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Dev Apr 2018
-
you know, I think the difference between the two of you is that she doesn't try that hard, but you try way too hard

2am and you're still on this video call
Widening your eyes
Chuckling and smirking
And blushing cause I said her name

Wow, you know I'm just so, so ecstatic that things are working out for you

The conversation swings back and forth
From you to me
From euphoria to melancholy
And I notice you look a little confused

If anything ever goes wrong, you have me to lean on, and my friends. We'll back you.

Well something did go wrong
But it went wrong months ago
When I fell for you
And your dazzling blue eyes

Hey, the friendship has been real but you can't expect me to continue without having everything in the open. I can't handle this, you needed to know.

No reply
No response
Just a little message saying
Read

I'm sorry for ruining everything. I hope she and you work out but I can't be handling this anymore

Not even opened

Should I try again?

My heart lies uncertain with every step

Broken as it may be

It still wants you

-
I'm wrecked
Dev Sep 2018
A cold metal stick
held between floor and ceiling
I twirl and I trick
it's a fecking great feeling
And everytime I say
that i dance on a pole
everyone stares
"the fat girl playing a ***** role"
But it doesn't matter
cause for those 60 minutes
I feel like I'm flying
like i have no limits
And it's the one time a week
that I truly like myself
and I can look in the mirror
all confident in myself
I guess what I'm saying
is don't put me down
for loving myself
Cos I'm not losing my crown
Not yet anyways.
I hung upside down today and I was so impressed/proud/soreeeeeee :D
It's time we put the negative connotations associated with pole dancing to rest - it's great exercise, fantastic for body confidence, and overall makes you feel great about yourself
Dev Jun 2018
I hate your cocky smile,
Your crinkly eyes,
Masquerading, facading face.
Stormy yet crystal clear azure eyes.
I hate it all.





I’m glad you’re with her.
No I’m not.


Sometimes the best way to vent is to completely lie.
II
Dev Mar 2018
II
get your hand out of my heart.



didnt they tell you not to play with your food
He doesn't even know it
III
Dev Mar 2018
III
Lately, it all hurts
Perhaps I'm just sensitive
To the whole, wide, world.
Haiku, anyone?
Not my forte, if at all anything really is.
Dev Oct 2018
Sometimes I feel so much
I force myself to cry
Excuse myself from time with my friends
So they don't see the little pieces die
I hide away, shut out the pain
and pour out all these tears
I smash the wall with angry fists
and relinquish all my fears
"And what if I cry too much
and my skin becomes too dry?
I've held onto too many emotions again
even though I really tried"
I tried so hard to control myself
I tried not to overdo it
but in the end, tears always win
And I'll never see through it.
I wish for a day when I could keep it at bay
keep these tears all tucked away
but for now I'll force myself
to cry it all away.
It's only mildly discomforting. Maybe it's punishment, maybe it's coping.
Maybe it's neither.
ily
Dev Apr 2018
ily
Hey.

I love you.

I love the way your skin wraps your frame, your clothes the bow on top.

It makes me a little insecure, but I love it.

I love the way your silky smooth hair falls, swishing below your waist, like Rapunzel.

It makes me a little jealous, but I love it.

I love the way you stare at me, like you know everything about me, like I'm completely transparent.

It makes me a little uneasy, but I love it.

I love the way you write songs to me, snatched out of thin air on your six string, right in front of me.

It makes me feel a little deceitful, but I love it.

I love the way you move so fast from person to person, how you can just touch and go.

It makes me a little depressed, but I love it

I love everything about you

And I wish you didn't leave like them

I thought you were a little different.
And I loved it
Dev Sep 2019
You hurt me far more than you know
words hitting me like bricks
Ill-formed advice and wisdoms
Are the only things that stick

You can't see it
we don't mesh well
not anymore, at least.

