CI Thomas: Poems

CI Thomas Jul 2018

I have this dream
Where my demons don't exist
You were there
Mowing the lawn of
A House With A White Picket Fence

It was awfully domestic
It made me hurt
To wish for something
I could never have
A House With A White Picket Fence

A little girl and a little boy
Ran out onto the deck
They look like you
Screams of joy
Playing together at
A House With A White Picket Fence

Sometimes
When our eyes meet
Across the room
You'll smile at me
And all I see is
A House With A White Picket Fence

does anyone else?

CI Thomas May 2020

does anyone else?

does anyone else
get that pressure in your chest
it hurts to breathe
and your pulse is quick?

does anyone else
get a lump in your throat
it won't be pushed down
and your throat feels raw?

does anyone else
dream of happy days
a dog and a beach
and the smell of the ocean?

does anyone else
not want to die
but not want to lie
about the life they are living?

does anyone else
want to be someone else
want to be somewhere else
want to be something else?

#sad #life #leaving #unhappy

i was a kid

CI Thomas Jun 2020

i was a kid

Why wouldn't you listen
When I said I needed help?
[I had to learn how to do it all myself.]

Why were your priorities
Always them and never me?
[You never had time for me.]

Why did you speak over me
When I tried to tell you about my day?
[I needed you to hear me.]

Why did you let them
Walk all over me?
[I cried myself to sleep.]

Why did you blame me
When I walked away?
[I had to put myself first for once.]

Why was I your dependent
And not your child?
[I was a kid.]

#childhood #mentalhealth #abuse #reflection #negligence

Knives and Pens

CI Thomas Nov 2017

Knives and Pens

Long and skinny
Like a knife
The ink it bleeds
Leaves scars on the mind.

Pedestal

CI Thomas Aug 2020

Pedestal

You put me on a pedestal
Where everyone could see me.
You asked for a favour,
Then another and another.
"Don't let me down!"
You were joking,
But you're eyes adored me.
I couldn't fail,
I couldn't let you down,
I couldn't breathe.

I tried,
That's all I can say.

#failure #idleworship #pedestal #trying

Protest Signs

CI Thomas Jun 2020

Protest Signs

NO JUSTICE,
NO PEACE!
Please control the police.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH,
IT'S TIME TO GET TOUGH!
Can't you see
We've called your bluff?

WE DON'T WANT FORGIVENESS,
FOR THE COLOUR OF OUR SKIN!
Black isn't a sin.

SILENCE EQUALS VIOLENCE,
I STAND WITH YOU!
There's no time for patience
What will you do?

POLICE TERROR AND VIOLENCE
IS ALSO A VIRUS!
The hate you spread
Has only inspired us.

I'M NOT A THREAT
OR DID YOU FORGET?
When you knelt down
On my neck?

If you can afford to, please take time to spread the word and donate to any charities or funds supporting Black Lives Matter. It is important that we all stand together in this time of need and show the idiots running our countries how serious we are.

To all of those attending protests, don't forget to plan ahead with hand sanitiser, masks, thick clothing and comfortable shoes. Protect yourselves from COVID-19, rubber bullets and teargas.

#black #lives #matter #police #violence #blm #justice #peace #silence

Run, Stay, Escape, Go

CI Thomas Apr 2017

Run, Stay, Escape, Go

Run
I want to run
I'm sick and tired
Of everyone

Stay
I'll probably stay
I don't have the
Heart, strength, power

Escape
I can't escape
My head is clouded
With darkness

Go
I want to go
I don't know how
But I'll figure it out

scared

CI Thomas Nov 2020

scared

Scared of the dark
Scared of the light
Scared of the noise
Scared of the silence

Scared of feeling too much
Scared of not feeling enough
Scared of making friends
Scared of being alone

Scared of yes
Scared of no
Scared of hello
Scared of goodbye

Scared of would've been
Scared of should've been
Scared of could've been
Scared of never been

Scared of everything
Scared of nothing
Scared of always being scared
Scared of me

#scared #afraid #anxious

Smile

CI Thomas Dec 2017

Smile

SMILE

Smile
That's the key
A smile can save a life
If you're lucky
two or three

You might see
A person on the street
Head down
Shoulders slouched
Earphones in
Music loud

They're frowning
You smile
It's addictive
They smile

It gives us hope,
A smile from a stranger,
To know
some people still care
Because deep down
we all know

No one cares anymore.

