your eyes
            are
          so explosively
   captivating
                    i feel like i
   float in space
                 every time
      your blue
                    and
                          my green
               collide,
    creating a new earth.

"IM A *****"
I catch myself saying more often than not.
But oh no,
no no no I am not actually one.
My dear friend,
this facade, if you will, is protecting me from getting hurt by people and expectations, from allowing people to see who I actually am.

Everyone told me to forgive and forget

But how can I forgive you for the way you altered my existence

I don't think or talk or act the way I used to because of you

So before you expect me to forgive you

Maybe you should say you're sorry

it seems as though i am dying right before my very eyes.
This unkempt body doesn’t know when to stop rotting,
and this ungodly frame is no longer gilt in sunlight,
nor gray underneath an empty moon,
it looks like a skeleton,
decayed and laid to rest beneath a hill of grieving people,
lost to the spell i cast from these highways of depleted veins,
from these rivers of tendons that don’t ripple anymore.
I cant breathe anymore,
my body has forgotten the air and how it swims,
because now it is just sinking and sinking and i refuse to open my mouth,
refuse to drown my lungs in fear the water will weigh me down and leave me there,
at the bottom of a forgotten seabed,
just drifting - a floating fragment.
But i suppose i am already gone,
too consumed by nothing more than my guilt of refusing to live.

You were my star amongst the stars, my own solar system inside my eyes.
Hand you the knife and I'll let you cut out my insides,
create the universe from my cells so I can be so absorbed in you
I am no longer myself.
Let me be what you want.
I know that I am faded
but if you let me
I will chain myself to the insides of your ribcage
protect your heart, because we both know all it controls is the rate
at which your blood flows,
and all it has ever known
is to push everything it has ever met away,
so it is a constant but with nothing of its own
I guess that's the biggest break.
Show me importance the same way I used to see it
I wanna know every single one of your secrets,
watch your eyes flicker on the train
as you lose yourself to back gardens and brick built barriers,
letting yourself inside the subtleties of a strangers life.
Leave your bad days on my pillow love
and I will never make the effort to wake up.
I will swallow your pictures whole
with no attempt to understand your charity shop bags
full of yesterday's thrown out dreams.
Punch me with your closed fist
and I will pretend it is your beating heart
they are the same shape, someone told me once,
I can think of nothing better than the embrace of your vitals and veins,
staple them to my chest so I can store the pain inside myself for future reference.
I can still remember the way your voice tasted those nights,
I counted each one of your heartbeats against my chest every evening we slept
to check you were still breathing,
that's how bad I wanted you to stay,
my hands lying inside your make believe
that you were feeding me,
I never knew what it was what I wanted from you,
and I never understood the languages you spoke in,
But I used to wish on those nights
that I was deep and dark and mysterious like the oceans
we both know you'd love to swim in
and I'd never have the courage to join you in.
Maybe if the things you had told me hadn't have been
as vast as that same ocean,
I wouldn't be trying to pick between pieces of broken glass,
trying to slice out the things which beat around inside my pulse
whenever I think about you.