But be careful how you speak of me,
I know your tricks and schemes
I know your manipulations and lies
I know your disguise

So if you're truly a friend
and you truly care
then talk to me about it

Don't go spilling secrets and calling me names at parties.
Dev Jul 2018
-
I’m fine,
Don’t  worry about these little things.
I know it gets better.
it always gets better..
You don’t need to help me,
This happens all the time.
I’m fine
-
Dev Jun 2018
I miss your dumb face
I miss your dumb hair
I miss your dumb laugh
I miss your dumb jokes
I miss your dumb eyes
I miss your dumb stare
I miss your dumb goodbyes
I miss your dumb hellos
I miss your dumb life

I miss you
Dev Feb 2019
I have almost successfully untethered myself from society
Become a recluse, a hermit
I tell myself I'm happy this way
Like this no one can hurt me
Or my imaginary heart.
That I'm okay
Speaking to my only real friend every now and again
By texting
I'm okay being alone.
I'm okay with this
It's all fine.
I'm becoming detached
From reality
And it's fine.
Let's do something together later.
Don't worry, I'll forget about it.
Sometimes I forget the day.
Sometimes I forget the year
My memories get mixed up with the present.
A foggy, hazy blend of incoherent snapshots of my past
Thinking I have plans for dates that have been and gone
Cancelled.
I was "sick"
But I'm okay.
I swear.
I'd stop doing it if I wanted to.
If I was smart.
I wish that I hadn't let all my friends go, I wish it wasn't so hard to talk to them, but when I do I always want to cry. It's my fault, and it shouldn't be so hard. Maybe when I'm 4 months older it'll be easier ;)
Dev Jul 2018
I am at an impasse.
I can no longer write.
As i sit here dread and agony
boils and rages inside me.
Festering until it manifests
into...
Me.
into...
agony and rage.
I can't produce music
I can't write the poetry
I can't paint my visions
so here I will force myself
to get something
anything
out.
No matter if its good
it is me
where my head is at
and so hopefully
this neither here nor there piece
can drag me out of this rut
like a tow-truck to a hippie van
thats been bogged in the mud
for months on end.
And so
I'll end this piece
with some food for thought
just one word






ugh.
just the words from my head. take it or leave it.
Dev Sep 2018
My head hurts like hell today
and i never left my bed
I've begun to feel myself decay,
like the hair upon my head.
The only movement to muster,
is a sharp scratch on my arm
the same place I've
been scratching for hours.
I lIft my legs and try to turn
but perish at the thought
and nothing now can match
the pain that I have brought
upon myself with this old scratch
the skin has turned completely red,
and begun to slowly peel
at the deepest part, it seeps my blood
yet it doesn't feel real
I feel light headed, and completely dizzy
like I'm running out of air
and I know I should do something to help myself
but I almost don't care.
My heart is racing and i sluggishly pull the covers over my head
i hold my breath and close my eyes
im pretending that im dead
Dev Mar 2018

I think I've used up all my


C R E A T I V I T Y


and now I'm left to die of


B O R I N G N E S S
-
Dev Jun 2018
Infatuation is...
not a blessing

It disguises itself as love
parades as an obsession.

Infatuation is...
such a hazard

It fills you with bliss and ecstasy
until it all goes awry.

Infatuation is...
heartbreak and agony

It fills you with dread and acrimony
shortens your days, lengthens your nights.

Forgive me, I have been foolish.
Infatuation has masqueraded too many times
as love.
I always let my naivety get the better of me
Dev Jun 2018
Hearts aflutter
lips in sync
you sway a little
to the cool jazz beat

"... in my heart, I know
when you go out to explore..."


Our gaze meets
from across the room
when you smile like that
i can't help but swoon.

"This last night, won't you act like you
will stay for a long time..."


In my head I imagine
your hand clutching mine
We slow dance to the beat
keeping to the time.

"I don't know how, but i know I'll find a way
to make you stay awhile..."


In reality, we're here
standing mere metres from eachother
but holding so much distance
singing the same words to eachother.

"Until I feel you leave my veins."

