It's been the longest time,
Since I've felt this alive.
So many years gone by
Since I've seen all these guys.

But on this day,  I rise,
When I was granted life,
To find my eyes surprised
By all their smiles and cries!

"Hey, happy birthday man! "
"It's been a long-*** time! "
"We planned ahead, and decided
To grab some whiskey and wine! "

And that was all it took,
To get it through my head,
That when this night was over
We'd likely do it again.

See, I'm a man with good friends,
I have a thirst I must quench,
And when Bacchus calls for me,
I always let the games begin!

And once these parties start,
They rarely, if ever, end.
And when the bottles do run dry,
Someone carries some more in.

"And every glass I take,  I do it not for me;"

"It's for His Majesty!"
"It's for His Majesty!"

Now it's the third warm night
And all the wine is gone,
The whiskey comes along,
And they break out in song:

"Another cup for mine!"
"Another night survived!"

"It's for His Majesty!"
"It's for His Majesty!

Summer is here...

But I can't feel it.

The sun is shining...

But it's not real.

There's something broken,

Inside my heart.

It began with the words

"Be together apart. "

Locked in my room,

I can't take this pain!

But I will endure. For my strength remains.

I will tell you now...

About the rain.

How it washes away,

Such abominable stains,

And comforts dearly,

The most stained of my name,

For I want for nothing,

But to see it again.

For even now,  our leaders,  they lie.

And could give less than we know,

If it's us who dies.

In these desperate times,

It's enough to be alive,

But every day now,  we're left

To ask why...

Oh, let the rain wash over us.

Oh, let the light of heaven shine.

And let the pain begone...

It was never mine.

Oh,  only now can I feel the rain...

As I walk in the sunset,
Through silent, empty streets.
They peer through their
Windows.

People are afraid of me.

The virus has arrived
This newest of disease,
And with it comes the worst
Of humanity.

"Stay away from him.
He's Asian. They have
That coronavirus."

First off, I'm American.
I have to live here, too.
And yes, I'm scared,  I am.

I swear,  I'm just like you.

But don't look at me different.
Don't walk across the street.
Don't lift up your collar or
Tighten your mask
When I smile and wave to greet.

I am human. Not a monster.
I am not your disease.
Don't blame me for the mistakes
Of man.
I'm just trying to be me.

I just want to believe...

Ah, yeah, there it is...
It's been years; too long.
The memory has faded,
But the desire remains.

It's that feeling I've missed;
Such sweet, silent songs,
Such emotions debated,
No more clouds in my brain.

Just a painless, empty bliss.
I can smile, and fantasize,
And feel the warm sun's kiss
As I breathe and close my eyes.

Such a blanket never sewn,
Can bring me this warmth.
Confidence I've never known,
And some feeling of worth.

Finally,  I belong!
I'm here! Can you see me?
Nothing's wrong; not now,
I can just stand here, and BE.

Tonight, when they watch me,
Their eyes open in wonder,
I shall stand and deliver,
And quiver no more.

I am here.  I exist.
And I am not afraid.

In this day and age,
The mysterious ways
Of men and their money
Fill all of our days.

A hashtag,  an update,
A notification.
Just to remind me
Of my situation.

Three years on the streets
Meant nothing to me,
But it showed me a world
Few ever should see.

Now Texas takes notice,
Financial aid!
The catch is,  of course,
My ****** GPA.

They do this on purpose.
I'm ignorant? My ***!
"You've got seven hundred dollars
To spend before class."

"You can buy anything here,
No gift cards, of course. "
I said "this isn't a buffet;  
That's a smorgasbord! "

Give me three new shirts,
All the books for my classes,
A new backpack,  a hoodie,
Alumni- framed glasses.

Then,  send me an email,
At nine in the morning
That I'll be dropped
by four p.m. without warning!

So much for sleep.
It's time for *******.
Because these ****** people
Are pulling THIS **** again.

Loan counseling? What's that?
"In forty- eight hours
The approval will come back. "

Are you being serious?
I'm better off smoking crack!
Just give me my education,
And stay the hell off my back!

There it is...
I can feel it!
Something great
Is happening...

Better than any
Pill or shot.
It's so real; it...
Feels so hot!

What's this feeling?
Such emotion!
Senses reeling,
Such devotion!

No more guilt
Or remorse,
Or regret!

Finally,  my
Insanity
Is something
I GET.

Sociopathy.
I have no regrets.
But I still feel
Depression.

There's nothing left.
Just this
Aggression.

If I go to sleep
I wake up
And I weep.

But you disrespect,
And you'll wake
In the street.

Somehow, I get myself in these situations,
Where all of my efforts can end in stagnation,

But sometimes I manage to find inspiration,
In my concentration and intoxication,

I've had so much beer i should be in my bed,
But there's too much to think of,

It's all in my head.

There's ideas and there's music,  there's joy and there's death,
And there's realization that there's nothing left.

See tonight I got word that it's working for me,

My whole life is decided,  I know what I'll be.
I'll write and I'll speak,  I'll get high and I'll teach,

And I'll be grateful for every mind that I reach.

But I'll always remember the path I once took,
Before novels and poems and college and books,

I'll remember the streets in December,  '09,
When I hustled for China and needles and wine,
When I first learned this world had two sides to its face,

There's the side that you see, then there's one other place.

And it's dark and it's *****,  but sometimes,  it's kind.
It can give you that shelter you've been trying to find.

But now after living in both of these worlds,
It honestly hurts me to have to decide.

Because one path will lead to respect in their eyes,
And the other will grant me that sweet peace of mind...