I guess I'll watch you drown
Let me put on my clown nose
Then you can waste my time
Articulating why I'm so awful
For wanting you to be okay

I guess you'll be going soon
Up to the Coors light mountains
Then maybe down to Miami
Where you'll come to realize
I was only speaking the truth

Or maybe you'll linger here longer
And use me as target practice
Because you just could not
Get yourself up out of bed
And immersed into the world

You only ever talk about

He echoes
It's quite vivid
For short moments
But then it melts
It evaporates
Scared cloud
Sporadic tears
Whispering
Soft words
Whipped cream
But salt instead
Of saccharine

How long have you been bitter?
These days drift and collide
With rough deep bellied roars
But some days just a squeak
A ghostly moan in the hallway
Car collision wreckage squeal

He echoes
It's monotonous
For long moments
Seemingly endless
Dismal dreaming
Escape routes
Vision boards
A map to nowhere
It's quite vivid
When I'm alone

Particles scattered once again
Humility found beneath debris
High pitched tones in each corner
Sinking quickly down into the sea
Brisk flashes fill the night
A haunted lullaby repeated
Wailing mothers and children
And sirens simply screaming
Chaos ensues and it envelopes
The soul like a gold cast
With prayers ascending
To be immediately ignored
Brought back to the dark ages
Soul torn from flesh
Dripping crimson pleading
Peace is an easy concept
When the only war you've ever known
Is the one that rages deep inside
From when home didn't feel like home

Is there an angel here with me
Wallowing in the corner shadows
Where my eyes dart in the darkness
As I plead my lids to hastily close
Before the sun ascends the latter
Shattering through the window
Spilling onto the parkay flooring
Slithering up and atop my comforter
As I try and meditate on comfort
And those who can so easily drift
Into sweet and restful dreaming
While I delve deep into a panic
Over a conversation exchanged
More than five years ago
I guess there is no paradise
If there's nothing to escape
Do you take full notice
Wallowing angel with grace
The things I must face
Even in the warm embrace
Of my own obsessive thoughts

There's a door I can not open
Not locked just jammed
Taunting and beckoning
I've been away on a journey
Trying to acquire peace

There's someone behind the door
I hear whispering while I sleep
Soft breathing during the day
To venture onward feels
Somewhat sacrificial

I don't want to lose the rope
Break my fingers and descend
Regressing back to the bottom
Wading in the shallow waters
Of the deep grim well

But the scratching never stops
Curiosity is a rolling boil
There's an axe down in storage
They say peace comes at night
So I'll begin in the morning

I realized as I was skimming
The tattered debris of my mind
That it had been quite some time
Since I had summoned you

I suppose I was relieved
I cast you back into the pond
I hope you settled at the bottom
I'll avoid the surface for a while

I dreamed of the apocalypse again
It's not as scary as one would think
I'm used to the bleak kiss of goodbye
I've almost always felt hollow

At times I wish I had the ability
To transform myself into a small
Round Alka seltzer tablet and
Drop myself into the raging sea
To dissolve and disperse into
A million small bubbles fizzing
To reach the top and dissipate
Seeing the sunrise pink and orange
Thousands of times before
Never seeing anything ever again

Can't shake this dismal dreary feeling
That finally everything is crumbling
Not sweet like a fruity baked confection
But asphalt angrily shaking beneath me
To split wide open and fully swallow
Like my eager younger wild years
Looking for a chest to rest my head
To kiss lips and caress confessions
Descending to look up at and into
A plethora of changing angles and eyes
Lips bitten and smitten quickly departing
Leaving me even more so anxious
Glaring at the swinging arms of clocks
A paradox I've fallen in obsession with
To someday clean this filthy slate
And I feel the Earth start to quake
I'm ready to drink the Kool aid
Ascend beyond the shards of glass
That resembled the twinkle of stars
Knowing that I'll drift to sleep
To foolishly repeat the cycle
Until it's not a false alarm

I'd be lying if I said I didn't at least wish
For things to be a little different
But I chose each of these paths branching
And sometimes I want to weep
Alone in the forest with the willows
But I sigh deeply and alone
In a mountain of soft pillows
So I suppose things could be worse

I know so many more sunrises are coming
And there's still time for transformation
But it's hard to rise and not want to sleep
And these molehills seem so steep

