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Jessy Jul 2018
i’m sorry
  Jul 2018 Jessy
Pure of Stars
I’m drowning in my sorrows
   And my anxiety is my anchor
Each worried thought and “what if” pulling me down and down
I can no longer breath and I’m itching in my skin
My lungs feel as if they are about explode with every thought that has brought me down
I watch as I sink further and further down
Any light of hope disappearing
Now it’s dark
And I know there is no way out
In drowning in my sorrows
And you weren’t there to pull me out
Guess it’s a writing day for me, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Feeling kinda lonely :)
  Jun 2018 Jessy
Carter Ginter
Waking up to a heavy chest
My body begging me to sleep again
And my anxiety begins the second I realize I'm alive
I'm trying to learn to function
With all of this negative energy inside me
I know it'll pass and
I know it'll get better
But right now it hurts
I feel unloved
I feel lost inside myself
A place I can't stay too long
Before I lose my mind
I can tell myself I'm worth it and
That my worth isn't defined by others
And it works for a bit
Until something else comes up and
My heart loses its energy
And I either feel like giving up
Or ready to fight everyone
  Jun 2018 Jessy
She threw to many sharp stones.
So as her glass house tumbled down,
She would pick one of the shards of choir glass off the ground and use it
as a instrument.
Always playing the same violent violin piece across her dynamical skin.

Her mother always knew she had
a gift for music.
So when she heard the same solemn chorus pitching from the living room ceiling,
She darted to steal the show.

And become her daughters duet...her piano,
To hug her so tightly,
Singing and squeezing
Until her violin chords stopped bleeding.
Parents make and break you
  Jun 2018 Jessy
Pure of Stars
When people see my sacrs
they ask me why i did it

They all tell me it’s no use
It only makes your body ****

But what they don’t know is that I don’t do it for attention
I do it to make the pain from the inside
come out
Please don’t hurt yourself. Talk to someone. Talk to me if you need to. Remember that the stars shine for you, and they’ll miss the world without you
  Jun 2018 Jessy
My whole world
Down around my ears,
And all you can do is
"It’s schadenfreude, *****.
Nothing I can do.
You gotta help yourself."
Help myself?
I get up in the mornings
When I feel like leaving my bed
Might **** me.
Sometimes I even get dressed
Even though the seams of jeans
Scraping against my thighs
Is like a subtle, silent torture.
Reminding me
Of the scars they sit against.
Even though the necessity
Of removing my shirt
Makes me want to peel off
My skin along with it.
Because it doesn’t fit
Has never fitted
Feels so wrong.
I help myself
Every time I take a bite of food,
Ignoring the voice in my head
That tells me I’m fat.
Every time I step out the front door
Fighting through a wall
Built in my head
But very, very solid,
Constructed of all the fears
My subconscious can imagine.
And it can imagine a lot,
Trust me,
I’m a writer and an artist,
My imagination knows no bounds.
Mix it with self loathing,
And a good measure of crazy
And it makes a witch’s brew
“nice try, *******.”
Don’t tell me to help myself,
When you have no idea
What it is like to live
While arguing with yourself,
Being shouted at inside your head,
Everything a battle.
Don’t. *******. Tell me
That you understand.
You don’t.
How can you,
Unless you’ve spent days,
Hiding in your room,
Because downstairs there are knives
And everything
In you wants to feel them
Sliding through your flesh.
How can you,
If you haven’t looked in a mirror
And seriously contemplated
Just hacking bits off.
Because the pain of doing that
Would surely be less
Than the pain of seeing
Those alien body parts
Hanging from your frame
Every day.
How can you know?
How can you tell me
To just smile.
Just think positive.
Just go for a walk.
Drink green tea.
Eat some chocolate.
Do yoga.

Don’t tell me I’m ok.
I’m not.
And that’s ok.
I don’t have to be a perfect,
Functioning member of your society.
They’re your rules,
Not mine.
I don’t have to be happy in myself
All the time.
I don’t have to smile
Until my face aches,
While holding my tears inside.
I help myself.
Every day.
Just by continuing to exist.
By continuing to look ahead
And try.
Jessy Jun 2018
just waiting for the day
when those zeros can be filled
with the date of my death
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