They part to speak something I cannot hear.
As wandering minds find other senses I,
Notice the smell of cigarettes and try
To restrain thoughts of how you'd taste- like beer?
A pause of expectation sends a shock,
A smile will do, then go on to peruse,
That taunting bottom lip, I'd love to use,
As warmth for mine and what that might unlock.

Quickly compose my mind and converse back.
That drunken night falling for you, I thought,
That senses just don't matter now, they're blank.
Just me and you and feelings I once fought.
Two pairs of lips then touch, and I can't track,
Where one pair ends and where the other starts.

1.
I made my way through thin, cigarette trees
as I searched for, and simultaneously, lost myself.
The foliage coated the ground in different shades of gold,
soft earth's natural armour against my violent feet.

2.
I whispered like smoke, from some conscious place,
"where are you,

                       where are you?"

3.
I found the moon in wavering waters,
resembling a pale dinner plate.
The stars, its companions,
the table on which it was set.

4.
I looked for recognition in the eyes of my reflection,
the face was that of another woman.
One that did not flinch like an exposed nerve;
One that knew she was more like a grains of sand at her feet,
than the gravity around her.

I folded my tired self into her stillness,
knowing that I controlled nothing, and
finally rested.

Consumed by a life
    She couldn't handle anymore
          Ashamed by desires
       Too desperate to score
               It's just too addicting
   She wants nothing more
Watching everything she loves
            Walk out the door
    Finds money where she can
         But still living life poor
          Too smart to get too involved
     And too dumb to ignore it
             She don't even care
      They all call her a *****
Now thinking, as she sees the knife
           This isn't what she prepared for
    But with a little thought, she knows  
It's what she's always had in store
              As she lays, bleeding out
     On her ****** kitchen floor

I've built this wall around myself
To shield my heart from the pain
Like the caterpillar, I hide
Until I'm finally free to find
A love to fly with me in the rain

Sometimes, at the break of dawn
I contemplate where my life has gone
So many bad memories,
I'm not sure where I belong
Makes it difficult to move on.
'When did I become so withdrawn?
Is it even worth it to hang on?'

Sometimes, late at night
I contemplate suicide.
Nothing but bad dreams,
Keep me restless inside
Just a little thought in my mind:
*'What would happen to my life,
If I just left it all behind?'

I crawl on my knees
      Down to the deepest hole
 Forgot the remnants of my heart
        In a dark, dusky winter
                  Cold
         I'll die slowly and painfully
     If you fall apart
Pour out my soul
    Never remembering me
          Ghosts of lost loves
    Wasting away
            No one's caring
Somebody unfortunate
        Lonely
            Scary
                You