Cuts on my wrists
hands curled into fists
will i even be missed

Writing a note
i wrote
i love you and it wasn't your fault

That's a lie
i want to die and
its partly your fault

I can't tell you that so i
Sit and i cry

Why do i
Live like this

Will i even be missed

it's true--
i don't love you anymore.

but sometimes i catch your eye between waves in the surf,
that same ocean blue i've always known

like summers by the beach, you are long forgotten like my childhood,
days and nights spent drinking the stars

i will never forget what they taste like
i will never forget what you taste like.

it's true--
i don't love you anymore.

i am with another,
he is more than you ever could have been for me but

why do i still crave your inadequacy?
he is my whole galaxy, his beauty is unmatched and

oh how he makes me feel but
why am i still dreaming about you?

i don't love you anymore-- i promise,
we moved on so long ago i forget what goodbye sounds like

i'm lying.
i could never forget the way you said that,

like it took the strength of a million tsunamis to just
keep it together but oh i don't love you anymore!

it's what i've been trying to say i'm sorry but sometimes
the emotion in my own words gets so caught in my throat

i forget how to breathe because
i still see your eyes between the waves.
-a.c.b

Right when you
Think you have everything
Right when you
Think you're happy
It all ends
Someone ruins it
You ruin it
Life ruins it
Because it always ends
Today that Bliss
Ended
That one day of Bliss
Then its gone
A simple text
A simple statement of
"I don't think we can ever be friends again"
As the sadness washes over you
You realize that text
Can **** a soul
Can **** a mind
Can **** a heart
And can **** a friendship
A friendship of four years
That you will always remember
With a person you trusted
And to realize
You will never celebrate a birthday
With them
Never have that hours of laughs
With them
Never walk the hallways talking
With them
Again
You hope the best
For them
You want them to thrive
You want them to have a great future
but sadly
You will no longer
Be a part of that

It arrives,
Unnoticed, unannounced.

Quiet,
At first.

Slow,
Seeping, dripping.

I put it down to a few stressful weeks.
I carry on.

It unpacks,
Worries, anxieties.

Gently,
For now,

Tiptoes,
Whispers, creaks.

‘It will leave soon’ I think ‘It always does.’
I keep going.

It settles in,
Getting comfortable.

Getting louder,
And louder.

Banging thoughts,
Insomnia.

‘Please don’t be happening again’.
I shuffle along my daily routine.

Claws in,
Insidious.

Screaming,
24/7.

Shame, worthlessness,
Hurt.

‘Please go away’.
I’m barely coping.

Growing roots,
Into my brain and heart.

Blossoming pain,
With every beat.

Emptiness, loneliness,
Abandonment.

Silence, Stillness,
‘I can’t move, I can’t cope.’

i felt tears run down my cheeks as i thought about everything once again.
how the events in my life lead me to this point in time.
how i am the person i am because of my past and the people in life.
i don't know what this feeling is but i'm feeling.
the lump in my throat grows and climbs upwards to the point where i just stare at my ceiling,
mouth opened,
tears running down my face,
i'm paralyzed in this moment.

i deserve to be happy.
it's taken a lot to finally say that.
i wish time would stop.
i wish i could breathe without worry.
there will be a day where i'll wake up to wind chimes and waves softly crashing,
and this is enough for me.
these tears,
these tears are tears of acceptance and this is enough.

"where are you right now?",
she asked me looking straight into my eyes.
i felt like i could cry in this moment.
i didn't know where  i was.
although you were right in front of me,
you sounded far away.
"bring yourself back."
i felt myself slipped more and more away,
my existence and sense of reality melting from my fingertips while my mind stayed,
stayed here.

I'm sorry
I've done it again.

They forced me to,
The voices in my head

Telling me I'm not enough
Worthless and a burden

No one's going to love me
And there isn't any point in trying.

They told me to
Go back to my blade

And seek comfort in the pain.
And that's what I did.

As I held my blade in my hand,
I felt the beautiful feeling of home.

Old memories fogged my mind,
The beauty of carving my skin and the pain that followed

It's an addiction
And also a hard one to get over.