--

*It is there where all my hatred starts...

Claire
Your voice like bells
resonates through my mind
as memories of your brilliant smile
clouds my thoughts
and the glimmer in your eyes
resides in my fondest memories
for you see
you were there
maybe not physically
but more than anyone ever has
the simple paragraphs you'd write
causing an unbeknown smile to cross my cheeks
as warmth flooded through me
you are the epitome of beautiful
on the inside and out
Remember when we first met?
7 months ago
you were posted on
Just a Band *****
and with a few simple comments
you stole my heart.
after a few days of
threatening to kidnap bands
cuddles
and Dexter
I awoke to a wondrous surprise
you
asking me to be yours
i was hesitant at first
i didn't wanna hurt you
You meant to much to me.
but i agreed.
knowing what would happen would be something
only J.K. Rowling could explain
magic.
But alas we fell a part
Only to be brought back together
and to exchange three precious words
I love you.
now you see,
I'm not the type to exchange words of those caliber
for I know the weight of those words
as do you
So i knew when you said
I love you too
you meant it
and i hoped you knew i meant it to
we've gone on like this for nearly a year now
though we may break up
and see others
we're always drawn together
and I cant explain it
and i don't think anyone else can either
When i see you smile i melt
your eyes make me feel like I'm having a heart attack
but a good one
because I'm not gonna die while you're still beside me
you mean the world to me
and at risk of sounding creepy
I think your the one
and I need you
and
I love you.