-
Dev Aug 2018
It's always the timing.

                    like the seconds slipping
    
                                            through our fingers

                                                                      actually mean anything.


It's never the right time for you.
Take it slowly, move with grace
hope to god she wont end up
******* his.....face off.

'Don't cry too much'

                               Don't worry,

                                                  I'm laughing.



This toxic love has gone on too long
And now its simply ironic.
You were the one to confront me years ago
and I rejected you.

And now I find myself
wanting to confront you
despite knowing
you'll reject me.
and now when i finally figure it all out, you want him. At this point im a broken record
Dev Aug 2018
My chest rises and falls
And I'm painfully aware
that I am living.
But I ask you,
Is it called living
when the air you breathe
the very substance that keeps you alive
twists and twirls and takes
your breath away.
Ironic isn't it?
Is it really living
when the food you eat
the very substance that keeps you alive
is your greatest enemy in times of anger,
but fiercest ally in times of sadness?
Truly, ironic.
And is it really living
when the happiness you make,
the only thing actually keeping you here, alive.
Is it really living if it's all a lie?
Dev Jun 2018
help.
it's my seventeenth birthday today
what shall I wear?
do i even care?
i'd just like to stay in bed.

Help.
It's my seventeenth birthday today
Now I'll dress up
And put on all my makeup.
And try to forget the dread.

Help!
It's my 17th birthday today.
She said I have to mature
Like a grown up, I'm sure.
But I can't let it go to my head.

help.
its my seventeenth birthday today
i dont want to party,
or pretend to be smart
I just want to stay in bed.
wrote this a couple days ago and forgot to post woops
IV
Dev Mar 2018
IV

You asked who it was that day,
you asked me with a smile.
I said, hold on, boy, lets just talk for a while

And so you laughed and looked
away for just a glance
and right then, right there,
I knew I'd missed my chance.

Because right then, right there, I said
Yeah, its him.
The other dude, i'm into him.


And no one really knows
if anything would've changed
But I know for sure,
we'd be playing a different game.

Because right in that moment
with your big, dumb smile,
I should've said it's you.
It's been you all this while.

And yeah, you'd would've been shocked,
And probably a little mad
but i think most of all,
you would've felt sad

because it all would be apparent,
why I'd gotten so close to you.
Maybe you'd have have blamed me,
for her not choosing you

Perhaps you'd stop speaking to me,
And forget all we talked about
But I don't think i'd feel so bad,
with my heart all laid out
didn't edit this one so sorry if its a bit ****
Dev Mar 2018
I want you to write me,
the way that I write you.

Only capturing the
beautiful sides
on sunny days

I want to be your poem,
like you are mine

Soft words,
lilting sentences,
perhaps I'll even rhyme.

I want to be in your song,
that one about love.

The girl who's hair shines,
and dances without care?
I want to be her.

I want you to see all the good in me,
and truly believe there's no madness.

but soon you'll see
eventually,
I'm filled to the brim with badness.
I want to be anybody else really.
Also I really have to start coming up with titles.
Dev Aug 2018
I've become numb
to the blatant stares
of those who 'care'
while splitting hairs

I've become numb
to their irritated wiles
they get me to smile
for memories they file

I've become numb
to their heartbreaking games
they use to shame
and try to tame

I've become numb
cause you've broken me down
now i lie on the ground
while my pieces surround

I've become numb
and I can't feel anymore
so you close the door
while you weep and I pour

I've become numb
there's nothing left to say
you couldn't fix me
I wasn't broken.... before anyway
Dev Mar 2020
I will not sink
Here on my boat
I sing these words
To stay afloat

I will not sink
Here in this sea
Won’t condemn myself
To misery

I will not sink
I know I can
But will not try
To reach for land

I will not sink
I’ll sing all day
And chase these pirates
All away

I will not sink
I will not sink
I will not sink
Till I’m ashore

I will not sink
I will not sink
I will not sink
My fears, no more

I will not sink
Here on my ship
I’ve finally started
To give a ****.
My little mantra at the moment.