I'd be lying if I said I have been content
There's just no excitement anymore
I used to be vibrant neon sweet
Now I feel like a box of stale cornflakes
With an AARP discount on the back
A water damaged readers digest
Scrambling to try and find the cool me
In this sea of melancholy poetry

Because the landslide brought me down
But it's okay for I'm made of Earth
Taurus is my sun sign but I moon bathe
In Aries which didn't make much sense
Until I realized how much I love candles
But I rise in Capricorn which is perfect
I find myself almost always grounded
But my Venus is in Cancer waters
And I wade in dark emotional pools
Where there's room for more than two
I traded champagne for soda water
Because my soul began to drown
But I'm decorated in crystal jewels
And my lair is filled with soft warm
Candles glowing and dry dead flowers
Stacks of books and spiritual statues
Keeping true to my astrological identity
Because the landside brought me down
And other than stars I am Earth

Sea to share the shore
But she's a sociopath
Skillfully she shimmers
Sways and slithers

He didn't see it coming
That great wall of water
When she averted his eyes
To a wondrous pastel sky

Sea submerged the shore
Secretly and sneakily
Sinking ships and scenery
A wet and salty cemetery

I follow your dark cloud
Never bringing an umbrella
Saturated in all of your sadness
Shaken by your thunder bursts
Shocked when you get electric
And pushed aside in your gusts
I'm sure to most it may seem odd
Just extremely harsh and exhausting
But to all those who find me mad
You've never seen his light shine
Gently spread over a meadow
Or heard his booming laughter
Or basked in the warmth of his smile
Or have had his fingers in your hair
So I follow his dark cloud
And walk through all his storms
So that I may lie down in the grass
And drink in all of his warmth

Prophecies in the scrying mirror
Something had gone totally awry
I'd taken the wrong prong in the fork
And have been obsessively wondering why
My dreams and intentions were simple
Build a galaxy and life with my love
But he was just a crow painted white
The peaceful milky shade of a dove
This dream must come to a flat line
A ****** from within must ensue
This secret depressions gone on too long
A rewiring and new outlook is due

Sprawled out in my skin
Hair cascading softly
Over black silk pillows
Gazing off into and through
The ceiling flickering from
The candles waltzing
To Chet Baker singing

Fantasies compiling
Eyes slowly closing
To reopen transported
Champagne and petals
Vintage leather jackets
And black boxer briefs
With air dark and sweet

Fingers caressing
Lips tasting and exploring
Bliss in a California king
A variety of beautiful men
Adoring and pleasuring
Lounging in a sea of lust
Forever playing make believe

To have it all and
Pretend to be content
Uncomfortable
Behind walls
Self constructed
Constricted

Autopilot,
Sincerest smile
Removed and reused
Constantly recycled
Carefully Rehearsed
Exhausted

Chemical imbalance
Shadows shifting
Internal conflict
Overstimulated
Collecting control
Repeat upon waking

To drift
Be taken far out
Brought further into
Subconscious
Slew of symbols
Color coded
Neurons colliding

Sever
To untether
Physical form
From spiritual
Deep inhales
Counting down
Vibrations

Hey,
I'll see you
Out there
In shadows and
Swirling cosmos
With three eyes
And bright aura

Pressure,
It interrupts my sleep
And hides diamonds
Deep in it's womb

Only darkness
Like the quaint
Colonial home
My anxiety squats in

Pressure
Washing the walls
Opening the windows
Evicting this despair

Completely chaotic
Freeway after sunset
Collection of stars
A procession of scars
Still glistening with
Menthol chapstick
From hours before
When he wasn't alone

Completely prepared
To descend hastily
Into the strobes
Air whooshing by
Howling as if to mock
To invite maliciously
To satiate the hunger
To fully eradicate

He spoke often softly
Of this phantom sickness
Blackening the day
Molesting the future
Ruining his plans to stay
Completely chaotic
Freeway after sunset
Into the strobes

Mouth agape
Wisps billowing
Drunk howling
Running man
Two step
Electronic pulsation

Eyes fixated
Silver glamour
Wet pout
Hands reaching
Hands grasped
Lights flashing

Hands dropping
Lower back
Smooth talking
Expensive cologne
Neck kisses
Uber ordered

Fixation
False prophet
Following
Sweating
Showering
Salivating
Submissive

Clutch your cross
Getting nailed
Deep breaths
Derailed

Worshiped
Leather licked
Rebuked
Invoked
Delivered
Baptized
Kept

Pineapple.
I'll hold you forever.
Stay right here,
Warm beside me,
In this disheveled bed,
Skin touching skin,
And then back in.

