Bed ridden,
Cold,
And Barely breathing.

I await you to drift in,
Like turning leaves in autmun wind.
Chasing your shadow through the corners of my latency

Make me believe in fairies.

Dance me in violet haze 
twirl me with nymphs of woods everlasting  
let me prance my weaknesses down 
Through apath of serenities among orange speckled wild lilies 
Take me where I can breathe 
Besides these letters of make believe pages.

fragmented
you have an impeccable way to make me know im nothing
ive helped u
healed you
loved you
yet when i want you
youre too far away and busy thought we live in the same town.
for weeks your too busy for a message
yet at a drop of the hat you can drive miles
seeing someone you haven't known in years.
this petty existence isnt enough
for i know despite the fact you tell me you love me
i know am nothing but a fragment of the history of your use to be lovers.

My fear dwells in the darkest abyss I've come to know.
The grand trench,
to most is known as my works basement.
From the door beyond:
perpetual darkness blinds travelers whom dare roam in it's path.
The weak fend off the presumed Krueger like critters that scurry as you flail blindly for your weapon;
The clique light bulb hanging from a rusted chain.

These cold winter nights my friends,
I fend alone.
In the battle known as:
the night shift.

I fear to scribe you I must fight the presumed creatures of the cave alone for-
I've run out of froyo lids.

This epics protagonist however fears not:
Standing a a sky scraping 5"3 draped in the finest tye dye and yoga pants that can protect me from the harshest of demonry
(Except our bleach- which is apparently made out of acid from a comic book)

Of course I'm not scared...
It's not like you can't see your own nose in the decay that room brings.

As all great ventures go I put one foot in front of the other
down the spiral case that consumes your soul,
with every step with the cold harsh evil that is presumed to dwell in the unseen.
But...
There's no abyss...
Even worse?
Light?
**** there are actual things in here

Not from the bulb I've known but of the parts restricted.

"...FUUCK"
the light crashes
Wincing as it crawls to my feet
I squeak a small "hello..."
And the dweller of the cove advances with a Cheshire grin.
"Who are You?"
He puffs keeping the imaginary lines distance.
"Me? I'm the nights tender -how did YOU get back here?"
His roughness melts to a soft cheer as he's mouth uncoils laughing
" I own the building"
Tagging along in the light
I feel my cheeks grow warm
"Haha, oh well Hey nice to meet you"
Extending the torch to the dark
Timidly grabbing back,
across boundary lines.

Its been a lonely year
snow falls on another bright day
dusts death to the beauty of life.
nothing matters
frosted over
my reflection on sheets of ice
unable to recognize myself
thinking back when you use to make me feel like i use to walk on water
its just been such a lonely year.
if only i could take back the part of me
but now i cant find the words
im stuck
lost and dependent
on tender memories
dont tell me ill be fine
im hard and iced over
just waiting for my next good bye
with whatever left of me

So I've been finding myself thinking of you as I watch the clock
Tick
And tick
And tick
My goodnight buddy, 
Where have you gone?
I miss you the early morning we dont lay awake talking nonsense 
Speaking in hypotheticals 
We slowly gather each others intimacies  
You come to me at perfect times
Easing my lips to a smile
we engage in a joyful nothing
Until the next night that ends as dawn begins
that begins with you asking me to stay up again because you wish to fall asleep to my voice.
To my goodnight buddy 
I wish you sweet dreams.

~my spirit is boundless ~
                 you break me free of my chamber
   the limits I had due to old casings is none existent
                                simply because you make me happy.~

As I lay now
A burning coal melts
Through the center of my chest
While its sparks light my ribs on fire
And my head feels nothing
But the cool extinction.
my lungs fill with the toxicity.
I am looking for you.

I see we sit for tea again.
To be honest with you
I thought your visits had become
More natural.
As our plastic pink cups
Were replaced with China
I see now we've just have grown a more mature understanding.
You come as you like,
as I and others clean your dishes.
Only to come back to you
Pouring another cup of pennyroyal tea.
Each year
Three pasting now
you've poured from that ***
I surely thought you had to be done with that 8th serving.
The *** seems bigger every time
you pour
now you've taken the 9th.
You've over stayed your welcome.

Seeded in the earth;
Condemned to Hell.
Break free,
From were you dwell.
Dead limbs reach for the sky-
White clouds are alive.
Swirlling blissfully-
As angels cry.

Rooted in the ground;
Devil bound.
You seeked for Heaven
And all you found was Hell-.

Dry up quickly,
And pray to die.
Life is beautiful was a lie.

In a life of black and white,
She swears shes got colour.

In this prism,
She dances freely in her
kaleidoscopic
world.

I wish I could be free like that.

