I scribbled some words on the edge of a napkin
Hoping at home they would make sense to read
But all I could see was disjointed confusion
And perhaps that was all that I ever could need

A moment suspended
Crystallized like morning dew
Trapped prisms of moonbeams in spherical orbit
Ever swirling in hopeful anticipation
New dreams precipitated
Old dreams awakened
All suspended in a perfect spherical moment
Hovering above trembling hands and shining eyes
In simplified complexity

When I needed words, he gave me silence
When I needed quiet, he gave me noise
Yet I have come to rely on his steadfast presence
His chaos - the only grounding force in my life

I am empty
I said
In not so many words
The veiled confessions dripping off his ears like candle wax
As the wick burns down
Filling the room with a palpable smokiness
That only I can sense

I am choking
I am crawling
I can feel my light fading

For I am a teacup
Sitting on a shelf
Dusty but decorated
My handle pointed towards the wall
Breakable
And uninspired

How I long to be filled with more than emptiness
To have him pour all of his being into my heart and mind
To have him look into my eyes and see more than himself
But each confession only serves to deepen the loneliness
As a search for a soul to listen through the words

Is there meaning in the madness?
The careless moments strung together like broken Christmas lights inside a cave
The moments that ***** your fingers and draw unwelcome blood
The madness that you rage against inside your chest

Most days, yes
I say as a soliloquy, sipping my tea and watching the passing storm clouds
My eyes are wet but my heart has dried
Opened up and beating forth.
But today, I don’t think so
I can’t bring myself to say yes
For I am emblazoned in a firestorm
All consuming
There is only hurt –
And doubt –
And loss –
And isolation –
My eyes are no longer stinging
They are burning
Almost bleeding
Today I can’t blink away the shadows

This madness is finding me
Entwining me
And, at times, defining me
As I remain motionless trapped in the endless webs
Searching through crowds of strangers to find myself
And turning up empty every time.

I am an island
A safe haven
A warm body
For traveling sailors to rest their weary heads
Blink away tears
Tears that
     fall
        splash
           disappear into the saltwater sea
The droplets dissolving into the tapestry of waves
Becoming one
A scream
A relief
A prayer
Always part of the beautiful secret that I keep tucked within my shores

Wanderer, I am your island
My love for you is true and unconditional
My vegetation is lush
My beauty is boundless
For you
Take what you need
And in this moments I am yours completely
I offer myself to you
I will sing you to sleep with the sound of my wind
Watch over you
Shine the stars upon your face
Cradle your cold hands
And you will feel home

But I am an island
And sometimes I have storms
My branches break
My waves crash
My flowers start to wither

And, in these storms, I am just an island
Just land and water
Just shore and sand
I am just an island
The magic is no more
Permanently impermanent I become

…And nobody stays…

Having all they need, these sailors rush to board their ships
With warm hands, they pluck my flowers
Making hurried bouquets to take home to their loves
Their fingers sting
Why do they sting?
And stems sway in the storm

They never listened to my whispers
They will not listen to my cries
They only needed some distraction
That they found within my eyes

With the winds
The footprints fade
No evidence that they were ever here

I have everything to give.

I have nothing left to give.

I am an island.
An island
An island
An island
     I am.