Curved lips,
Sick chuckle,
Raw dog,
White knuckle,
Belt buckle;
A couple

Cool wet water,
Nightstand,
Long weekend,
Hand in hand,
Sun descends,
I descend,
Pineapple.

Seattle eyes,
Longing, searching,
Filling and flowing,
To be earthed,
With arms open
In a puddle

Phoenix lips,
Pursed, bitten,
Scabbed at the corners
Red in the center
Waving cautiously
To Seattle draught

New York fingers,
Fidgeting, picking,
Anxiously waiting
For the electricity
Of a subway stare,
"Get the **** over here".

Ticking,
Oh and slipping...
Fingertips,
Strands of hair,
Moon water,
Fall air

Dried roses,
Dead vines,
Alarms howling,
Devastated,
Over stayed,
Alabaster

Gray tones,
Mature bones,
Cracked lips,
Tired hips,
Waiting,
Emaciated

Six feet below,
Light years above,
Hollow cave,
Pure white dove,
Black veils,
Black blood

Eyelash
Delicately sitting
On the apple
Fallen not too far
From the tree

Candles blown
Wishes askew
Pearlescent hue
Dreams of you
My apple

Fallen
Or tossed
Regardless
Mine,
I thought

May he be created of Earth
The man who takes my breath
He who tends to my raging fire
The calmer of my chaotic sea

Coerce me down from colliding clouds
Where rainfall drowns out the sound
Of my diligent thoughts dividing and
More so often than not multiplying

May his granite eyes become my home
To tether me to this place dissolving
Such as quicksand but at a glacial pace
Might the branch to save me be his face

I'm tethered but it's fraying
My body is here but it's decaying
And I'm trapped inside my head
Just too drained to leave this bed

Butterfly kisses
Sun licked
Salt brined
Soft sand
Scorched

Two hands
Twenty fingers
Light gust
Waves crash
Delicately

Soft spoken
Silly smirk
Beach towel
Wet saliva
Fornication

Butterfly kisses
Sparkling water
Sweat tresses
Held secure
Sensational

I think I prefer him on the down low
Getting him on the cellular is a no go
Stays ringing in my heart and ears
I want his backhand and his tears
Creeping during the darkest hour
He is my nightshade poison flower

Bad boy with bulging veins
Stripped down to his pain
And he's not so tough anymore
He's got the sweetest core

I think I prefer him on the down low
Plan a date in the day and he's a no show
Leave my midnight window ajar
Like an alley cat he's never too far
My thighs double as his pillow
Got that sadness like the willow

Bad boy covered in ****** ink
But he smiles and I sink
And he's not so tough anymore
When his clothes hit the floor

Fine mist permeates
Decorated, adorned
Sweet caresses
Glistening, drenched
Pulse points pounding
Pheromones

Inhale deeply
Influx of images
Some imaginary
Most are memories
Muffled deep within
Beneath the subcutis

Dewy skin
Silver shift
Moonlit dancing
Forceful invitations
Disrobed temples
Soft moans

Fleeting are my white lace dreams
Aisle of blood red roses guiding
Two lives into one grand eternity
Glimmering like a polished diamond
Clasped hand in hand not clammy
But passionate and exuberant

Candles floating in frosted vases
Two figures sitting atop a cake
Vows to keep each other afloat
Vows to keep each other great

Notebook plans for a grand evening
Surrounded by love and twinkle lights
Aspirations of his and his first dance
But since you nothing's ever felt right
My white lace dreams are fading
They get blurrier every night

Sedimentary in deep black pools
With blueish bright boundaries
Blinking far less than needing to
Sinking with cement ankle thoughts
Bubbles of air lazily finding the surface
To burst and very quickly blend in

With permission I'd dive inside
To sink to your depth and sit beside
Far down where in darkness you reside
A locked up cage that you're confined

Let those sad eyes fill and spill
I'll find the bottom and retrieve
Disturb the surface with your vessel
Create some ripples and leave
Because all you have is fear
And I can see in the dark

You replaced the sun many years ago
An ideal apparition of you floating
My central perfection to dance around
A love that one could only dream about
Now I can only see you when I dream

The claws of fate play the harp beautifully
Leaving me often in shambles and unruly
To fantasies over adoration so wasted
The candles in my shrine now dust
The mechanics inside of me all rust