I don't get why you'd carve me like this
Ripping out my heart
Grasping it in you iron grip
Clasping the blood in a bursting vessel
Through a laced ribbon
Controlling my breathing as you will
Heaving dry tears
A nail pierces my eardrum
Deaf to my newfound reality
Stuffed with what's acceptable for me to obtain
My casing is alien
Feeling only the nauseating saliva;
clammy sweat rubbing between my fingers
Succumbing to the meaningless reality we hail

To  have life
you need to want it
as you want air
beneath the surface.

I don't know you
But I want you.
All of you.
I want to hear your voice
Speak warm laughters
I want your hands to
Trace my geography 
To have them laced in my hair
and lock my fingers
I want your gaze
To drown me
I want the bow of you lip
To see how they pout while listening 
I want you
All of you.

I let my fingers graze the mesh of my cage
as my flesh cuts form the rage of past patients delusions to "escape".

I am blessed with the whites of the crux moon
to swim in it's beams it streams
allowing me to live in my daydreams
of the pearls in the graveyard I overlook.

Here I sit in my windowsill
looming over reality
as madness roams the exterior of my walls.

Hell dwells in children's eyes.

Living.
   Breathing.
      Madness.

Share the love you have in your heart.
Being able to see the universes beauty,
Breathing,
Is all temporary and small
And maraculous.
You never know when the rug will be pulled from under you,
And never will you know how far the vibrations of your crashing will run
And who it will shake.
You never know who slips next.
Time waits for no one.
Appreciate the ones in your life .
Fear not to express your heart,
For it's all that matters.

*M.M

A thousand letters ago 
my declarations meant galaxies
Ink smudged constellations only
a nebula to your Globular cluster 
As time waned so did the layers of the universe 
After being rooted in the milky way 
I found andromeda
Knowing fated arms will intertwine
 I discovered that love was everlasting outside of those forced letters of an old province

Now and again
I let myself wander
In the words once forgot-
Reaching further than
Hearing Past voices
I strain to feel a phantom touch.
I no longer can feel the stroke of your hand on my bare shoulders,
And I can't hear your inflection
In moments once precious.
There's no soul left in those shriveled memories;
Just deformed faces.

Did you ruin me?
Or is this growing pains?
Was it all really black?
Or am I looking through rose colored lens?
I've yet to feel the light petals your presence brings that bounce on giggles.
Or where you even there?
Have you even peeked my way?
I've been yearning for your gaze.
Just. One. Glance.
Maybe I've known you growing too.
Perhaps you no longer giggle.
Perhaps you bask in solitude smirking at memories of your younger self.
Perhaps you're lavender.

Stapled on a string
I fly so high.
      
           *

Keeps me waiting for
the life,
When i wake up myself
from this surreal reality.

        *

Its just a dream.
Its all just a dream.

Curled by myside you purr
Wet careless lips dampen me tenderly
Resting on your head on my shoulder
Your contentment nestles
Cradling me from my sorrows

My head is floating anoungst the wave in open waters-

in the mornings
your lips taste bittersweet
lubricating my lips with premeditated longing
and cool passionate sorrows

Mind
boiling
     rapid
          compressed
       dumb

Heart
puckered
           dripping
        sublime

Body
vulnerable
              weak
             timid
       frail

GO AWAY

Sublime
Skin
    Slips 
Slowly 
Ascending to the
Abyss

My love is yours
My sweetest angel.
These morning I send my heart to you.
If only you knew that ever time
I said:
As you wish,
Sweet dreams,
Hello,
Your name...
Goodnight.
I said I love you.
In every vowel contains
The sweetest golden nectars
Of my dripping
Fervor.

I detest what you've made me become 
you ******* hate me 
I just don't understand why 
and I try 
oh do I ******* try 
but to communicate the recipient mustnt be a brick wall
A week ago you loved me
now I'm beneath your hellos however have enough energy to talk about me 
while I still can't fathom how I can't call you up about the thing I just saw that I knew would make you laugh 
the thought of that incapability handicaps me.
I don't even try to watch the same channels anymore because I know those situations where I'll lift myself from the couch only to collapse back down because you don't even want to see my number on your caller ID
I try not to but I cry. 
I cleanse my body from this pressure that has harden me from the inside out 
I feel so deeply I turned the feelings you've infected me with into water 
I begin to breathe 
To realize I can't feel
youve seen me and want none of it.

The heart is fatal.

My head is flooded
As I am drowned by doubt
Only to be drained from the lesions of poor decisions 
Why can't I bleed out

Please don't tell me I have a voice;
Living this way has left me with laryngitis.
I haven't a breath in me to make an exclamation pass as a whisper

Please don't say there is nothing to fear
For I've felt the cold tiles
over
     And
          over
catching me as I came crashing down
As you promised to catch me if I were to fall
And all that's left from that life was made by the curtesy of your ******* hand print.

