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Dev Jun 2018
"I perform well under stress.." she stresses
her lips pursed in a thin line, she digresses
from the main topic, the point of view
that anyone could see, given half the chance, "You.."
"You're deteriorating.." I heave with a sigh,
she tells me she's fine but thats all a lie.
"Just because I don't eat doesn't mean that I'm sick"
But it worries me because your body isn't nearly thick
enough to keep up with this pattern,
your size should be somewhere between Earth and Saturn
but instead you're mercury.
It isn't fair to your body to keep
depriving yourself of all that is good
when all that it needs to survive is some food
I am begging you please
do not fall to your knees.
they say rock bottom is the place to be
when you can't find the right mindset to see
what's happening.
because it's happening.
'I perform well under stress, like charcoal turned to diamond,
when  its 3am, writing my notes, its like I'm in my prime and,
I just can't stop now when I'm on this roll"
But you haven't yet seen what this toll
has taken on you
stolen your youth
Your boyfriend can tell,
he's not under some spell
and his gaze always falls to me
he's worried.

He has no idea what to do,
I'm your bestfriend, so I must know what to do.

but i don't
we're on opposite sides in the same boat
so how am i to keep you afloat
when my own heads slipping
under the water?
life is tough, and people cope with it different ways. this is sorta a letter to a friend who doesn't deal so well with life. Sometimes, you build them up as much as you can, but if that doesn't work, give them your eyes, and tell them what you see.
Dev Mar 2018
Nameless, but free.
Hair dyed an extraordinary shade of lilac,
sparkling a thousand which ways into the sun.
Like a diamond.

And yes, she was much like a diamond,
They make you believe that they're rare and expensive.
But really, there's millions of them.
They just want to feel special
Just a pretty face, and nothing more.
Copying her favourite sayings off an edgy tumblr blog
Dev May 2018
You’re a distraction, nothing more
Don’t look at me like that
I don’t actually like you,
You’re just nice to look at.

A distraction.

A distraction.


Stop getting in my head
With your inside jokes,
And hidden smiles.
You stare too much into my eyes,
Or am I the one staring?

No, you’re a distraction.

This isn’t real.

I love him, not you.

You’re just a distraction.
Dev May 2018
I...kinda really like you,
I know that I shouldn’t.
You’re not into me,
it’s plain to see
We wouldn’t
Make such a great couple.
We’d constantly bicker and fight
But even still
You know I will
Hold your hands all through the night.
I...kinda really love you,
I have since that very day
I buried it down,
And never made sound,
So that our friendship remained the same.

But what am I to do,
When you hold me like this
With your hand so gently teasing mine.



It feels too serious

Do you feel the same?

I hesitate to hold your hand properly

In case you’re truly leading me on.

Do you feel the same?
It lost its way a little
Dev Mar 2018

thump thump thump th-th-th-thump
Is my heart pounding,
or is that the waves of the beat
flooding from you across the room to me?

I have never really appreciated
the time keepers
until this very moment
when our eyes met.

You looked up at me,
swaying along to the beat
your hair flicking across your face
Obviously in the way.

Just a hint of a smile,
I don't even know you
and you made me feel
like my stomach was doing flips and hurdles.

After the beat was done,
you wordlessly sat a few seats away
And sheepishly grinned
Running your fingers through your hair

I don't even know you
but somehow
you make my heart feel like
it was dancing to your beat.
Oh that brown hair and brown eyes
Dev Aug 2019
Shivering and shaking
Hands grasping for you desperately
I know that you're toxic
I know that you're poision
I know you can hurt me
But I inhale your body
And exhale your scent
My fingers sting with every touch
My chest aches when you are gone
But the temptation of you overtakes me
The ease I feel when you light me aflame
Its too easy
Too easy to breathe you in
Dev Oct 2018
I stand here weak
and lonely
afraid of what I'll do
On one hand I want to lie
on the other, tell the truth
but the truth is overrated
and it's really not so fun
because once you say it out loud
you no longer hold the gun
Even if it was aimed at your own head
even if it is still
You are not the one teasing the trigger
You are not the one cheating thrills
So I lie here, sad
I lie here lonely
Until I'm weak and tired
I wait for the moment where my heart will stop
When my brain finally expires
I roll and ruffle
trying to get comfy
and I wish and wish for a message
from someone to help me
And then someone does
someone asks
and I'm faced with the same issue
Keep the gun, or hand it over
Either way, the bullets going through you.
E/M
Dev Mar 2018
E/M
A giggle a sweet as cotton candy,
Curled hair just like swirls
Blue eyes with pure bliss inside them.
Few teeth, looks just like a pearl.

