I placed myself second
Because I placed you first
Unconditional lasting love for you
My beautiful perpetual curse

I do not like who I was with you
Used to believe each lie you told
Put up with **** near anything
Long as I had your hand to hold

Staying by your side through Heaven and Hell
We struggled with your disease
Swear my pain was even greater than your own
Begged you to stop down on my knees

I asked how I could help you up
Held me and said "I don't know"
Promised with my hand on your chest
To never give up or let go

I won't let you know how deep it cut
To break the vow I strained to keep
How could I stay and watch us **** ourselves?
When I woke up and you were still asleep?

Sacrificed so much for you
Begging one time you'd realize
I CHOSE to walk behind your shapeless shadow
Knowing destination was destined to be my demise

I wish I had not of trusted you
The one that was not supposed to harm
Wish I could trap naivete
Before you held my foolish dreams in your arms

I long for joy I felt when we were new
As our corpses deteriorate
I am now aware of the hazard loving is
Your heart hangs on my happiness, a very heavy weight

I hope you have made
Good use of the pieces and
Parts you took from me

I am underneath this mask I've made
Down below the smile shown
World within is stony and dim
Think you know how it feels to be alone?

Take my place for a single day
You will realize your life is sweet
There's always effects from mistakes repeated
You have a house to ease your feet.

Breathe me slow, inhale my thoughts
Only I could invade your mind
Occupy another brain for a brief stay
Enough time to leave battles fought behind.

There is no escape from this pain
Don't know  what to say when friends ask
Continue to carry on like I'm okay
Hiding beneath my delicate careful mask.

When gone what will my days amount to?
I can be caring yet conceited
But always remained loyal and true,
I somehow ended up lonely and defeated.

I do not pray to a whimsical God,
When I sing I bow my head,
Stumble in a temple or church,
Cannot see the light, worship music instead.

Seems the thing I idolize,
The only solace I've found still innocent,
As I lose myself in the lyrics and bars,
Fear gives way to reassurance; heaven-sent.

In melodies shown the only safety I trust,
For notes and words will continue to resound,
Though miles away from the nearest pew
Headphones become an altar, sermon written in song's sound.