...And the harsh reality is you're only as valuable as what you produce

***** and Violated
I lay willingly.
Naked, on the floor
drenched in the sweat
of past anxieties.
Breathing for the first time
without choking on a chafing inhale
of exacerbating suppression of my own entity.
i lay peeled.

Drafts of smoke from old flames
Never cease to be stale
With embedded memories

Love does not give flowers.
Love does not speak in
Poems,
Or rhymes.
Love is a sigh
That makes you whole.

Sweet child,
Where did you get your royal jewels?
The deep lavish purples and reds
that crown your wrists
and curl round slender grey fingers.

Sweet beautiful woman,
Reveal the secrets of your ever shrinking frame,
That your mane has grown far too large for

Your hollow eyes scream your travels
As you tell me,

" We've come far to be where we stand"

The waves that crashed you to me -
I'm sure are unfathomable.

In your delicate complexion
I see my old loves,
My sisters,
My brothers,
My friends.
Miss I'm not religious-
I'm praying for you tonight.

Phantom tickings of hours laid awake staring at white blank wall ,
You see u am not here,
I have been gone for what seems like forever
I don't know who Iam anymore
You have injected into me flowing through my veins like lead
I am weighed down 
Heavy heart 
clinging on to old memories like a child holding a mothers hand in a bussling city sidewalk 
I knew I'd loose myself without your guidance
Weighed down in bed 
I've realized how big my bed is how much youve consumed every inch of me
Raw and scratched 
inside out you've severed my vocal cords 
I can't even objectify to your injustice 
Youve crawled out 
And for some ******* reason I still sleep with your sweaters hoping that they'll start to smell like you
I smoke your brand of cigarettes hoping that you'll call before I OD 
I love you to the point where I hate you

Sunk in my heart. 
My souls depart.
Leaving the worst parts
 of me.
Like autumn leaves,
I am weathered, dead and shaking.
However you are still fooled by my Elastic meat casings.

Through my third eye
I know I am of the constellations
That burst
As the heavenly father dusted us
To existence
So here I stand 
For nothing
A sin
With two broken feet
And I swear I'd give anything
To give my life to another
If only I hadn't known about
The temptations awaiting
In a tree
So with every ounce of my spirit
would I never curse my worse enemy with my disease

Blood drips through clogged veins
Like molasses.
Breathing deeply,
I taste the sweetness of tar
Drowning my lungs
And solidifying muscles.

i know i am not perfect
my teeth are crooked
i've lost my sheen
i'm aware of all the dents that are me
i know i am not perfect
for i am a re-gifted prize
however a prize is a prize
even if not in your eyes

you've been sullied
when you smell the virginity of water.
feel it cleanse
yesterdays sorrows
drip carelessly down your neck
cooling your spine
and run away through the transparency of refreshing rains
down the drain
releasing you from yourself.

Since when was your body what defines you?

I've been so detached from this body
Since I can begin to remember-

I am not the free form freckles that crawl up these legs.

Nor the angles that form curves,
I am not this body.

This foreign object I reside in
I decorate.
I paint,
I cut,
I dress,
I hang my decorations;
To make windows.

Make windows,
To peek through thick walls.

Bathing in my own filth,
I feel the gravity of my own weight settle
As sins drain around me.
Leaving me wrinkled,
Dripping.
From the parts of me I'm unable to take.
Cleansed I am not.

Death must be so beautiful.
To lay softly underneath alively tree whilst green grass sway above ones head listening to timeless silence.
To have no yesterday,
and no worries of tomorrow.
To forget time
To forgive life
you are finally at peace.

No;
It's not the rhythmic thuds of a headboard,
Nor squeaks of well christened springs,
Sighing the night's discretions.

It's the strained veins glazed over red eyes
Seeing the clock strike 4 am.
Flushed in a solitary blue.

Home is your favorite coffee stain

i don't know weather time is dripping or running
but reality has woven a new life
the essences of it is ***** of green and purple
revealing everything is breathing and beautiful
as we age and die
from our lives of moments pass
we lay together in the tunnel of sanity
for reality becomes insanity.

I peel my skin back
To reveal my vulnerablity
Just to find my nature is to scab.
That's not life baby;
Life is that time in between
Before you fend off the alien
And dance with what you breathe out.

So it seems
Within the last 10 seconds
She's grew up.
The face of a woman
On a young girl.
Crows feet walk the rims of her eyes
Leaving delicate prints
Death of a child
Seems to be unnoted
At such a young age.

I rinse myself with a clam shell
in a bath of blood
Trying to find love on Venus

The dock weeps the song of the chilled waters;
Staining the air with stale salt and wetwood with every croak.

Street lights peer ominously
through brume that sits on the Earth.

My heart is a fist.
Mesmerized
Were the Captain went down with his ship.