A roar as fierce as any lions,
A stomp to shake the world.
Blonde hair, reminds me of someone else
And his fist rolled up ready to hurl.

But both of them are one and the same,
Just different fragments of light.
I hold them so close in my heart,
As I cuddle them both goodnight.
Went to my nieces baptism today and was just overwhelmed by my love for her and her brother,
So this came out :-)
Dev May 2018
I lay myself down
pills in my hand
time ticking, echoing, reverberating
through my head

this thought i cannot shake
no matter how hard i try
the need for it to end
the want for me to try

but somehow i always manage
to talk myself down
I'll walk back from the station
bare feet bleeding from the ground

Occasionally I'll wish so hard
for something tragic to just strike
like a car tumbling over me
to rid me of my misery

and yet i have this very tradition
every couple of nights
where i lay down with my oxycodone
in bed and i just cry

I don't think I'm depressed
I know its not my anxiety
Anxiety is just a word to me
And depression is but a sound.

I continually ask a question
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
and though i ask my councellors
I've never received a straight reply.




So why?

Why do i always want it to just end?


Surely I don't hate myself that much
Dev Jun 2019
I envy the sea for it's voluptuous waves
and curvaceous ways

I envy the trees for their strong willed stand
and armour clad hands

I envy the land for for it's flattened fertile soil
and growth of which is nought from toil

I envy the world for being perfect as it was
especially before humanity laid to rest in it.
Dev Apr 2018
I now know that dark
balances light, and without
dark, we would be blind
and we'd probably die too but yknow, try and keep it cheerful
Dev Apr 2018
I have learned that without light
All the things that hide inside
Would be gone
Is it wrong
To wanna lurk oh in the dark
To keep this torch without its spark

I grow tired of holding up this great facade
Lets dance around without our masks
And find who we are
Oh when the light turns off and all thats left is the dark

I wanna find equilibrium
I wanna see just who I’ve become
I wish that I could just go halfway
Cant choose between these pathways
It’s made me so numb
I wanna find equilibrium
I wrote a song based off a haiku i did a little while ago, and this is that
Dev Oct 2018
I want to hide behind predictable endings
And standard expectations.
I want to hide behind everything
That you want to happen.

Because maybe if I hide behind them,
And lie - just a little bit
Maybe if I pretend that they’re true
You won’t think I’m such a cheat/disappointment/waste/etc.
I want to be normal, I wanna be able to do at least the minimum that you expect, but Im a self saboteur so I’ll just lie about it, and we can all pretend that we’re happy go lucky idiots
Dev Jun 2018
Isn't it fascinating
                          how one little sound
                                               changes everything.
                         how one simple touch
            can ruin
all of it
we were everything and nothing all at once in that moment, but then you chose the latter.
Dev Feb 2019
Lately I've been dreaming
In faded technicolour.
I dream of you, of him
And her
And it wakes me up

Lately I cannot sleep
Plagued by these
Almost contrived dreams
Like my subconscious is telling me something.

I remember times I'd all but forgotten
I remember feeling like a child.

And as I wake, for the first time tonight.
I know what you are trying to tell me.
This faded technicolour, the people who you left, these dreams which won't leave you alone.
You're lonely.
And I'm back after a month at least of disappearance oops
Dev May 2018
She’s beautiful,
A fallen angel, you see.
Not because she believes in god-she doesn’t.
But because she’s saved me.

Time and time and time again,
My parachute when I’ve leaped off the edge.
The current of wind to return me to sanity,
The words of wisdom that heal my insanity.

She loves to scare people,
With her interests in Wicca and Satanism,
She’ll kick you if you dare
Mess with her or someone she adores

She acts like she has no heart,
Like she doesn’t give a ****.

And why shouldn’t she?
When they all end up using it against her.

The way she lines her eyes - her devils disguise.
The way her hair is a mad mess of frizz.
The way she cries for the guys on the US show
It is
The most amazing
Thing to
Watch.


