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Heidi Franke Oct 2021
Soft, slow and Brave
She Raged.
Walking forward with fear in one hand, love
In the other.
She let love
Lead the way
Soft, slow and Brave.
Part of the idea: the fear and love in a different hand are taken from meditation from Sarah Blondin. The rest is what I am dealing with. The sludge of depression, fear, and panic. Like tar pits.
Heidi Franke Oct 2021
Silent stars reside
In the blue milieu
Continuing their stellar constancy by day.
They are there like my love,
silent, unpretentious, patient and kind.

Trace your finger along the sky, connecting the dots of your name to a safe, congenial and forgiving place to call home. Maybe your name will meet with mine in the night when the stars return, walking across the expanse of loving kindness that is within your reach.

See you tonight dearest one. Just look up.
Heidi Franke Aug 2021
The human appetite
To **** the pain
to not experience any
dis-
comfort

The human appetite
to run a-way
far, away
are
seeds planted from our
footsteps

The more we run
the bigger the
plant
the hungrier
we get
the greater the ruin
in our run

Don't avoid
the burdens of
engaging lost plans,
or others.
Other Wise, the human
starves its self
in a marathon
by sealing off mouths.

Alimentary,
Leaving one, you, her, they,
them,  in the
hunger cycle
to feed
then crushed
left void

Elementary words
     don't avoid
pain.
It requires a handshake
a' la carte,
Indulge.
   remedy is in
the crash diet.
Come home now.
It's time for dinner.
Heidi Franke May 2020
Feeling like a stylus on a premium LP
Can't lift up too slow or slide it
Fragile bone dust
Be slow, be quick, be ready
Scratching is not an option

Feeling this way again
Second-hand turntable
Treated as a diamond or replaceable
How is it, my friend

The stylus feels old
Not sure if the sound is reaching you
Enough to bring you
Out alive, on my knees
Scratching is not an option
He is admitted again. Suicidal last night. Waiting to hear back. This time, no visitation because of C19. Feeling so much on edge like the moment I would try to pick up the stylus arm from the turntable of my favorite vinyl LP
Heidi Franke Apr 2020
I wanted to divorce you
This minute, today
You bring me no joy
Covid or not
In the same instant
I thought of my grandson
Only 8, the same age I told my son
Of that. It set his mind in flames
Almost jumped from the roof
So, boom, I grounded myself
For innocence
Come on, just infect all expectations
Get it over with
Be the only one.
Loss of job hours, due to Covid, more hours shrinking, brainless husband wit minimal emotional intelligence. Waiting for unemployment, shrieking inside because my 86 y.o. mother keeps going to the ******* store. Just waiting for the sun to circle back again wondering who will be the first to go.
Heidi Franke Apr 2020
I almost took a hammer to my husband's car today
I was gardening and stopped by his wrapped-cloth car
So carefully cared for
more than I.
I thought, what if I took a hammer to his car
Would I just pound a few
Or hit it so many times it looked like a speckled egg the next time he drove
It was just a thought.
Heidi Franke Feb 2020
The liver
Is a mother
It takes in the bad stuff
of the body
    (the **** that no other *****
No other person wants)
Clean things up
Sometimes, the liver fails
But, it can grow new tissue too
Mother's are resilient
So, ya see,
"it is always something"
Written during my son's mental health crisis. Reminding myself there is always a way to turn something around into a positive. Usually.
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