It's only the first week of something new, and I keep getting that niggling thought in my head that I'm not cut out for this, but I refuse to give up simply because I think I can't do it. I simply have to.
Dev Sep 2018
I wish that could sing better
so i could sing a song
that made people happy
enough so, they'd sing along
I wish I could get out of bed
not afraid to fall
I wish I could rearrange my head
So I'd be happy when you call
I wish that I could tell you
the truth every time you ask
I wish that when you looked at me
you didn't see a mask
I wish that I could push myself
and force myself to fly
but I think I'll just stay here
on this bed, I lay to die
IX
Dev Mar 2018
IX

She just wants to be loved
Sent all hope from high above
Eyes like a cavern
Hair like a cage
Open her book, turn the page.

Walk through the streets, see and smell the air
See its better up here than it is down there
See here you can be happy, here you are safe.
Here there are no mirrors screaming in your face

Be a little a better, must escape a little more
To feel a little better, means to feel nothing more
And if I should leave for there, I’ll leave a reason why
I’ll be the sun shining in your darkest sky

Daytime never ends, the streets are always empty.
People walking past, all these thoughts, they are so tempting
Let bubblegum girl lead you to where you want to go.
She’s travelled all these places, she knows all the roads

Run through the field, theres flowers everywhere
Moments passing by, no one has a moment to spare.
Let the breeze linger, trace some smiles with your finger
In a moment you’ll forget all the pain.

To be a little a better, must escape a little more
To feel a little better, means to feel nothing more
And if I should leave for there, I’ll leave a reason why
I’ll be the sun shining in your darkest sky
An old piece, it was written as lyrics to a song
Dev Jun 2018
Let’s dance, old friend!
Its really been too long
You met my family all to-night!
You seemed to get along.

Let’s dance, dear friend,
For this privilege, we paid a thou
To waltz and twirl, holding each-other
And then to take a bow

Let’s dance, my friend
But only not soooooo formal!
Of course you’re welcome to loosen up
And act just like normal

But dancing, dear friend
Is treacherous waters
Because we get far far far too close

Your hand left my shoulder, and be-cause
We’re older, I know that it wasn’t
A hoax.

It slipped slipped slipped to
My hip hip hip

Perhaps you were tired of twirling and swirling,
Could no longer sustain your hefty arms
But treading the ice as thin as it is,
You know that does cause me alarm.

Perhaps it was a figment of my imagination
How comfortable you were compared to I
Given our past (though it never did last)
I would’ve have thought you to be far more shy.
Dev Jun 2018
Let's write a story
of you and I,
and all the things
we whisper at night

Our hopes and dreams
the castle we'll own
when we leave this town
to make it on our own

The jobs we'll have
the people we'll meet
the shop we'll own
on an odd and quirky street

You'll be the chef,
I'll be the waitress,
I'll let you be the boss sometime
if I'm feeling so gracious

Then a few years pass by
all is going well
Out of the blue you're on one knee
Enchanting me with your spell.

The wedding is oh so beautiful
sending guests home in awe
After the honeymoon,
the emotions are still so raw

We save and we save
till we're blue in the face
Till we buy our first home
filled with gorgeous green landscape

And then we'll have kids
no gender preffered
They'll grow up surrounded
By love and and kindly words

And they'll write their own story
with someone special they meet
They'll start a brand new book,
the journeys all they need

I'll spend the rest of mine with you
till I'm fresh out of ink
because this life will pass you by
within a simple blink.
Dev Apr 2018
Every bone in my body aches
Long silenced joints whisper and croak
And my muscles shudder in agony

I should have been resting hours ago
But she's stabbed him in the back yet again
So I will stand here and pick up all his pieces.

I will silently plead to him.
Do not go back to her. Do not go back at all.
I will smother him with "that's terrible, I wish I could fix it all for you"

I will tuck him in to sleep,
And give him the restoration he needs.
In faith. In family. In music. In life

I will feed him far more than he needs
Because all he needs now is comfort
And when he says he's going back
I will tell him that it is his choice.

