I woke up to hear the beautiful sound of you chopping an onion for dinner
Except it wasn't you, but fleeting memories my mind was scrambling to conjure
Cause you died too soon and the aching pain still seeps out of my body

Two strangers, now together, what once was nothing, now whispered into stardust
Two lovers kissing, with deep intention, wholehearted conviction of this lust
Hearts connected, souls inflicted, infected with love, they know they lost
All sense for self preservation
They dance with wolves now, despite the cost

I never anticipated love to be the antidote,
but here you stand, healing what I thought would forever be broken

Lip ring touches my lips as we kiss and I am delving into a dangerous world
I cast my logical hesitation away
Knowing im in trouble, he is what you could imagine
Tall, muscular and no good for my feeble heart
With a smile so wonderful and charm quick and addicting
He could lure even the strongest girls
With luxurious bursts of passion and admiration, you are caught within a world of temptation
And my whimpers express that I want more, but I feel like the ending has been predicted
Where I walk a little too far into this enticing world and now when he leaves, I can't find my way out

I want to hide,
Somewhere tragedy can't find me
Somewhere I am free without responsibility
Where mental illness isn't draining
When I still have hope remaining
When every breath comes out with ease
This I am begging you please,
Just take me, I need time
To learn to breathe again

Could it be?
This frivolous game they indulged in,
Become nothing but a mere competition
With sickening intent,
Both striving for who could be more seperate
From the other
Two lovers, cast aside emotions
For a constant play
Of cat and mouse

As your lifeless body lay there,
Your soul is among angels,
Your spirit lives on in the people,
Who you gave memories to,
As your body layed there,
I gave you one last hug,
Your life will live in me,
And I will forever love you, mum.

Tell me truly, is it unruly to ruffle the feathers which once taught freedom
To desire distant lands, dismiss demands which are restricting
I was thinking, of adventures, purple skies and orange mountains
Happiness brimming like a fountain, fearless and fantastic
Restless feet ache to tread, upon sands tainted not by dread
Let these craving hearts keep searching and to never to settle like the rest

Your body feels like it is covered in butterflies,
Like every moment I touch it, could be fleeting
That you could disappear within seconds
Your presence feels misleading,

I am holding onto the clothesline of words,
You strung together, for me to hang my hopes on,
Wanting just to be strong, I smile
But who am I trying to convince...

We both know, I would be lost without my butterfly prince

You hear his howl and shiver
The beast lingers in wait
And though you try to evade him
You'll fall for his bait

Lover you asked me,
"How.... how much do you love me?"
Well, I would give every breath left in my body, just to make you happy
Self sacrifice
That's how much I love you

You look at me and see someone, who is just a bit nervous
Inside though I have organs attempting to commit suicide,
From this tormenting struggle of anxiety
I have legs aching to carry me away from the perceived threat
Of talking, or attempting to act normal
I have a heart that beats too fast, hands that shake too much, a mouth too dry
So when someone says hi
I am left staring, trying to conjure the confidence to reply
But all that occurs is the piercing silence, that shatters through my overactive brain

You've given me memories that linger, they leave a bitter taste in my mouth and everytime I swallow I am reminded of you.
You've left a sickly residue, placed flashbacks in my mind that spin me into a time I don't want to go back to.
I admit, for a while you filled a hole within me, but it was just temporary, your love was fleeting and unsure and your eyes were always searching for something more.
Because I didn't crave you nor did I dream of passion between us.
We did not share an inseparable love, there was no heat creeping into our cheeks making us blush, there was no lust fueled fire.
It was merely a steady and reliable warmth, something love could never be built off. I liked you for the warmth you gave me but nothing more.
So you need to release me, because I need the part of me that I left with you or maybe that you took from me.

