Are you awake my love it's so hard for me to sleep.
I'm so tired yet my eyes do nothing but weep.
I don't feel you holding me or your warm breath on my skin.
I rolled over and reach for you as I felt a piercing coldness deep within.
Laying here beside you your presence  nowhere near.
I knew at that moment I was about to come face-to-face with My Own Worst Fear.
Please wake me from this nightmare it's not supposed to be this way
God put us back in each other's arms for us to stay.
My love for you hasn't nor will it ever die.
I would lay down my life for you and never even ask why.
I shouldn't feel alone as you're lying right next to me.
Please bring back that man that I fell in love with the way things need to be

©kimmied1105

There's nothing more to overcome as this  battle from within,  pounds, burns, sharp as a knife then pounds, burns and tingles til numb. My nerves fighting my muscles,  as my bones are deteriating away ,
  How can it be the anatomy of my being is fighting to survive
The rate of my existence said to be extinguished seven years ago.
  Whom is it they think they are to set my death. Indeed I should have boundaries  The mind is a powerful thing
  I wake from my short slumber to roll from my bed, the pain unbearable but it's all in my head, or so I make myself believe
   I think and I ponder and speak to my mind so my body can hear.
  Questions without answers so why even inquire. Take this take that you need one no maybe five. Please put your pad away for I will take only my mind, no doubt in my mind it is the meaning and will as to why I'm still alive. So keep all your poison, for I will fight this battle from within and show them I will survive.
To wake is a blessing as is every step that I take
  I know my pain will never go away so what more can be done, sadly nothing so I deal with it and go on with the day

©kimmied1105

The young mother weeps as she softly embraced her new baby boy.
  As he grows she taught him to crawl and next to walk, she taught him to talk and to be a big boy.
  She taught him respect and manners and right from wrong.
  Her battle began as he grew a little older she had no choice but to raise him alone.
  Feeling as if she wasn't enough she found herself instead of discipline she protects him at no cost and carried his blame.
  Which led him to believe he had no consequences to face for any of his actions.
  She now blames herself for the choices that he made she begged him not to drink and drive.
  Her warning fell short of reaching him only this time saving him was no option.
  He lost his best friend after a party on their journey home.
  The boys parted ways that night without ever saying goodbye for one went to heaven her  son was sentenced to prison and taken away. As his consequences are much deeper than his sentence, life without ever losing the memory of that horrible night is a sentence no judge can beat.
  For now she weeps for the day that she will feel again her son's soft embrace.
©kimmied1105

Looking back trying to rekindle my childhood, my memories seem to be scattered;
  Maybe God has erased most them, and left only the ones that mattered.
  Trying to sort through the ones that still remain;
  I find myself saddened and my heart filled with so much pain.
  As a little girl growing up I felt so alone;
  The lifestyle that surrounded me I wish I would have never known.
  I long for the one thing that every child needs and should never have to do with out.;
  The love and the nurturing from my mother I know nothing about.
  The absence of her emotions haunt me day by day;
  Although I'm grown with two children of my own I still long to feel her acceptance and her love this I asked for the Lord to touch her every time I pray.
  She will never know nor even care the way I hurt and  feel inside;
  She will never see The Emptiness for the life that I was deprived.
  Is it that I was so obsessed with her approval and the need for her attention;
  That I myself have neglected the needs of my own children I dare not admit or venture to mention.
  I pray that the Lord grant me the ability to give them the attention and affection that I was never shown.
  I chose some paths I knew better than to choose;
  I made my own mistakes never taking into consideration what it was that I was about to lose;
  Now that I've lost them or regretfully chose to walk away;
  My life has become a living hell needless to say.
  Never did I want my children to grow up in the same environment that I had to;
  I want so much more for them and I will do everything I need to do.
  I have faith that my life with help  from the Lord will turn around and I will have my babies back where they belong.
  Living without them has taught me so much, I  hope one day they can give me forgive me and give me the chance to do what's right for all I have done wrong.

Alone in the darkness,  my body is so numb;
Sincerely clueless as to what I've become.
  My strength is fading  with each passing day;
   Lord I pray unto you please take this hurt away;
  For whatever I've done in my life that could have been so wrong;
  Lord I ask you to forgive me, I've been sad and too long;
  My heart beats with passion, still Longing For love;
   Dear Lord am I not worthy of this blessing from above?.