It is his choice to return to a drunken psychopath

It is his choice to love someone who cannot be saved, simply because they don't want to be.

It is his choice to try to save her.

It is his choice to let her run him over, time and time again.

And I will always be here at the ready,
Warm blanket, coffee, and warm meal
In my hands.

Ready to pick up all his pieces and stick him together like glue
For Liam, I'm sorry that things have turned out the same as usual.
I always want the best for you and love you with all my heart...
She may change, she may not. But I will always be here for you.

Love ya big bro.
Dev Sep 2018
between you and me
I never wanted to be this lonely
I wanted tradition,
like a fairytale

instead im stuck swiping left and right
Dev Jul 2018
I am lonely,
for the first time in my life
I am well and truly
lonely.

I long for human connection
to inspire me
feed my creativity
make me whole

It is barely past
the beginning of my
new beginning
and I'm lonely.

I already miss my companions
even though
nothing has changed for them
everythings changed for me

I'm so lonely
but I have to deal
because I made this choice
and I'll be ****** if I prove them right,
Dev Mar 2018
At first glance,
It's a mirror.
I, on one side,
she, on the other.

But as you peer closer,
and over the sink,
you'll start to realise
it's not what you think.

She is so graceful,
carefully crafted.
She would never think so,
but then, she's a *******.

She takes off her shoes,
Just to walk on broken glass
And sometimes she decides
To stick her head up her ***.

She's beautiful and sweet,
Don't get me wrong,
Cause even after all this time,
She's my favorite song.

She complex and odd,
And so completely normal
It's hard to think
She could be so casual, and yet so formal.

And I know my timings off,
But I really gotta say
She the most wonderful person I know,
At least, as of today.

She's caring and sweet,
But she can be a huge *****,
But don't you worry, if you're unravelling,
She's the stitch.

She's calm and collected,
With warm eyes and a cold smile
Have I mentioned she's a contradiction?
But she's worth the while.

But just make sure
That you look underneath,
Cause she hides in there,
It's her relief.

Part the curtains of jet black hair,
Dodge the freckle bullets, you're nearly there.
Wipe off her mask with the back of your hand,
And there, just a lonely girl stands.

And lonely girl is
still so lovely,
She doesn't fuss much,
She's completely motherly.

Inside imperfect girl,
Right there, within
Is why she's imperfect
Call it her original sin.
Ok it's 3 am and the point kind of got away from me. The heart of this piece is that, lonely girl maybe lonely, but her kindness and compassion comes from that one thing that no one sees, because more often than not, no one cares enough. But I see, and I care so take that!
Dev Oct 2018
Sunken eyes have always provided the perfect place to set sail, a voyage in a desolate place, where hope is forgotten and nothing of consequence could ever grow.
Sunken eyes have always given me hope that things will get better, because sunken eyes slowly, little by little, fill with light
and dazzle
and sparkle

i wish not to have sunken eyes anymore
i want my dazzle and sparkle back
what is this title, what is this piece. I don't even know anymore
Dev Aug 2018
I'm losing you to his cool embrace,
and losing you is something I'll just have to face
no demons or darkness, no sadness or pain,
just knowing that all my love was in vain.
RIP me
Dev May 2018
What is love?
Can you honestly tell me?
For all I've found it to be over the years
is
late night calls
shutting out your family
shunning everything you liked about yourself
tearing petals off flowers
writing
creating
heartbreaking

I've never found it to be especially lovely
especially comforting
nor do i know anyone who has experienced the lovely thrill we love to love through the silver screen.

love love love love love love love love love love love

say it enough times
it wont even sound like a word anymore

feel it enough times
it won't even feel real anymore
Dev Mar 2018
She was a masterpiece,
Colours exploding all over the page,
In a graceful, tender, loving position
It almost made me miss her.
Dev Sep 2018
I can’t handle much more of this
I think I truly hate myself
And so I look for others for love
And yet,
I still find none there.