I feel like my love for you is a weakness,
When I said my final goodbye, my heart beat...beat...beat and when yours no longer did, it tried to commit suicide
The only downside, it failed. It took irregular beats, trying to match my feet as I dragged myself away
My heart, beat....beat..beat, you told me to be brave
Your beautiful smile wide, assuring me it would be okay
I'm not saying you lied, but here I slouch, tear stained cheeks, my mind in disarray,
My heart, beats....beats........beats......
Well at least for today

You,
Quiet my demons, don't tell me how, I'm scared it's a magic trick
That with rumbling laughter you'll shout "And alakazam you're fixed"
And my demons will slide sickening claws against my chest, unimpressed and wanting revenge....
Against me
"Stupid girl" they say "Trusting so easily"
I hold on to the hope, it's not a trick but something my body is drawn to
To be truthful, around you its hard to keep defences up, my walls crumble in defeat
Your eyes seek out the trust left in me,
And I beg no eyes, don't reveal all and make me weak
Because what if this could all be a mere magic trick
"Ladies and gentleman.... and THAT is how quickly I can get a woman to open up to me"

Carnal craving, teeth bared, primal in this lovers dance, fueled by lust, we test our strength with limbs entangled, our body's ******
Shameless passion, untamed advances, towards this cliff edge we expertly unravel, this sin once dormant, how engulfing, we lend ourselves to this dark passion

They said "life isn't what you're given, but what you create"
But they didn't consider what life takes away
A possession, a feeling, a memory, a loved one
Don't feel bad if you falter, creating is difficult at times, when suddenly your world is changed
And you are left to cope with the pieces of what once was whole

They say,
"Oh but you seem happy... could you really have depression"?
Jeeze, my sincere apologies, I did not realize they made trenchcoats the shade of hopeless desperation
I should have shoes that count steps, to project my need to justify why I got out of bed

I must have forgotten to cover myself with war paint, to prove to outsiders my internal battle
But I will buy lots of velcro, so I can wear the words whispered and screamed by my depression late last night
Tell me, did you really believe I could show you by sight
The twisted demon that lives inside

It could be too late now, to fix what's broken
Or to aid what once was true
We have fallen victim to time and distance
Still my dreams chase after you
With what ifs and wild fantasies
That sooth but also mock
We abandoned each other
And invested in others
Broken apart with tick and tock  

I still cry over what I wanted
That you could not provide
I'm sure you wish that things were different
But with the changing of the tide
We fell apart, not strong enough
Took the easy road; said goodbye
Now too far apart
You're saved in my heart
For I hope, another time

Your screams stay silent, never heard,
Their thoughts are violent and absurd,
Your demons vicious, spitting venom
They whisper words of sick intentions
'Do not cry' they laugh with spite
'It could be time to say goodnight'
The darkness fills, you shut your eyes
And choke out one final goodbye

Let your heart soar to heights so frightening,
When you find logic restricting and tightning
To not let your mind argue your dreams, but wonder among beautiful possibilities
Let your legs carry you through testing storms
And your soul have faith when you feel torn
Let the bitterness fall, your happiness bloom
All of this I wish for you

Oh suicide thoughts, my daily companion
Tell me, when did we become so close?
I swear it wasn't long ago we argued
And I told you I didn't want you in my life
And so you left for a while
But now it seems you've forgiven me for the hate I hold towards you
And you soothingly whisper, like friends do
"It's okay to give up now, you tried your best"

If fluent English is something my dog possessed and could use I think she would say:
Sometimes my human starts breathing really fast, she slams her hands against the floor and she makes strange sad noises, I don't know what to do so I bring her my ball
Sometimes my human does not sleep at night, instead she stares at the ceiling, I hold myself close to her, so when she does fall asleep, I'm there
Sometimes my human gives me bones, a few of them I save for later
Sometimes my human comes home and does not speak to me, instead she stares at walls and sobs, I lick her feet and sometimes it makes her smile
Sometimes my human gives me tasty human food
On my birthday I get brightly colored parcels, there is paper I tear with my teeth and inside there is always something fun or tasty
Sometimes my human does not give me as much affection as I would like, but I love my human and she is mine
I used to have two humans, one has gone but I still remember her and I think my other human does too