You brush the hair from her eyes
And lines grow and I go grey
This wound doesn't seem to heal
No matter how many times I've spun
Around you with your arms crossed

Desire,
Twisting vines
Intertwined
In my mind

Bound,
Wrists writhing
Eyes sultry
Sweet smirking

Licked,
Navel to nose
Curled toes
Breath grows

Fantasies,
B-roll spinning
****** ensuing
A new beginning

Constellation Kaleidoscope
Blue and grey plaid flannel
Marlboro reds infiltrating
Front left pocket
Millions of miles
Eyes travel to your smile

Red embers sizzle
Smoke slowly escapes
Michaelangelo sculpted lips
My walking cathedral
Requested sanctuary
My prayers elevated

Constellation Kaleidoscope
Cells growing and dying
Shooting star wishes
To be held betwixt
Your middle and index
To be completely inside you

Comfortable rectangle
Entanglements
Stranger sleeping
Feeling, breathing
Mostly dreaming

Self exploration
Starlit sobbing
Skin cells
Sweat beads
Strands of hair

Morning whispers
Morning breath
Laughing, touching
Alarm clocks
Departures

Not man enough for me, Adam
Your garden brings me grief
He opened up his darksome gates
And granted me sweet relief

Poison apple sits heavy
From lush tree to teeth
To caught in your throat
But alas Eve was the thief

My children are set free
Roaming in the shadows
I am not a grieving woman
But I am a widow

Don't ever let me go
We sing surrounded by roses
Candle light waltzes
But who's at fault

It fizzles away, baby
Nothing gold can stay
Winter melts to May
And candles waltz

Pricked by the roses
Picked by the boy
And then it melts away
And it just goes away

Poseidon crush those pearls to powder
I get high on tidal tears that cascade
Crashing down from blushed cheek to chin
Dive right into those pools and wade

I'll willingly catch your undertow
So long as those tears ebb and flow
There's something so sweetly enchanting
Seeing a man with warm tears welling

Poseidon sink his ships and treasures
Then conjure only gloomy weather
So I might be able to fully savor
My salty seamans tearful endeavors

Several deep breaths
Exhale slow and smooth
To find the center
To find you

Saddest eyes I've ever seen
I made them twinkle and
I made them gleam
To find you

Several deep breaths
Exhale softly sigh
You were the spider
I was the fly

Venture to our secret place
Even in storms severe
No one can keep me away
Under your galaxy shrine
Simmer in my longing

Incredible how long I've held onto
Something so awfully pointless

Certainly I will be released
Rid myself of this obsession
Your image to one day fade
Ice melting to evaporate
Noticing a weight lifting
Glimpses of finding freedom

Flossing more often because of you
Kool-aid blue cold condensation
Wiping my brow drifting dreaming
Biting my bottom lip until bruised

Fantasies of you being used
Objectified with warm honey eyes
My popsicle melted on your lips
Elbows dug into my mattress

Give me some sugar, ******
My pixie stick sweetheart
Indulging my sweet tooth
Flossing more often because of you

Red dot adjacent the center star
Accelerating towards my hands
Outreached as if expecting rainfall
To be decorated in charred debris
As consciousness ascends somewhere

Cradled in slumbers warm embrace
Blowing kisses unto my face
Visions of a dim lit peaceful place
Where I did once forget my grace
But took it back with a hasty pace

In time to witness obliteration
As that dot did decimate
Crashing into the blue and green
Orbiting rock around the center star
Now finding himself much more lonesome

Strip of fabric folded
Darkening the day
So that you not see
Desire radiating

*** cherry red
Soft hands clapping
Flushing the cheeks
And then you smile

I want to be your teeth
So that your tongue
Is constantly touching
Feeling and licking

Black cat arched back
Fingers arachnid running
Descending and deliberate
I want to be your teeth

Swift punt to the soda pop tin
Littering the low lit path before me
Flash back to kick the can
And hopscotch jumping rope
To wittled cans from which to smoke
And losing family to knotted rope

Years pile on tense shoulders
Bearing zirconium smiling teeth
Finding diamonds in my grief
But always pacing forward

To flash back on bronze days
Glowing like bonfire embers
Finishing the last of the thirty rack
Never realizing I was drowning
Just sad and aloof and smiling
Smoking bad **** from a PBR can