And maybe
if I lost 20, 30, 40, maybe 50
Maybe then
Someone would love me
Maybe then,
I would love myself
Dev Jun 2018
"Let's create a religion"
He beamed with a smile
drawing some semi ******* figures
upon my newly decorated wall

And now, two days later
I'm smiling at your
saviour, christened
Memesus.
Dev Aug 2018
There is a scar on my heart,
from when you crashed into me
and cut it wide open.
Don't mistake, it wasn't broken.
Simply just open.
And you stared at me
with your deep brown eyes
lashes long like spider silk
and i thought to myself
'boys shouldn't have lashes that long.'
'it makes them too beautiful'
'boy shouldn't be that beautiful'
And i remember when i cried,
and you hugged me
you didnt hug anyone
but we were alone,
and no one could've seen.
I remember your thumb drawing circles
and i forgot i was supposed to be crying
because that **** thumb
was driving my nervous system
into a wreckage of anxiety
and love.
I remember you painting
something from your video game
you were happy that day
and we mucked around.
You splattered paint across my
good white schoolshirt
I had to throw it out.
but I didn't,
because it was you
it was us
...
before you left anyways.

So i finally threw it out,
the last remnant of our
time together.
the final piece of memorabilia.
I don't think you'll care but
I thought you should know.
Dev May 2018
'Memories,' she whispered
into her dark hotel room,
lit up only by the street lights
and cars passing by outside.
'Memories only hurt and hinder,
but to see your face...'


'I'd relive all those memories again'
Excerpt from a short story i wrote

Sorta sounded poetic so up it goes.
Dev Oct 2018
I finally reached what I like to call
"A mini goal" today.
It's not something completely important
it's not life changing
it's no milestone,
but it's a tiny step towards one
And it really is a shame
that I still can't bring myself to feel proud
because I know I'm destroying myself
in the process
of trying to fix myself
I'm not so sure that it's all worth it anymore
Dev Apr 2018
Lets walk down the street
Why’d I lose it again?

You are killing me
Keep calling me your friend

And it hurts, it hurts,
It hurts my dear.
Cause I tried, I tried to
keep you near.

I tried to keep you close

But it all just got away from me
We all lost out to misery
I have to wonder why
It always ends this way

I’ll pass you by on my way to see
And you’ll look at me despondently
Because I, I let you down

And they’ll all say their piece on me
Saying Oh she’s such a drama queen
But I, I never meant to let you down

And it hurts, it hurts,
It hurts my dear.
Cause I tried, I tried to
keep you near

I tried to keep you close

But it all just got away from me
We all lost out to misery
I have to wonder why
It always ends this way

I lost myself somewhere along the way
Trying to be perfect for you
I lost myself somewhere along the way
Trying to be someone new


And it hurts, it hurts
It hurts my dear
Cause I tried I tried to
keep you near

I tried to keep you close

And it hurts, it hurts
It hurts my dear
Cause I tried I tried to
keep you near

I tried to lock you down.

But it all just got away from me
I sealed myself to misery
Trying to be you
Another song

I'm mad as hell still but I understand a little better now I've calmed down.

And I'm sorry for reacting the way I did.
Dev Apr 2018
I wanted to talk to you today
It was sad and funny
I already miss you
and I know you'll read this

I walked into a rose bush,
And now I have scars that match you on my leg and arm
It just reminded me
That I really do miss you.

Maybe you're relieved in a sense, like I am
That we're not lying to each other anymore
And despite the many, many flaws of our friendship
I hope you do miss me.

I got some bad news the other day,
I saw a meme too
And I almost, almost slipped up
Because I so very much miss you

But please, remember like I am trying to
Space is what we need
Low expectations, easy to manage
Even if I miss you

If you need me, I'm here
I'm so not used to having to say that to you
But I need you to understand
You don't have to miss me,

'Cos I'll already be there for you.
I just want you to know I'm always here, even if we're not talking.

No matter what.
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