#smile #care #music #sad

The Vows (I Remember You)

CI Thomas Mar 2021

The Vows (I Remember You)

I remember you
When you were four feet tall
And you kicked me in the shins
For pulling your piggy tails

I remember you
With your thick-rimmed glasses
And some senior girl pushed you around
And you tripped her in study hall

I remember you
On the senior trip to Vermont
And you got a cold
And I spent the whole trip inside with you

I remember you
On graduation day
And you were crying as you drove away
And I was crying as I watched

I remember you
When I walked into that meeting
And you were sitting there
And I made a fool of myself

I remember you
That second first night
And I felt dizzy when you kissed me
And you stayed for breakfast

I remember you
An hour ago
And you snuck into my room
Because we couldn't wait to see each other

#love #highschoolsweethearts #friends #wedding #vows #fallinginlove

twenty four hours

CI Thomas Apr 2020

twenty four hours

i want to lie in bed
with you
12 AM
legs tangled in the blankets
we don't need to speak

i want to sleep peacefully
curled into your side
1 AM
the wind whistles
we sleep on

i want to feel your breath
on my skin
2 AM
you whisper in my ear
every wish and every promise

i want you to wake me up
'let's go see the stars'
3 AM
under the blinking lights
you ask me to dance

i want you to tell me
all of your dreams
4 AM
you brush my hair back
'you're my dream'

i want you to come to me
when you can't sleep
5 AM
i won't promise you'll be okay
but i'll hold your hand

i want you to get up
to go for a run
6 AM
'come with me'
'no' i get up anyway

i want to shower
you climb in with me
7 AM
you wash me
i wash you

i want to eat breakfast with you
you cook and i watch
8 AM
you try to flip a pancake
it falls on the ground

i want to rush out the door
we got distracted
9 AM
i'm late for work
so are you

i want you to call me
when i'm at work
10 AM
'do you want to get lunch?'
we always do

i want to receive a message
'there's a delivery from you'
11 AM
you sent me roses
my favourite

i want to meet up
at the diner we always go to
12 PM
you're already there
sprawled out in our booth

i want you to convince me
to skip work with you
1 PM
'i have lots of work to do'
i call my manager

i want to eat ice cream on the pier
and watch the boats go by
2 PM
i smash your cone into your face
you tell me you love me

i want to go to the fair
you win me a teddy bear
3 PM
we ride the ferris wheel
you kiss me at the top

i want to ride bumper cars
'first hit buys dinner'
4 PM
i get you first
your car hits the wall

i want to walk in the ocean
our feet in the sand
5 PM
the sun is setting behind us
you push me in

i want to go to dinner with you
at a fancy restaurant
6 PM
you order my dinner
and laugh when i can't pronounce the dishes

i want to sit with you
no rush to leave
7 PM
you get down on one knee
i say yes

i want to rush home
your hands roaming my skin
8 PM
your hot breath on my neck
i can barely get the key in the door

i want you to make love to me
tender and warm, hot and sweaty
9 PM
your hands on my thighs
my fingers in your hair

i want to sit in front of the fireplace
your arms around me
10 PM
bowie belts from the record player
you sing softly to me

i want you to kiss me
like i'm always on your mind
11 PM
like i'm you're first and last breath
like you and me? we're forever

#love #time #forever #engagement

When The Birds Fall From The Sky

CI Thomas May 2020

When The Birds Fall From The Sky

What will we do
When the birds fall from the sky,
Their stomachs full of lids,
And beaks wrapped in bags?

What will we do
When the whales wash up,
Their bodies start to rot
And the bottles spill out?

Where will we be
When the wildfires burn,
Turning towns to ash
And the future to rubble?

Where will we be
When the trees are bare,
Turning forests to stumps
And no air to breathe?

Who will save us
When we go to war,
The bodies pile up
And the skies are stained yellow?

Who will save us
When we fall to disease,
We neglect our health
And we're naive to death?

#2020 #climate #change #plastic #animals #war #fires #pandemic

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