there is so much i'm afraid to ask you.

i want to know what it means
when it feels like a knife's blade
is trailing down your back whenever
anyone says ma'am or miss
but it doesn't carve into your flesh
the way you'd assume it might

i want to understand why i want
to carve and shape my chest
but don't mind if my curves stay
if it means i could wear a corset
and compress the rest of my body

i want to know why i am afraid to tell you
even though you're my best friend
and i know that you understand
and i know that you're here for me
but i'm afraid you will think
i am making it up as i go, like this
hasn't been long enough

but i have known something was wrong
for over a year

i didn't talk to you much then
even though i knew you for years

but i couldn't figure out why i was scared
why i am scared
why i have been scared of myself
and my body
and my mind
and i don't know where i am or what i'm doing
but i'm scared if i tell you now

it will be too late.

i know you know.

i don't have to tell you anything

but at the same time i know
that if i don't, you won't mold your words
around my mind, you won't plant
the flowers of change in your collar

and it's not because you wouldn't,

it's because i haven't given you a name for it.

one is a name you said reminded you of carnations

two is a name you told me existed

three is a name that even i am afraid to utter
because i don't feel right taking it from you
even if i tick all of the boxes perfectly.

it is a name i am not familiar with yet.

it is a name that would steal my parents' daughter
away from them

and it would not grant them a son either.

i want to talk about it so badly
but my lips won't form the words
and everyone around me has already
begun assimilating their language
without my telling them

i wish you would ask me what is wrong.

and i wish you would choose
'them'
for me.

Her
Last words
To me
Were:
"Don't forget
That
I love
You
And you put back the missing pieces
In more ways than one
And I am forever thankful to you"

I* talk of the fairy from Nagpur.

Lovely she is very much playful,
Of a perfect smile she is holder,
Voracious I am & she's food,
Extremely delicious!!!

Best beautiful girl I've ever known,
Holder of beauty she is a beholder,
Ultra she's as beautiful as the moon,
My dream girl she is my real killer,
I have kindled this dream for her,
Kodak moments are all her smiles,
A**nd her beauty I can never forget.

he told the boy
that he loved him

and the boy smiled
and sadly shook his head
and with an
"i'm sorry"
the boy wiped his
hopes away

but he persisted
and followed the boy
in most everything he did

he burnt rosemary
as an offering
and decorated the candles
with candied ginger
and cloves

it wasn't until
they found him
alone on his couch
asleep
forever

that anyone knew
what had happened
or that anything seemed amiss

he loved the boy
too hard

and when the boy
didn't love him back

he was too
disappointed
to cry

so he became
a bottle of coke
and the more he was shaken
the faster he went