My life has been more than empty for so many years;
  Filled with so much sadness as I've  cried lonely tears.
  Allowing myself to feel this for so long I had given up on me;
  I was coming to terms with my life and accepting this harsh reality.
  My dreams that I would some day be loved, For Better or For Worse;
  They were all fading away now and being replaced by a curse.
  Although I wanted to place the blame on someone besides me;
  The truth is the Choice was mine of how my life would be.
  The Lord gives us this life with free will to decide the paths on our own;
  I probably would have made different choices if I would have only known.
  So cherish this life, for you only have one;
  Live each day like your last, learn to walk before you run.

Life seems so short and time goes by fast;
  Thinking of memories, consumed by your past.
  The choices we made, the roads we travel down;
My if we had just one chance to stop and turn it all around.
  So any decisions we made, yet for the most part we're wrong;
  Yet my life still holds the question, as to where I belong.
  I know in my heart that God has his purpose for me;
   Maybe it is I'm looking for answers I feel that I cannot see.
  As I look back now I would be lying to say the choices that I made I don't regret,;
   However if I could change my choices how would I know that they were mistakes yet?
  Was I so often if given a chance, we would go back in time to make it all change;
  For all the wrongs would  be right, the bad into good, just too awake to a life so different and strange.
  As you read these words that I say;
  Continue to read before the next time you pray.
  There's always a beginning where something  ends;
  Such is true, that there must be an ending before another begins.
  Before I kneel to pray, I pray not to change but for forgiveness, for my bad choices per say;
  I praise my dear Lord for now I see, my past met my future, learning my mistakes taught me how to be the person that I am today.

Beware of the words spoken from his soft Whispering voice;
  Your heart is vulnerable as you're leaving it no choice.
  Spoken like they flow from the depths of his heart far within;
  His words melt your body, where your weakness shall begin.
  He knows he has you by the look on your face;
   Every word spoken every promise made held deep within your heart in it's own special place.
  He will come to you like a thief in the night;
  Consuming your thoughts and blurring your site.
  He will take your sanity as he steals your heart;
  Beware of this man's deception he will tear your world apart.

Can you tell when I'm happy or since when I'm sad;
  Does it matter that you've hurt me just because you're mad.
  Does it make you feel big to make me feel small?
  Are you not concerned that I'm building a wall?
  A wall to  protect me from feeling the pain;
  A wall that s
aves me from going insane.
  I don't want to lose you, I love you with all my heart;
  I can't imagine life without you, I would just fall apart.
  Must you walk in front of me and not by my side?
  Is the price of losing me worth all your pride.?
  Are you so consumed with your own hate and anger?
   That you treat the woman that you love worse than a stranger
  I do have feelings contrary to what you may believe;
  Are intentionally pushing the limits to see if I will leave?
   I'm tired of being taken for granted and stomped in the ground;
  You act like you saved me from some lost and found.
  You're pushing me away that Much is a fact.
   I won't take this forever, can you live with that?
  I'm not claiming to be perfect in any shape form or fashion;
  I'm not asking for much just for you to treat me with respect and love me with pure passion.
  If that's asking too much, then I must be on my way.
  Everyone deserves to be loved and respected, if you can't do this  there's nothing more to say.

You must have heard me cry for you, as I looked up at the sky;
  Why did you have to go so soon, without even saying goodbye?.
  It's as if the world had stopped as silence filled my head;
  When through the silence a voice began speaking, and this is what it said.
  Your days will go in without me, though I'm never far away;
  I may not be in front of you, but I'm in your heart to stay.
  Please don't cry sad tears for me, you will never be alone;
  The day will come when you cry tears of joy, when the Good Lord calls you home.
  So as you all gather by my grave to pay your last respects;
  Don't say goodbye, say I'll see you later, incase the Lord calls you next.
  As I turned to walk inside thinking I must be losing my mind;
  I reached for the door as I watched it slowly open, as my hand fell to my side.
  As chills ran over me, I knew at that moment, it was your voice I could hear:
  I couldn't help but smile as I walked through the door, watching as it closed behind me , I knew you were standing near.
  Tears falling down my face, remembering your kind and gentle heart;
  For the next time you open a door for me is when my eternal life shall start.