I want to scream
Until this emotional ache goes away
I want to yell your name
And have you tell me everything is okay
But I know that won't happen
Because she's with you

how am i supposed to sleep
when i fear if you do not love me

I'm scared of this world, honestly.
I'm scared of death and ways one can pass, I'm scared of love because if something happens, that heartache will leave yet another scar on my heart.
I'm scared of illnesses, mostly physical ones. I'm scared of my own mind, as sometimes it can get really mean and it scares me.
I'm scared of people, how people can be so cruel and so ill they would commit crimes for satisfaction, or to soothe the anger in their hearts that may have been fueled by an unbearable sadness.
This world is scary, but there are also pros of being here.
Love, family, good food, friends, going out, the smell in the air when a storm is going to arrive, the smell of spring or summer, the scent of autumn or snow.
There are some things in this world that give others peace.
A strange peace, but it puts whatever emotional or physical pain they're feeling to rest for a bit.
A temporary tranquility.
This world is scary, but everything has pros and cons.
We're human.

I don't really expect much anymore
One day my depression will be too strong
It'll be hard for me to move on
I'll have a gun just laying there
My feet will be bare, I won't care
It'll be quick and painless
This depression will end
Because I'm tired of bending
I'm tired of trying to feel good about myself
So whether it be with a noose,
My body floating lifelessly with a rope tight around my neck
Color drained from my face and body
Whether it be from a jump from a building
The pressure of the air making my lungs feel like they're collapsing
The pressure making me light-headed
As I watch the sky and eventually drop,
One day, our hearts will stop.
One day, my mind will leave me be and let me think happy
Though I doubt that will happen,
As I will never be good enough
So dear future me,
I'm sorry if you got hurt again.
Here's the current plans,
As for now,
I'm trying to make myself feel alive again.

I'm so ******* sorry
I'm like this
I don't mean to hurt you
But I'm scared of you hurting yourself
I know what the research says
But I'm still scared
I value our friendship
I don't know why
But I can't lose you
Why are you so important to me
I'm trying to sort out all the reasons
But I just can't seem to find a reasonable answer
My mind is eating me alive
Without those meds of mine
I'm dying inside
I shouldn't rely on it but it's the only thing keeping me sane
Without them, my mind and my brain start to hate me
Make me think cruel thoughts and snap at others who I love
I'm sorry I'm like this
But please,
Just don't ******* go.
I can't lose another.

I think the saddest part
Is that no matter who it is
She will always see parts of him in them
And fear falling

I hate seeing others happy
Perhaps it's because I feel like I cannot have that
Perhaps it's because I've had it once before
But I was left in the fog
Trying to find my way alone
I hate seeing others in love
Maybe it's because I've experienced it once before
But my heart was broken
and it's slowly recovering

Pretty Dolly,
Pretty Dolly,
That's what they called her.
She'd run around in her white gown,
thinking no one could touch her.
Pretty Dolly,
Pretty Dolly,
That's what she'd heard.
As all the people around town tried to control her
Didn't even exist, but people could see her
Her non-existent heart wrenched as she watched people around her.
Pretty Dolly,
Pretty Dolly,
That's what she'd seen.
Figured she'd put them all out of their misery,
Red splattering her gown,
As they bowed down like she were their queen.
She was the talk of town,
As she ran around
Now that she knew she could only be seen
By those who weren't sane in the brain
How cruel of this world to be so mean
Pretty Dolly,
Pretty Dolly,
That's what they called her.
Her white gown turning brown from the dirt of the world around her
Pretty Dolly,
Pretty Dolly,
Just a ghost of what those who wanted help wanted.
A cruel reality-check,
They were all haunted.
Pretty Dolly,
Pretty Dolly,
That's what she'd been seen as
Her ghostly form
She showed no remorse
As she left them in the dirt
Pretty Dolly,
Pretty Dolly.

give me a reason to keep holding onto it
give me a reason not to lose hope
give me a reason to keep my patience
give me a reason to keep trying to stop these cruel thoughts
cause I'm starting to find it difficult to find any more.

I simply cannot express myself any other way,
I can only do so with a puddle of ink on my paper day by day.
The words don't flow as easily with a pen and paper sitting in front of me
It'll take too long for me to write.
I simply cannot tell you how I feel naturally
My anxiety stops me, my fears stop me, and I hesitate or choke on my own words.
So if you could just please understand that I express myself with writing or songs,
Then maybe you and I would get along.
Just a little more.
I know you care and I know you wanna help,
but how can you help me when you're too busy ignoring me?!
I live in fear of loving and trusting others,
Always doubting those who confess to me because anyone who ever has done that,
has left.
Perhaps I just wasn't good enough or maybe it was just me in general, perhaps it could've been them as well but either way I'm tired.
So please just ******* love me, please ******* understand that you're not the only ******* one who needs help.
I do too.
Please.
Hold me, please.