Julia Mae

Julia Mae Jun 2017

i leave
without a word
without a sound
that's how you know
truly
that i'm never coming back

#goodbye #leaving #silence #silent #hurting

Jun 2017

chasing rain

i am fearful
of you,
who decided
you wanted to know me

and i am fearful
of me,
who is willing to hurt you,
so i can hurt myself.

i am afraid
when you stay,
because i know
you will leave soon.

and i am afraid
when you leave,
because i really wanted you
to stay

(my favorite dreams
are when you walk away from me,
because i know you will be happier
without me.

and my worst nightmares
are when you stay,
because i know
it’s only a matter of time.)

keep your distance
because i am scared of you
who will inevitably
hurt me
in the end

i do not deserve the you
who will build me up.

i only deserve myself,
who will continue to break me down.

—i am afraid of how much i need you

#selfhate #depression #dependence

Julia Mae Jun 2017

self-find.

he was out there finding someone new already
i was here finding myself
learning to live with myself
filling in the void that you left behind
that no one but myself can replace
maybe i wasn't good enough
but that was a reflection of yourself, not me
(this i am still learning)

he has someone new in his bed tonight
while i was there one week ago with him
i may be alone now, night after night
but at least i am brave enough to find myself
and i don't need another hand to hold, to fill your void
like you had to fill mine that i left behind

#self #find #selflove #breakup #relationships #love #fill #void #empty #strong #alone

Julia Mae May 2017

wherever you are.

wherever you are
i hope these words find you well
i hope that you realize
you have many more stories to tell
even when the weight
becomes too heavy
wherever you are
if you aren't right now,
someday you will be smiling

#hope #love #ending #stories #you #smiling #happy

Julia Mae May 2017

(don't) leave.

you ask me not to leave
you say, please
but what are you
expecting from me?
i reply
it's tempting
if only you would change
the way that you treat me

#leave #stay #please #dontgo #love #leaving #relationships

Julia Mae May 2017

please come home.

the walls whisper loneliness
the bed begs for closeness
every night
you were here with me
every night
i kissed you sweetly
but slowly
you were disappearing
i kept trying to make myself known
that i was here still
but i can't make a ghost see me
unless they want to on their own
i close and lock the door
i whisper,
"please come home"
but we don't live here anymore
it's me, again
always finding myself at this familiar end
pangs of nostalgia and
your ghost
won't even haunt me
won't even say hello
anymore

#home #ghost #alone #please #lonely #loneliness #forgotten #disappeared #gone #heartbreak

Julia Mae May 2017

i.

i taught you
that it is okay to treat me badly
because i always
accepted and accepted it
hoping it wouldn't happen again
but that was just showing you
that you can do it
again and again
until there was nothing left of me
and i hated
hated
myself
for teaching you to treat me
like i was nothing

#toxic #abuse #abusive #treating #bad #badly #hate