~~~

I sat alone in the bleachers
On a Friday night
I saw the ghost of my brother
Saw the ghost of my fallen kite
And I met you for the
1st,
2nd,
3rd,
4th,
5th,
6th time
Because when I'm with you, time stops,
And there's nothing but the air and us
And the city lights, and fast food stops, and gas stations
You give me tingles across my body, ecstatic sensations
And I'm sorry if I'm fixated,
On your big, beautiful...

Aspirations, and dreams
Because they involve me
And, and
I love you!
But what is love?
Baby, please don't hurt me
Because my heart can't take anymore breaking
But there isn't anymore love,
It's all about internships and college and jobs
My body yearns, and throbs
For your touch
A little too much

I'm drowning, in my feelings
And the noises
The ocean is washing over my grave
The ocean is washing open your grave
In my heart, you're the one that keeps me safe

We're mixing the palettes of each other's colours
I love you,
So will you be my kite runner?

The world turned its back on me,
I realized, I didn't know why I was crying.
Blank face, vague tears,
Grey skies, finite bleam.

I begged myself to leave me alone,
I felt something I musn't feel.
Cried with the loudest voice,
While my happiness wasn't on the tone.

Sadness filled my head,
It was the reason why I bled.
Discreet noise was its weapon,
T'was the silence of a hungry lion.

I became the prey of depression,
Anxiety became my companion.
I didn't have a choice,
They'd let me suffer if I escaped their prison.

I am tired.. no —
Not even that word would suffice.
I want to die.

The devil comes and sits across you.
It does not have hooves and horns
But instead it looks like you
Your brown eyes
Your somewhat curly hair
Your brown complexion
It owns it
It wants to own you
No contract is needed
All the devil wants is to
Lock eyes with you
And all you have to do is nod
Nod,your head up and down
It understands
It knows
It does not care for your imperfections
It only cares for what you hold
Your soul
All you want is success

You nod your head up and down
In a blink of an eye
The devil has gone
But with your soul
You breathe knowing what you’ve done
But continue on and head back home

You enter your dark lit room
The vibe is different, wait no
It’s not there
It’s no longer yours
You feel the emptiness both in your gut
And around the room

Sacredness is now inferno
Personal is now inferno
Colors and words are now your new inferno
Your thoughts are poisonous
You can’t talk
You can only think in this inferno
No tune can mellow you out
NO drugs can numb you
No love can shelter you
No words comfort you
Everything hurts
Like a roses thorn

But this is your new home
Now inferno.

I was a fool in pain.

Selfish,
childish,
wrapped up in my feelings,
and oblivious to yours.

Desperately wanting to extinguish
the fire in my heart,
which I knew would never burn for two...
Heartbreak changed me.

I wanted my pain to end
and yours to begin.
Threw all emotions and history aside,
and willfully,
disregarded your emotions
to deliver the bitter end.

I was a fool in pain.

I see you now,
your accomplishments,
the people in your life
and the love which fills it...
While I
desperately search for someone to set a spark
in my hearth where your fire once burned.
Countless attempts,
countless heartbreaks.

Punishment for the ugly end I wrote in our story.

You were right.
It did not have to end the way it did.

Though the juvenile pain has now subsided,
I forever bear your scorch marks on my chest.
Though we are no longer in each other's stories,
I forever carry you in this tear-jerking memory.

I miss you,
I think of you still.

I was a fool.