Reminiscing and contemplating, why pray and hope for heaven when you continuously to live like we live and put a ticket for hell.

When you live in this spell and repeat this hell you become a disgrace to loved ones...

Plugs from society f over and forgotten you knew what you were doing was wrong and it was rotten.

It's a long road seen a lot of places and many a sad faces.

We live by a code that's never been forgotten always show respect accept no disrespect.

So when you have lived like we have no aspect and remember bad times make the good times better..

Reminisce and contemplate while you were plugged out f over and forgotten.

This life is hell and this is not the place.

Remember the code and tell yourself Life as a failure is no longer..

Find the true you before it's too late.

Respect for self.

Respect for others.

Responsibility for all actions.

lost

i am drifting
lost in the sea of my mind
all around - all I can see is open water
my head is above the water, but i feel it pulling me down
this monster that has taken everything from me
it’s name is depression
it pulls me deeper and deeper
until the waters go still
and there is nothing

clocks

ticking away
the hours, the months, the years
but despite time moving forward,
i am frozen - alone
in a place where the sun set long ago and has yet to rise again
i sit here and write in the dark
and in the background i hear time move forward
but i am suspended in the night
waiting for the day when the sun will rise again

fog

i started this journey long ago
walking on the pavement
but then one day i looked down
and it was broken - i was broken
i trip on the cracks and fall
i compose myself and stand back up
to face another day
but the road has run out
and all I am left with as i walk along the ground that was once a road, but has since turned into dirt, is the monster called depression-
it tells me i am nothing
that i am not worth it
but i continue walking
lost in the fog
hoping one day to be free

the morning

7:30 am

I'm awake again, I'm alive
But am I, really?
Every day I wake up and ask myself this same question.
I feel myself breathing, but I am completely numb.
Everyone I love has tired of me - all I have left
Is the battle in my head; my demons keep me company
I've wanted to end it so many times- wanted it all to be over - but the truth is, the person I used to be; happy, full of life died long ago.
All that is left
Is an empty shell of the man I once was
Life is an endless loop
For me
Beginning at

7:30 am

holding on

i hold on to the people in my life
that i love so much
but every time
one of them leaves
the chain weakens
and i am closer to falling
hoping that it will not break
and I will always have someone to hold me up

I loved you. I needed you.
But I shyed away from your rays
Yet I saw you without seeing you
When I do force my eyes to stare
at the goldenness of you
your face is unfocused and
I am temporarily blinded
by the halo.
2 seconds.
That is the longest I last in direct line with your light
before I revert back to my wallflower state
A moss of hair falls into place
Always busy doing nothing
Your closeness warms me
The close proximity makes me shiver too
Too hot and too cold at the same time
I break into a fever
I feel too cold without your presence
but my cheeks flame when you are too near
I swear my mind is getting muddled
all I think about is how I get the perfect balance
of the distance between me and you
Though you scorch me
my mind convinces me I want you near
The closer I get the harder it is for me to breathe
My heart pounds impossibly fast
What is wrong with me?

My eyes sting as they sit glued to the screen of my phone and my thumbs robotically type out this poem

I need something real. Something tangible.