You think I'm sweet, you think you're safe,
I am but a hurricane, ripping through each pore of your body, discovering things you wanted to keep locked away
I will push at your limits, until your resistance begins to fray and you are left a quivering mess of emotions
Your comfort zone will look like heaven, as each step you take into this darkness becomes as scary as your bedroom cupboard when you were a child
And now everytime someone asks you "are you okay?" the question will seem mild in comparison to my mental interrogations to find each point where an experience shaped you
Your happiness is great, but your crystal tears lure me and every miserable memory makes my heart beat in sympathy with your sobs
So I am not sweet and now you regret liking someone who is in love with poetry

I am tired now mum...
Before you died you promised I would be okay...
For you I have tried,
But without you here, not even perfect can satisfy my desire to make you proud

I wear breaking point like a gold star,
I have torn myself down so much,
That optimism feels like self indulgence

And after all this, I still feel like I have failed you

You swore that I could trust you, but it wasn't something I could hold
Promising your presence, and yet I walked a lonely road
Offering pieces of the puzzle, that were never quite enough
With one foot out the door, you said don't ask me for too much

You became complacent, considered us a guarantee
A half full kind of love, you saw as my remedy
The hero in your story, knowing you could tame me when you tried
Expecting I was gracious, you held your head up high

Now with hindsight in your corner and nostalgia a friend
You claim you've learned your lesson, your old self you do transcend
Though you're seeking recognition and praise for all your change
I sense that inside lurking, is a monster barely caged

There is an ache, like an earthquake,
that crashes through my heart
My body shakes with the pain of love
Because we're ripped apart
I wish I could hold you, until this earthquakes ends
But I'm left here grieving you,
While you look down from heaven

Time heals they say, so you must be every second, minute, hour
Tell me lover... how did you obtain this power?
Where a simple graze of your fingertips against me...
Makes each passing second last for eternity
And why, when I'm not with you, do I feel these hours are betraying me?
With you happiness is an aquirable virtue and you seal my wounds leaving me thinking....
Hello time, it's nice to finally meet you

He is drowing in liquor
Stumbling sick and bitter
Furious with feeling
He is leaking emotion
Trying to rescue his carelessness
He hurts and yearns
The bliss he had with solitude
Before love came along

Its alright ma, i only want to die a little bit
To feel like for that brief period of time i have wings
Or maybe a choice, that i could control my life
Even if that choice is the last one i make
Its okay ma, i just want to soar like you told me i could, instead of feeling like a sinking ship

Let me hold your heart within my hands
I crave every inch of ******, beating, scarred and wounded
I want this beautiful instrument of life, to sing it's sweet melancholy melody
To convey how cruel this life can be
I will absorb your painful memories, let you feel freedom which may taste bitter at first
So unload your hurt, I cannot take it from you
But promise to stand by your side, until you do

If her beauty was on the outside, maybe then she would be heard
If only someone would pause and truly observe
If only he rolled up his sleaves, his cuts would reveal all
If only they noticed, before more would fall
If only teens werent mocked for mental illness
If only this world wanted to notice
They would see shades not only of black and grey
But vibrant colors bleeding, bruised and begging for justice

grief, like a thief in the night i am awakened by your presence
sweat, tingling my skin, i am left quivering within
the night air puncturing my lungs steals my breath in exchange for a sickening sense
the nightmares run on replay within my head
a gut wrenching reminder you are no longer here
then nausea seeps into my pores, beckoning me to fall apart,
grief grips my heart, finding me an interesting experiment
loss laughs in my ear, my feeble attempts at piecing myself together makes it laugh
HA, HA, HA
but i don't find it funny and i am so tired

Are you a late assignment, or some money overdue
Because I need more time, don't care for deadlines, I want 100 years with you
I will get down on my knees to beg, I shall comply with all requests, I'm desperate for these seconds, there is no time for rest
I need more than a day or two, and it's not a year I seek
See with all the love I have for you, I need much more than petty weeks
So darling, this I ask of you, just stay with me for now and let now never end

Because I know when we are old, our weary eyes will meet
I will say, I tried my sweetheart but now I must accept defeat
For all this love I hold for you, can never truly be shown, there is no timeline for my love but I guess I should have known
But as our body's move on, know I have loved you every day and this love of mine shall live on still, it is one that will never fade

im falling like tomorrow's never coming,
im too careless and throw around my love,
i guess i should try to see into the distance
but you've given me nothing to go on.
im trying just to live like ive seen them live,
they remain perfect but i just try to be enough,
struggling through something i'll never fit in,
but with my unique imperfections i shall rise above.

