If you were to ask if I missed you
I am supposed to say no
Supposed to say I've moved on and far away
Supposed to put on a smile and walk away
But the truth is I do miss you
I miss never feeling alone
I miss how you understood what I was feeling
I miss the awful jokes
And the long days
And you weren't perfect
I know that now
But you were there when I needed you
You gave me my life back

I close my eyes and I can see your face.
Sometimes clear as day.
Others, dusted with fear and pain.
And I wonder if this is some cruel trick.
Left dreaming forever.
Of a man I may never see again.

I remember the emptiness in your eyes
Waiting for you to die
You never knew I turned out just like you
What a sick twisted game it is
I remember speaking to you softly
Watching you struggle to eat
And I remember telling you
"It's me, your grand-daughter"
Only for you to just stare in my face
I remember hours of cards in the waiting room
And the very last time I saw you
Tied to a bed
Lost in a dream you would never escape from
Fighting so hard
Ultimately to only give up

I could see it as clearly as if my eyes were open
There as a man in the house
And I'm awake alone
I lay down in the tub out of sight and dial the phone
But while I remain hidden he finds you instead
And he puts a bullet in your head
He passes by the door of the room
And I swear this is how I meet my fate
But he walks past
And out I dash
Out the window
And down the wall
Across the road and again I call
But before they come you are gone
No one could save you
If only I had been god enough.

It starts small
Just the urge
To part my lips and let it happen
But it's easy to ignore
Easy to move on
And slowly it grows
From an urge
The simple unconscious idea
To a want
My brain sends the signal to eat
And I ignore it
My stomach begins to hurt
And I once again ignore it
The pain grows worse as my head too throbs
And my vision blurs
But I push on
Too many pretty girls out there
And I just want to be one
I begin to feel weak
And soon it's all my brains wants to imagine
How good it would feel to eat
But feeling thin will feel better
My brain starts to lag and I just say to myself
Just one more day
Then we can eat

I step over the edge
My feet feel the rope
Test it
And then I step again
Fully on the line
And at first I feel as though I will fall
I wobble and I lean over what feels like miles
And I don't want to fall
It's a fine line and I'm not sure I know how to walk it
But I hope with you here I can take your hand
Walk it to the end
Lest I fall off again
And start all over again