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Emma Jul 2018
Healing is a process.
It takes a lot to get
Over what you have
Been through and
What you have seen.

It takes a lot to wake
Up in the morning
And go to sleep in the evening.

It takes a lot to face
What you have been
Through,
To see your attacker
Grow and prosper
Whilst you still cry
In your sleep.

It takes a lot to deal
With the wolves
Whilst they howl
Outside your room,
Screaming obscenities
And proclaiming that you lie,
For they know the truth
But are too scared to
Believe it.

It takes a lot to deal
With the hours of sitting
In a dark room
With people drinking
Steaming cups of tea
While you spill out
Your mind and all the while
You’re wondering if they’re really listening.

It takes a lot to go
Through what you go through,
But boy,
You’re doing it.
For a friend,
I love you
Emma Jul 2018
What do you say,
When you want to say
“I miss you”,
But those words
Don’t describe how
You’re feeling?

It’s too small
To describe how I’m feeling.
When I say
“I miss you”,
When all I can think about
Is everything we once
Shared together.

All the cartoon noises
We would fire at each other.
All those nights that we’d
Stay up late watching all
The horrors movies
You like to make me squirm at.

Saying that
“I miss you”
Just doesn’t explain what I feel about you.
It doesn’t explain clearly enough
How much I truly
Miss you,
With all of my being.
Emma Jun 2018
Not everyone can recover
In ways which are deemed
Acceptable.
I should know.
I have tried.
But the alcohol will always
Defeat me.

It’s gentle embrace will always
Wash away the bruises
Permanently etched into my
Skin.

It’s caressing touch will always
Help me to forget
How he said my name,
How he touched me,
How he turned my life upside down.

I know the bottle is not the answer,
I have tried to leave it behind. But
No matter how hard I try,
The bottom of the bottle will always be my solace,
My safe place,
The only constant I have left.
It is the only way I know how to go on.
Emma Jun 2018
Love
Has always been a veiled villain for me:
A trickster,
A demon,
A thief in the night.

I believed that love was pure.
I believed that love was safe
And warm,
Even after I met you.

When I met you,
I thought what I felt was love.
I thought love meant accepting
How you made me bleed.

I thought love meant doing
Everything to keep you afloat
While you drowned me
In your sea.

Until the day you left,
And for a long time after,
I did not know what
Real love was.

I didn’t know it meant
Arguments about all
The stupid ****
Friends fight about with no violence.

I didn’t know it meant
Finding solace
in pizza boxes and
Awful films that makes us laugh.  

I used to be heartbroken by you leaving.
But I know now,
That if you had stayed,
You would have broken

My heart until it bled for you.
You would have taken everything from me
Until I was gone
In that final packet of pills.
Emma Jun 2018
A mother is a god.

She carries the world in
The pit of her stomach
And holds the wonders of the universe
In her growing child.

How can a god,
Who holds these secrets inside of her swollen belly,
Create such chaos that is you?

You are the hurricane that threatens to erupt
And destroy everything in its wake.

How can such a loving god
Create such destruction?
Emma Jun 2018
On the cold pavement,
A boy was once taught that
Everything could be his
At the expense of what was mine.
He was taught from then on
That no one would stand in his way.
That he could hold us
Down on the cold pavement,
Down on the rickety bed,
Down on the wet bathroom tiles,
And no one would ever stop him
From claiming what was never his.

Held down on the cold pavement,
I first learnt the meaning of
Boys will be boys,
And that my body is a sexualised attraction,
To be groped at,
To be bruised,
By the will of those who think they’re gods
At every opportunity.

Being held down on the cold pavement
Is where I first learnt
how to be treated by my beloved,
How to hold back the screams as the vultures clawed at my throat,
How to act during the ****,
How to smile sweetly
and nod when the vultures said it was nice to see me.

It is not a lesson that I have forgotten.
It is not a lesson I will forget.
It is a lesson I hope I’ll never be taught again.

— The End —