I am a failure.
Yes, I understand this.
Thank you
For reminding me though
I really needed that.

I know I am clumsy,
I know I talk funny,
I know all this.
No need to remind me.

I know I am worthless
I know I am hopeless
I already tell myself this
No need for you to also

Yes,
I know I am a failure.
I know this
I know this
I know this

Please though,
Do not remind me,
Let me talk to people,
And not feel guilty
Once in awhile

I know I am a failure,
Now do me a favor,
And quit reminding me

The problem with me,
Is not my back,
But the fact that
I hate to see suffering

If I see someone in pain,
I do everything I can
To carry their burden

As I'm getting older however,
I've met too many people,
And carry too many problems

I was sure I could handle it
But I don't know if I can.
So I hope you are happier,
Back problems are worth it
To see you smile again

Just don't be suprised
If someday soon,
My spine
Simply
*Snaps

I look at pictures
From years ago

Even then
I thought I was
Ugly

Yet when I see the pictures,
I see a beautiful stranger

I don't know who she is,
Except people say
She is me

But she looks so bright
Radiant
And happy

And she is beautiful

She looks innocent
Young
And lovely

Surely,
This girl is not me.

I was never that happy,
Or innocent
Or bright

Was I?

I compare the girl in the picture,
To the girl in the mirror.
How is it possible,
That these are both me?

You’ll be my 2 am thoughts, my 4 am texts. I’ll never stop thinking about you and your lovely eyes. I’ll attach myself to you so that you and everyone else around us knows you’re mine. I’ll cling onto you and never let you go, but I’ll do what makes you happy.
2. I’ll make a home out of you. I’ll run to you when I need to get away from everything, when I need to cry, lay down with someone. Your arms will become my bed and I won’t want to leave you for days.
3. My body isn’t beautiful. I am not gentle and graceful; I am sloppy and empty. My eyes have spilled the four oceans and are completely dry and dead. My bones stick out in unusual places that I have learned to hate from how much they make me ache. My tummy is round and large in my eyes, it takes up too much space and I grab it, I wish it would just disappear. I have tally marks cut into me from my worst days as reminders that I’m not mentally stable, that I struggle. My body can curl up into a ball so small that it makes me question if people can see right through me, if I even exist anymore.
4. I’m hard to love. I want what makes you happy, I don’t care about my happiness, because you will end up controlling it, and it scares me so bad. Your words will affect me more than I will show.
5. When you leave me, it will hurt me for days, for months. I’ll need to be constantly surrounded by people, or I’ll lock myself in the bathroom with my razor and pills. My body will break down, my world will crumble. My tears will be never ending and I’ll cry for you at night that I’ll have no voice in the morning. I won’t exist without you; I’ll completely lose my identity.
6. Lastly, I’ll write ****** poems like this about you.

There is something undeniably romantic about the sun.
Maybe it's the inevitability of its destruction,
Maybe it's the fact that we can all relate to the fact that we are all waiting for permission to die,
Even something as untouchable as the sun is waiting for its turn at the slaughter house.
The very thing that we all depend on for survival is just as fragile as us.
We needn't be afraid of our light any longer because even the sun knows that it isn't everlasting.
There is something undeniably romantic about the fact that like all of us, the sun is pre- determined to self destruct.

I met a genius on the train
today
about 6 years old,
he sat beside me
and as the train
ran down along the coast
we came to the ocean
and then he looked at me
and said,
it's not pretty.

it was the first time I'd
realized
that.

You say you are numb.
That is not numb.
I have felt numb.

That is pain
Behind a mask of
Numbness.

suddenly everything reminds me of you

the stars in the night sky, how they twinkle just like your eyes
stupid love songs on the radio and empty bottles of cheap alcohol

teenagers who were craving for a little danger, crazy adventures
to end up in bed totally drunk, telling each other jokes and silly stories

being able to finally say that someone is in love with you too

because darling I could watch you for a minute
and find a thousand things that I love about you

no words can describe how much you mean to me
and how happy you make me feel, every single day

we lost our thoughts and forgot where we belonged in the world
The only thing that mattered was us being together, forever.

As the months have gone by,
I have seen you try and try,
To turn things around& pick yourself up from the ground,
No matter what the rumour, never let it affect your humor,
A smile on your face,
Seems you have everything in place.

The fight goes on and on,
But still you, you remain strong,
The shine in your eyes,
Behind it you hide, the lies
of being okay, a struggle you face everyday.

But still through it all, you remain there,
Advice you give, your heart you share,
The love its real, you make sure I feel, creating your own little armour of steel.

An inspiration for me,
A true friend not hard to see,
Beside you I will remain,
No matter what the pain.