ew you’re on your period
that’s disgusting
and whenever i get a "feminine product"
i have to hide it deep down where nobody sees it
but you see
we live in a world where our own girls are getting *****
i’m a girl, not a *** object
but in the eyes of a ****** that is
exactly
what
i am
but i’m not an object
i am a person
i am a life giver
just imagine if men were as disgusted in **** as they are with periods
in the sixth grade
when the word period was mentioned
the whole room would burst out in laughter
i am a girl
my lady bits bleed
and that’s what makes me strong
and that’s what makes me a young woman
and that’s what will make me a mother one day
so ew you’re on your period
that’s disgusting
is not an insult to me

I’m happy
(I’m depressed)

I love myself
(I hate myself)

I can’t wait to live my life
(I can’t wait to die)

I am lucky to have my friends
(why do they even like me?)

I have a family who loves me
(and I continue to disappoint them)

I am an excellent student
(I can’t focus in school)

I want to travel the world
(will I even live to do that?)

I’m fine
(I’m not fine)

I’m perfectly okay
(please help me)

I remember saying "You're going to have to be careful" and her head would tilt just enough for me to see the confused scrunch in her eyebrows. A grin formed half consciously on my face, "you're going to have to be careful, most people can't do this without falling for me."
The confused scrunch in her eyebrows burnt into a faint flicker of annoyance and fell down her face into her eyes but she managed to answer with a laugh in her voice as she pulled back the sheets and stepped into the hallway, "Whatever you say. We'll see".

Looking back I'm not sure if I was warning her or myself, but I do know that wouldn't be the last time my insecure arrogance would cause me to watch her walk away

There's this part of me,
that longs to be alone

other people become weights
that are to heavy for me to carry

some people think I am an idea in their head,
this fantasy woman they made up somehow along the way
and transferred onto me when they met me
like I am a concept for them
to make them happy, to be the thing that they have always needed

when in reality
I am just me
and I get angry and I'm stubborn and impossible sometimes
I'm just a girl who is messed up too,
trying to find her place in this world,
just like you

As years faded by
I was in-denial I was living a lie
swallowed by my own false identity
by burying reality deep inside
more high than sober
living in a nightmare that is never over
with everyday, my senses fade
and I complacently follow into your malicious games
losing touch of why I stay
constantly confused of who I am underneath my name
told myself every night this is real
but when walking during the day I am filled with shame
I'm not an object for you to steal
layers of your delusions
I'm trying to peel
all my colors, you have concealed
even though I am now miles away
I'm still trying to remember how to feel.

-a.t