Ash C

Ash C Mar 2020

As I sit here and look at you
I can't say whether I'm close to you or not
We grew up together
So how could you feel so close but not?
You're right there
In front of me
With me
Here with me
My deepest thoughts are yours as much as yours mine!
Yet
Behind closed doors
To the people who talk to me in my vulnerability
I say what I couldn't to you

This is quite personal. Based off what I feel with this person. We know each other inside and out, but I feel like somethings in the way.

#personal #deep #person #love #unknowing #sorry

Ash C Feb 2020

I'd Wish it Was

I'd wish it was

The ripping inside
Hammers bang the skull
Eyes cry acid

Anger is shaking me
It's screaming through the jitters
Eyes are the source of a waterfall
Tearing apart with sight

Feet are going raw
Sound is scratching
Touch is burning

Slipping through it all

A deep sorrow opens the gate
Leaving the land dead
Gasping
Dust is flying

Gone

I'd wish it gone

#random #spittingwords #feeling #deep #painful #nomore #depression

Ash C Feb 2020

how to write

i was told how to pick up a pen and write
i was to scribble in certain ways to make a symbol
they said it would ground me
it would connect me
what am i supposed to connect to in the first place
they showed me how deep
how deep it could be once i picked up the pen
i could write whatever
no pain
just give it to the paper
a paper doesnt feel
it cant cry
scream
laugh
comprehend
die
it just cant
it cant
so why would i not give it my pains
i could be free

but a pencil cant be free without its paper
thats as far as i will get

I spewed this nonsense out in just a few minutes, while I feel like I've been staying up late for hours, yet it's only 10 p.m

#howto #writing #poetry #paper #pencil #random

Ash C Feb 2020

Dark Abyss

The darkest of nights
The perfect time for the lights
But he couldn't see his light
Amongst the rest
All he could see was a heavy
Thick
Burdening
abyss.

#dark #depression #gloom #light #heavy #burden

Ash C Feb 2020

Something Once

I have so many stories, yet none.

But there once was a flower in the corner.

It told me something of importance, something it clung too, yet didn't.

It danced under the moon.

I asked "of all places, must I ask, why the moon? Isn't it just deep?"

"It is nothing deep, yet even more so then ever," it said, "I'd much rather prefer a mess of comfort, than a cleaned smile."

That flower treated the moon not as a gatekeeper meant to take you to the next day, but as an old friend that will always be.

I love writing about the moon

#moon #flower #deep #dance #dancing #story #stories

Ash C Feb 2020

Nobody

Me?
Oh, I'm nothing
I wouldn't even say as nothing as a rock, as a spec of dust, as a worm, as an atom
Because that's still something

But you
You, you, you, you, you
You asked me to tell you something about myself
You who is more than something in my eyes

You are something amazing, gorgeous, bright, exhilarating, lovely, astonishing

You gave me something by asking
Something by looking
By touching
By hearing
By-
By God, by something!
Something!

I'm nothing, but you asked, so I must be something

Kid you not. This was inspired by a Tik Tok.

#nothing #usueless #something #beautiful #amazing #astonishing #gorgeous #asking #rock #dirt

Ash C Feb 2020

the corner in my living room

There's this corner in the living room I hate
It's gonna hurt me
I will get sick from it
It's got bugs
It's darker as it gets lower into the tip of the corner
I feel like it has eyes sometimes
I don't wanna look at it
It looks at me when I sleep
I don't wanna move my pillow to that side ever
It could be a giant black oozing monster
I'm afraid I smell it
I don't wanna touch it
It's gonna hurt me
Yet I still sleep with my bed in that corner

There really is this corner i hate in my living room

#corner #livingroom #eyes #hurt #oozing #creepy #bugs #hate #scared #yuck