With every swollen word of ****** promise
Whimpers escape my eager lips
My tongue craves our desperate kiss
My body tender with this
Our racing hearts with lust

There is a war within my head,
I stay in one spot,
Hoping the voices will go away,
Wanting them to stop fighting
It's deafening

If I was braver, I would tell him to stay, tell him to hold me
Because I can't bear anymore time away from him
But im not,
So I will tell him to leave

That first time he touched me, I could have screamed,
Demanding to know where he has been, or if fate forgot about our destiny, temporarily…
Because in that moment his hands were all I needed
and I had needed them for so very long, that affection… provided direction, for a soul who was wandering lost for what felt like eternity

When did the thought of death become more welcomed than the thought of life

I stare at his mesmerizing eyes
"You aren't going to see anything" he tells me
Little does he know I am seeing all that I need to

Lend me your heart,
So I can spend time,
Learning its stories,
And telling it mine

I shall fill it with love,
And give it protection
Show it to those,
Who don't have bad intentions

I will lend it to hope,
Who shall lend it faith,
It shall build dreams,
And wonderful taste

And I will return it,
Mostly... you see,
I got attached and
Saved a small piece for me

Gazing into your eyes, I feel addicted to these moments
Moments where petty time moves forward without our knowledge
Where words of devotion race through my mind
Words like: I will love you fiercely, use every atom and inch of me, to make sure you're happy

Moments of suspended reality, where the cold world heats up with golden light and I'm lost in your eyes and your skin against mine, makes my heart gain faith about the beauty of life

Where your tender words makes me realize that angels must exist, because how else could you be described?
Unfortunately time will once again make its presence known and I'm addicted to these moments, so please excuse me when I get worried because I want to be with you, not alone

Cancer
You took my mother from me, you *****, I will never forgive you for that
But now you want my brother too... firstly *******, you self entitled malignancy
He does not... or will ever belong to you

You may have taken one person from me but its time to level this twisted game you take so much sadistic pleasure from
It is time to show you where you belong, far from my ******* family

Terminally ill and fading away,
But let her live on, day after day
Suffering family, hearts slowly breaking
She is not there, her body grows vacant
But no to a sudden end they still argue
While I'm watching her dying, I question their virtue
She died suffering, my dreams remind me each night
Giving someone the repect to die, should be basic human right

Each step walking away from your lifeless body, will be the hardest steps I will ever have to take

When you were alive,
You told me to be brave,
But now I feel like a lost little girl
Trying to find you in a supermarket
Strangers keep asking me if I am ok
People tell me it will be alright
But all I want is you

Life laughs, "Oh little girl, were you not prepared for this, this war I will ****** upon you. By the time I am through, death will seem like a sweet and warm friend to run to".

How about I give up,
Here, have my hands to bind
I guess you've had enough,
Of me wasting 'precious time'
So I lower my defenses, let you in
I will stand in surrender and let you win

But my pride is not sacrificed,
I do not bow to your command,
You are nothing but a coward
I know you get out of hand

So my retaliation will simmer,
One day I'll get you back,
For your 'love' is now nothing but
But a malicious attack

Beautiful words and sickly sweet lies
You’re falling through darkness, he’s changing your mind
You’re filled with temptation and with nothing else left
He’s requesting your soul and your very last breath
Though unwise to make deals with the devilish kind
You hand in your contract, read over and signed
In return for this contract he has given you this
Some talent, some sin and a wonderful twist
Of fortune and fame, but know the devil is just
A mastery of trickery and he’ll show you just such
Good luck with your days, though now there a few
You should have known better, he’s now coming for you