She is so ******* beautiful,
Like a fallen angel

She doesn’t  need her wings.
Dev Sep 2018
there are far too many holes in my shirt
he tells me, winking
he asks me if I'm cold
Would I like his jumper?
No, it's far too small.
He's far too happy
when he sits here
talking with me
and I am far too at ease.
He tells me about his dreams and plans
he talks about video games, how he stans
for skrillex, and all that dubstep stuff
and I can't even listen to it now.
He tells me his home life,
and how he was scared
He tells me about brothers
and possible sisters
He asks me how I am,
and I tell him the truth
he hangs an arm round my shoulder
he is far too comfortable with
comforting me.
But only when no one else is here
but see, now I'm embellishing
because I am not talking to him
I'm talking about him
to myself.
I'm not yet comfortable with comforting myself
and there are far too many holes in this shirt
and the story.
Sometimes I think I made it all up, I'm not entirely sure I didn't.
Dev Jun 2018
I love being in love with you
But I hate feeling so ******* alone
Dev Jun 2018
Your fist barricades me,
Seals the wound I’ve ripped open
You whisper gently
You want to help me.

Your help is not needed, not wanted
I only wished to show you inside
But you sucker punched me
And I stand here

Keeled over,
Wheezing and winded

Eyes glazed over,
You won’t go down without a fight
Even when it’s not your battle,
You send your horses in.

It’s increasingly harder to distinguish
The enemy shades from the ally hues
Blue and red                       becomes purple
I can’t tell what colour you’re wearing any more

Or whether I’m hurting myself

Or you
Dev Mar 2018
If you were a piece of glass,
I'd wrap you in silky cloth
so you wouldn't break
or cut me.

If you were a child,
I'd sing you sweet songs,
until you fell asleep,
so quiet in my arms.

If you were a rose,
I'd never cut you from
the bush where you belong
So you would never ***** me.

If you were a dandelion,
I'd cup you in my hands so gently,
so the wind could not
blow your dreams away.

But because you aren't a fragile thing,
I have to leave you be.
It truly breaks my heart
to see you get hurt so easily.
Dev Sep 2018
Is it measured in photos
that you take all together?
Is it measured in moments
captured, immortalised forever?
Is it measured in numbers
on my own Facebook profile?
Is it measured in hearts
on my Instagram story?
Is it measured in coolness
when you hang with the "crew"?
Is it measured by how you all look
when others see you?
Is it measured by unplanned days
hanging out and having fun?
Is it measured in decibels
of laughter in the sun?
Is it measured by phone calls
when you need each other?
Is it measured by the love
that you all hold for one another?
Is friendship measured by strictly tangible means?
Or is it measured by all of these things?
And if by chance, that friend should no longer be near,
would all that it's measured disappear?
Dev Mar 2018
Gently please,
handle with care.
if you play too hard,
I might get scared.

If you shake me too much,
my curls will undo
The color will drain from
my face, cause of you.

If you grab me too rough,
I will try to break free
I have had enough
of your misery.

If you hold me too tightly
afraid to let go,
I will run away
into the great unknown.

so please, I beg you,
I'll beg and I'll plead.
Handle me gently,
don't make me leave.
Claustrophobic when it comes to people, yet surprisingly clingy. An enigma wrapped in a conundrum, thats me!
Dev Mar 2018
She wafts through with ease,
Creating a smile wherever she goes
Supposedly without a care in the world.

If only they knew her trouble,
They would surely treat her better
For she is gold among copper.
For J, I know it's short! I love you much the same
Dev May 2018
I spent two hours on google
trying to figure out exactly what shade eyes you had
and funnily enough,
none of them were quite as beautiful as the real deal.
Should I start titling my poems normally?







...maybe...
Dev Oct 2018
Who is to say
that I will ever be happy
Like shedding pounds
and downsizing gowns
is the secret thats been kept from me all along.
Like eating air
and taking care
of my hair
is important.

And yeah, I know I'm destroying myself.
And I know that if I get where i wanna be,
I probably still won't be happy.

But at least let me deceive you into thinking
that I actually believe the opposite,
cos it's easy to lie to myself
It's harder to lie to you.
Dev Sep 2018
It was fathers day on sunday
And my dad was really happy
he saw two of his grown three boys
I'll be honest it was sappy

And while my brothers were over,
he was indeed always grinning
In all the photos we took
with his grandkids, he was winning

And the most important part
was that he was able
to congratulate his sons on being new fathers
as we all sat to eat at the table

And as soon as everyone left,
he let out a sigh
he heaved himself into his bedroom
so we wouldn't hear him cry

because his third son,
the youngest of his boys
didn't even bother to show up
he was the silence in the noise

his absence was louder than anything
his lack of presence left a hole
and nothing any of us did
could possibly console

Not even a happy fathers day
to the dad who cared for him
and now I think everyone
has lost their faith in him.

