feels like putting my hand
on something sharp kinda day
invincible temporary, of course
fight the system on a february dawn

where the lamp's lambent spheres
bob in and out of existence
as the sunshine overcomes their presence

first kiss with you, like hands
dancing in the fires
trying to stay warm in the winter light
an ogre of a dream, a curse to be this shadow

compared to the glow of an angel like you

I am a firm believer that beauty on the inside, is more important than beauty on the outside.
I don't just want to see your bare body, I want to see you bare your soul.
I don't just want to have ***, I want to make love.
I want you to feel comfortable and to talk to me about anything and everything.
I want us to feel safe in each others arms and forget about our worries.

I hope to make you feel confident about your own insecurities.
To show you how special I think you truly are.
I want our hearts to race when we see each other and our eyes to sparkle.
I want you to look into my eyes, so you can see how much I love you.
Am I asking too much, or is that exactly what love should feel like?

When we go through rough waters, I want us to be each others anchor.
Knowing that our love and support for each other, can get us through anything.
You may be beautiful on the outside, but it's the compassion in your heart and the beauty in your soul, that makes me want to spend my life with you.

It took me sinking to rock bottom, to truly appreciate some of the simple beauty in life that we may sometimes take for granted.
Like a friend who supports you, appreciates you and is there for you in the tough times.
They are the people that make life that little bit easier and that bit more enjoyable. Keep them close and always return the favour.

I've experienced OCD, anxiety and depression.
I've been in the depths of despair.
There have been times where I'm always afraid something terrible will happen.
There have been many nights where I've doubted I will wake up in the morning.
Days where I constantly do routine after routine, making me feel mentally exhausted.
Wondering if my life will always be like this, if I'll always be worrying for the rest of my life.
The best way to describe it, is I was in constant fear.
If you want to enjoy your life, face your fears and stand up to them.

Sometimes I wonder if my body can cope.
Analysing everything so thoroughly, as if using a microscope.
Scared if my mind could endure this unbelievable strain.
I felt like I was under so much pressure. I started to question if I was sane?
Scared of how much my mind and body was having to take.
I thought it was only a matter of time, before I would surely break.
Where I was at, I needed help with this.
If I kept heading the way I was going, I would have fallen into the abyss.
I talked to people who had a good understanding.
Who recognised how mental health can be very demanding.
They told me that it can get easier, but it would be a fight.
That with support and help, my future could still be bright.
I needed to know I could get better and that things wouldn't always be black.
That I could regain control and get my life back.

Thirteen years ago, something changed.
It altered my personality and made everything a stressful decision.
I let fear take control and I became a shell of my former self.
I must admit; It nearly broke me.
The important word there is, nearly.
It didn't break me and I won't let it.
I control my life.
I will not be controlled by fear and negativity.
I have one shot at life, I will not take it for granted and I will push myself.
Whether it's by writing or raising mental health awareness, I will try and show that mental health isn't a life sentence.
There is help out there.
It does get easier.

(read forward, then backward, line by line)

I ran.
Not knowing what else to do
There was so much blood on my hands
It was mine
The kitchen knife
Caught in my chest
Guilt
Consumed by
Fear
I was heightened by
Adrenaline
But running on
Wasn’t enough
While trying to stay calm,
Losing control
It was me that would end up
Dead. Because
He was
In front of me
The whole time
It was too late
Trapped
I found myself
Locked in chains
My fate was
Death.