When I close my eyes I’m in my childhood home playing hide and seek with friends I’ll never see again

I find my favorite hiding spot
I hope I’m never found

You’re slipping away from me. My instinct is to tighten my grip as much as I can. But I forget that love is water. The tighter I grip, the more it slips through my fingers.

I threw away your toothbrush today
After I got back from a date with someone new
It’s not because I love this girl, or because I don’t love her
But because I need to move on
I’ve spent too many nights brushing my teeth and seeing you next to me when I close my eyes

Rubbing off your mascara with water because I never bought makeup remover
Holding your face close through my blurry, contact-less vision
Marveling at how lucky I was to have someone of such beauty right here in my arms
Stepping into our cold bed and warming each other like hands around a fire
Falling asleep to the sound of your voice

But it’s just a toothbrush

Floating without ambition, letting life crash over me

You ground me to the ocean floor
Though the rope I so barely am clutching on to
I am weak, left clutching the frayed remnants of us

I bake in the sun, cracking
But it doesn’t warm me like it used to

My phone screen is too bright
Parties are too loud
Work is exhausting

And what I’m doing for my mental health isn’t enough

I hope this ends soon
Not with death, I just want whatever this is to stop
I’m getting through it, don’t get me wrong
I’m just worried to see who I am when I come out the other side

I overfilled my mug with coffee this morning
I saw it reach the top
Then continued to pour until it spilt on the table

I stopped at a green light today
I knew it was green
I wanted to hear the symphony behind me

Is love the word you say out of obligation after spending months with someone?
Or is it the rush when you stare into their eyes knowing they look at you the same

Can you love something as simple as your favorite flower?
What constitutes love?
Because i’m starting to think I need a lesson on what love is

But I do know you can’t teach love

The pain you feel is real
Pain felt by others is not pain felt by you
Focus on that felt by you

Absorb it
Feel it
Live it

For you are not given this pain without reason
To learn, to grow, to experience as you wait for something better, whatever it may be
Just don’t live ignoring the pain you’re meant to feel

The highs wouldn’t be as high without the lows and the sun wouldn’t be as special without the rain before

I promise things will get better, but please live where you are
Please

I still don’t know when enough is enough
Am I hurting myself?
So much time that you’ve lived in my mind
Tired of not knowing when enough is enough

Two souls connecting for a fleeting moment
Drunk on the words of one another
The moment seemed so timeless
No one besides you and I

Trivial bodies, they only held the medium with which we connected
Two people beyond the grasp of space and time
Intoxicated on the realization we aren’t alone
We become one that night

I pray our paths cross again, someday, somewhere
Night prematurely left, and I am left pondering the notion we still have the magic we need
Foundation laid with no time to build
Pure momentary bliss with someone I may never see again