And no longer can he blame
his psychopathic partner
because this one's on him
and he's pushed us all farther.

So I hope it was worth it
I hope your day went well
because you're completely different in my eyes
From your pedestal, you've fell (fallen)
Couldn't make the last word rhyme lol
In all honesty do whatever the hell you want. It's like I don't even know you anymore. You goddman deserve her, if she's pulling your strings, and especially if she's not.
Dev Jan 2019
Walking in like you own the place,
Like you're the only one in the room.
Of course, you have a gorgeous face
Just watch me act like a buffoon.
You're a muso, just like I am.
But twice as good and sure
Maybe I might come to like you
Maybe...
you'll be more.
I have a v new v attractive coworker and she's v comfortable around me for some reason. Or she's pretending to be. Just watch as I ***** it up
Dev Apr 2018
The unexpected tingle upon your lips
Taken aback by the fiery flames
Of passion and heat upon you

Drown in a torrid affair
Melting like lava
And relinquish control of your body to hells fiery, fiery depths.

Dance the tango of feverish despair
As you reach for a cool refuge
And sigh as relief floods down your body


And please, please




Remember to wash your hands after cooking with chilli




Or risk an encore of its fury.
Just finished making fajitas, and then not five minutes later, went to bite my nail and ooof.
Was not good at all.
Might not use bird eye chilli from now on.
Dev Sep 2018
He was Autumn without chill
falling secrets, forming piles
of unearthed mystery, unknowing
how deep his soul was

He was Winter when he came
cold and distant, and lonely
needing layers to protect himself
from anything that might change
or truly discover him

He was Spring when he left
Happiness blooming through him
an aura radiating complete
and total trust

He was Summer when we finished
Overheated and over suffering from sunstroke
He'd been playing in the sun for too long
and now he was burnt, and tired.
Dev Jun 2018
Your flaws run deep,
Like the valleys through your face.
But do not look at that with your
Aging eyes
For all you will see is your
Slowly creeping demise.

Look with me,
At your wondrous face,
Can’t you see?
There’s not a thing out of place.


Your emerald green orbs light up with a spark
Your greying hair, is luxurious and still maintains the dark
That you wore as an oh so youthful teen
Before you married, when you were living the dream.

Though losing its marbles, your mind remains sharp,
You sit here with me, creating art
And everyone else, you seem to have lost,
Their cheerful interactions now met with frost.

You tell me you’re worried, that I’m to be next
That you won’t remember me after the fix
Your shaky hands move towards mine
In an attempt for comfort in desperate times

Because time is now slowly running out
And I believe in you, but I have my doubts
So we knit and we knit and then we crotchet
And when day time tv is on we pretend we’re okay

And then the one day I made plans to hang out with my friends instead of visiting you,
It was the very day I lost you.


September 18 2015 5:47 pm


The time I got the call.
I wasn’t there for you at all.
I knew you weren’t well that day.
And I still decided to stay away.

The last day of the school term, I thought you were fine
I truly believed we had more time.
Turns out even if I wished, I still was wrong.
I should’ve stuck with you all the way along.

I never got to tell you, that very day,
That despite the disease, you were beautiful in every way.
Though your flaws run deep, just like a valley,
To me, in my formative years, you were my greatest ally.
Dev Aug 2018
I want to be needed,
no i need to be needed.
You don't even understand
and its hurting me now
Dev Apr 2018
help me
for I am drowning in your eyes
and you have yet
to offer me a lifeline
Dev Apr 2018
Hickory Dickory Dock
the mouse ran round the clock

or did it?

