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Tori Schall Jan 2020
There is a delicate innocence
in a young season.
One where they are just beginning
untainted by the coming days and the rush
of all the things that must change.
Unburdened by the falling leaves, or the growth of flowers
or the fall of snow on a winter evening.

But as the seasons age, they lose that innocence.
Leaves no longer bear the vibrant colors of Autumn.
Spring no longer grows such beautiful flowers,
whose petals are so soft
like silk, or a lover's touch.
Winter brings forth harsh blizzards and ice that forces
everyone into hiding
as they wait out just one of many winter storms.
Summer brings forth days too hot to do anything,
drought and sunburn, heatstroke and general uncomfortableness.

As the seasons die, they give birth to the next season,
innocence born anew in a never-ending cycle
of naivety, then suffering, then the long waited for relief.
A season never stays, and you cannot follow it.
But at the same time, you know
that it will always come back to you in the end.

Seasons are much like humans, no?
We are born so delicate, full of an untainted fragility
that people swoon over
wanting for that innocence to never fade.
But as we grow, that innocence turns to
bitterness, greed, anxiety, and the wish
for the next season to come along and save them from this
the boring, monotonous day that never ends.
And as we grow even older, acceptance rolls around
and we begin to regret the things we never did in life.
But for some of us, the season ends far too soon.
and unlike the seasons, we can never come back.
Tori Schall Jan 2020
Everyone wants to connect
To carve their scars into one another
and never let them be forgotten
even after they fade from this world.

Everyone wants to be loved and to give love
The one who gave love
never had enough for themself
so they accepted the love from the other
in an endless cycle
of dependance.

Without connection, there is no love
and what is given out cannot be returned.
And then you run low on love
and then you run out.
And you can't get any of it back
ever again.
Tori Schall Jan 2020
Opinionated; selfish; greedy
lazy, too high strung; needy.
not girly enough, tomboy
well guess what, I never asked to be your toy.

"You'll never get anywhere with an attitude like that"
First off, *******, nobody asked for your input.
Trust issues won't let me love
anxiety won't let me sleep

leave me here to burn; the rage is a parasite
and I'm spitting fire at those who get too close to the light
But there's no light here, no it's buried deep inside
getting weaker by the day, a classic case of suicide

Maybe then you'll regret it because I know I sure have
The way you talk to me, but that's how it's always been.
You start the fight, only ending when one of us end up in tears
is this how a mother and daughter are supposed to act?

I've never known any different,
paranoia watching my back like it's **** or be killed.
though I guess it is; my mind tries to suffocate me in thoughts too deep.
I can't swim, not in the tar that invades my skull,
filling my nose and leaving a bitter aftertaste in my mouth.

I don't know how to vent, bottles filled with trapped darkness
swirling in vortexes that get stronger
until the bottle bursts in a dangerously beautiful explosion
that leaves my world spinning and my mind fragile like the shards
that I'm left to pick up all on my own.
even paranoia has deserted me.

instead, I am greeted by a friend named Depression,
who invites over Tired, and Anxious, and Apathetic,
Pathetic.
Is this how it's always gonna be?
No way to get help.
No way to release the demon inside me without consequence?

No help from the family who knows
the family who witnessed firsthand
the scars, the pain, the anger
the hurt.

I guess they're as shallow as I am empty.
Tori Schall Dec 2019
What is hatred
if not a feeling so strong it
rips apart the seams of love?

What is love
if not a feeling so strong
it can mend the broken pieces of a heart?

What am I
if not a girl with a dream
too large for her skull?
Tori Schall Dec 2019
Birds of a feather flock together
or at least that is what they tell you.
But have you ever seen a flock
of birds that are different?
I haven't,
so maybe they are lying.
Tori Schall Dec 2019
When the sky turns golden
with the colors of a setting sun
let all be beholden
before the night is done.

When the grass starts to wither
and the frost nips your nose
He bids you, "Come hither!"
or as the saying goes.

The clip-clop of hooves that trot
on a paved cobbled road
Onward you ride, but all for naught
teary-eyed, lines toed.

Racing forth to outrun disaster,
there's nothing now, not even laughter,
the darkness rains, He yells 'Faster!"
trying in vain to chase after.

The dust has settled
She's gone on ahead,
Oh how long she has battled,
with the demons in her head
Tori Schall Dec 2019
The human experience
is one that is a complex journey.
We must search for it.
Looking high and low,
near and far,
in the distant past,
in the ever-nearing future.
We never stop looking
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