I believe God gave us the struggles we go through for a reason.
Even if it doesn't make sense now,
It might make sense in the future.
Never question his reason as to why you are suffering.
Because God has a great plan for you.
It's just too soon to see it.

I have such a big heart, it's really so unfair.

Why would you call this love, if you knew this wasn't.
If this was not love, please tell me what was it?

Incomprehensibly inebriated, I stood up
Whether I walked, stumbled, fumbled or
Even crawled; I need not know or care
I struck you my friend, my best one too
Never did I deserve such company anyway
Pity, six of the best and hardest years spent
Mostly with you by my side and I by yours
Knowing what's best for someone is hard
A two way curse I say, whilst it may be best
It mightn't be what is wanted or needed
For arguments sake, we'd squabble
In the name of fun and youth we'd dabble
To be cast aside and know you deserve it
Friend, it hurts but the damage is done

Incomprehensibly inebriated, I threw
Six of the best, hardest years away
They say boys don't cry but we did,
When they said we couldn't attend our
High school prom because we didn't
Behave or act in a way that proved we
Wanted and deserved to go, although it
Wasn't for lack of trying, I remember
Those phone calls, Those late nights
I remember the successful appeal we made
How we both attended the prom, delightful
How your date was drop dead gorgeous
How mine kind of, wasn't?
You laughed Because she wanted to sleep with me and
You could tell I wasn't keen, funny times

Now we're 20 and we don't really speak
I know it's only been three to four weeks
Since I irreversibly ****** up, it's just
It feels like a long time now, I think a lot
About how I'm not friend material because
I hurt people, emotionally and physically
I'm a lousy drunk and cynical too
I've been this way a long time, nothing new
I have problems buried down deep
Even demons too, but I fought them
With others, I fought them with you

Refresh me Holy Spirit with your Love, Peace, and Healing.
Help me to reach out to all that are hurting, and suffering.
For as much as you have blessed me here on the earth.
I need to bless others , for there is not one that does not need you.
For we all need you, your Salvation and Grace as well my God.
For only you can save us, from the sins, anger, and hate we stuck in.
Only through you can we totally Love others unconditionally.
For its only human nature to love those that loves us and hate our enemies.
But with the knowledge of our brokenness and seeing how you love us.
Can we start to love others with same powerful love given to us.

Lost, alone
Beneath a cloudless night
Jet black, a canvas
For star & moonlight.
Crisp wind
Burns my glassy eyes
As memories flood in
All darkness & lies.
Flawless snow
Crunches under my feet
As my pace quickens
Into a solitary retreat.
This, my pain
I carry alone
Folded deep away
So far from home.

I dared to turn just to find,
That you had left me far behind.
Nary a murmur from your lips,
Or a gesture from your fingertips.
I waited just among the trees,
Counting all the fallen leaves,
Until I’d see you there again,
Along the road, around the bend.
Far off to the horizon I look,
Wondering which path you took.
Are you happy, whole, & well?
This storm within, I cannot quell.
Alas, I’m sorry, I cannot wait.
For how does one forsake their fate?
When the snowdrops greet a new dawn,
Perhaps you’ll see I’ve moved on.
And ‘neath the oak, down by the bend,
Towards the forest, there I wend.
Forget me not, nor I you.
Farewell, my love, a fond adieu.

I catalog events with a subtle, ulterior pretense
Describing the notorious infamy in all the events
And anything characterized, inspiring, and bold
Makes a story unfold in the real time it's told
I am snowblind and need defibrillation to wake up
Either my heart turned cold or has simply had enough

The ferry fan dreamboat has only so inadequately found
That as I feel my orienting response record the time down
It is not truly me who was looking around
Though I can pinpoint the exact moment that I drowned
The only lingering product of me absolutely remaining
Is the aftermath of my angina so ever restraining
Never complaining until the sound of the trigger
Then I'll be adamant to describe that noise with vigor
Though rigorous it may be, I will try, I might even with some tact
And let you in one last time presenting only fact.
I stepped away and left this place while presently in line
The sentence was one more time for the last time
And then you said goodbye

I was watching all the while a vapor on the scene
And I felt myself lose oxygen with no production in my spleen
My blood does not perfuse in that bilateral moment of blame
How can I let asystole clamp and constrict my cowed red vein?
How could I dilate the cause of my shame?
How could I love my life in the rain?

The simple reason I was experiencing tinitus...
I found out all connections were lies
Like a manufactured virus
Love was a prescription with doses written in ink
With no distinction and no response I could not think
With no recompense or recognition I felt my larynx shrink

I was only dumbfounded so I took to my reflexes
Handpicking a numb tendency to fill my recesses
But it only drains you and me and leaves a hole behind
I'm nowhere near magical so it's power cannot rewind
If so inclined I'll tap my spine and steer it all back
But I don't feel you anymore
*Only this heart attack

You are so important.
You are the concrete built to keep cars from traipsing off highways.
You are the talking down of man when jumping off bridge becomes salvation.
You are the last kiss in hospital rooms
You are the goodbye in airports.
You are exit wounds that go straight through,
You would never lodge yourself somewhere unwanted.
You are the sun after a night almost decisioned as last.
You are the mantra I repeat every morning feeding me to love myself.
You are the reason that today will not fall to the right of the dash sign on gravestone.
You are diaries filled with prayers to God
that I was too scared to voice for fear that he would not recognize me.
You are every foot forward when I was scared my blackness was too big to enter into classroom conversations.
You are wild eyes when everyone is too in trend to take off their cool.
You are naked heart when cold has caused frost bite of these  hands.
Body yearning to be touched but too scared to be honest.
You are the silent
"You are here"
when depression floods me with "you are nothing"
You are the
"This will pass"
when anxieties infiltrate my home without knocking.
You are the silent "I am here"
When I grow tired
with hurt from people
I would lie down what ever blessings God has on back order for me.
You are not the absence of fear but the courage of being scared and to keep moving anyways.
You are hello's too long overdue
from girl too often overlooked.
You are the seeing of Queen over seductress.
You are the man, not loyal to being loyal but, fiercely protecting what is human,
what is steady,
what foundations you have built upon.
You are the calm found in chaos by girl too enthralled by rain to run inside.
You are secrets whispered to the moon
with the ulterior motive of being heard by the stars.
You are everything.
You are so important.


-Indigo Morrison

I am clawing at happiness,
Hoping that it finds me a suitable vessel.
Because, these days are blurring together and
I am seeing endings where there should be ******.
I am filled with leaving
And too scared to scream to the people  I love,
that staying frightens me...
I am finding nothing here
And I am neither good at sitting or good with standing,
And I no longer know in what direction to move one step forward...
I am living in scarcity of myself,
Putting together the scraps of myself
that I no longer want,
But it is all I have.
And my God am I trying to hold on.
I am trying to see the sun
without wishing for the moon.
Wishing for the moon
and waiting for morning.
There is no ground I want to stand on...
There's no hands that leads to arms for me.
You are not here
And you are not willing to lend your heart
while mine is out seeking restoration.
I've always been the woman saving herself
But, how many times do I have to break
in order to be filled?


-Indigo Morrison