Did the mouse run round the clock or is that what it wanted you to believe?
That a mouse ran around the timepiece indeed.
Creating this grand illusion upon which you praise it with a song.
Hoping for once you wouldn't think wrong.
So for once it thought it just wouldn't try,
And instead came up with the masterful lie.
And pulled it off like a criminal scheme.
And now rests forever in an eternal ticking theme.
But what if, instead, it was all for you?
The mouse was just shielding you from the truth.
So you wouldn't see that time was ticking away
in a endlessly constant, rapid pace.
Would you really care if that was all a lie?
After all, it was only in your mind.
Dev Aug 2018
Hidden underneath a rainbow
Hidden in that beaming smile
Hidden in your scornful venom
Hidden in that cunning wile
Hidden in the deepest crevice
Hidden in the widest crack
Hidden in your nightly terrors
Hidden in you talking smack
Hidden in your warm embrace
Hidden in your cool demeanour
Hidden under your made up face
Hidden in a vivid dreamer
Hidden in a plethora
Of weird and wonderful things
Is a weird and wonderful being
Who does make me sing
Hidden in everything
Is you
The real you.
Dev Mar 2018
I am tired of
Pretending I'm okay when
I really am not.
Yet I can't seem to drop this mask
Dev Jun 2018
How do you say
I like you
without coming off as immature

How do you say
I love you
Without feeling oh so sure

How do you say
I want you
If she’s the one that you desire

How do you say
I need you
If your need for her is dire

How do you say
Come back, please
Without coming off as weak

How do you say
I’m sorry
Without havoc being wreaked

How do you say
I love you
And not have her run

How do you say
I like you
And still manage to get some
*da doong tchhhhhhhh*
Dev Mar 2018
Step 1
Recover from the shock
let the emotion roll through your system
Breathe in and out.
Don't throw up.

Step 2
Plant a big fat smile on your face
Say I'm totally happy for you.
Wow what great news!

Don't throw up.

Step 3
Burn everything you've ever written about him.
She's your friend, she deserves more than you
You can't compete
Don't throw up

Step 4
Revert to what you're good at
Making other people happy.
Get them together
Don't throw up.

Step 5
Move on
Attempt to 'hook up' with someone
Fail miserably
Don't throw up

Step 6
Be the third wheel
And the reason why they'll be together.
Watch him pick her over you over and over.
This time, actually throw up.
It makes me sick but I know I should be supportive of her.

I almost wanna scream "I saw him first!"
Dev May 2018
~

Fingers trembling,
i softly strum
crinkling the paper, on which reads
What have I become?

A sacrifice is to be made,
one of dignity and creativity
Something must die
To salvage my sanity

First you find the chords
That hurt you the most,
the ones that become you
Like a virus, infecting the host.

And then, label this second
you find your own beat
the one that changes the mood a little,
so it isnt so bleak.

Thirdly, you'll add
poetry to match
words that sooth your soul
and for others to catch

Finally, a melody
of softly strung tears
the kind that is so subtle
to relay your fears

After that, you're done.
You're finished, all through.
You'll start again and wonder
who are you?


~
I had a friend ask me how I write music, and this came from that
Dev Apr 2018
IT HURTS.

IT HURTS SO MUCH I CAN'T HANDLE IT.

WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?

I just wanted you

but I can't make you want me

if you don't want to
I think he just broke my heart without even knowing it.
Dev Mar 2018
Who am I to write love poems to you
When you will never see them

Am I selfish to create a friendship based off of lies,
In the hope that you'll come to love me?

In all honesty,
I'm a ****** hypocrite.
I
Dev Mar 2018
I
I heard him, that day.
He said He loved She,
Over and Over.

Over and Over,
I told She,
I do not love him

Over and Over.
She and I have never told the other a lie
Until that small but impactful half truth.

I do not love He,
I adore him,
Worship him with every fibre of my being.

When He smiles,
He sets free caged birds and butterflies.
He sets free the clutter of  my heart.

When She left, She locked his heart
and He threw away the key.
The silence hung heavy and low forever.

Since then, I have not seen He smile
I sit here in wait, for He to find the key
and obtain his freedom yet again.

To set free the clutter of my heart
Reckon I can find more pronouns to continue this sad series.
theres always They, Him, Her, Them, Us, You, etc.... ugh
Dev Apr 2018
I am over you
I am so very over you
I am required to be over you thus I am over you

Perchance I wasn't...over you...
how could all three of us continue being friends?
It's like a bad case of deja vu, but this time
it came back with a vengeance.

help
help
help

My heart still skips when I see you, is that okay?
I still get nervous and choked up talking to you, is that normal?
Sometimes it's too much, I ignore you completely...how about that?

But I am over you.
Completely
And
Utterly
Over
You


and your stormy eyes

F**k

~
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