if this kinda thing's supposed
to come from within

I haven't the slightest clue
where to begin

with all of swings of life
some connect with the chin

the concrete will become
comfort if you let it

there's no harm in loving
I must remember that thought

after all is said and done
it's nearly all that I've got

love sick, running fever
nose dripping with snot

the feeling of sun rays
I nearly forgot

I long to overcome this
sickness full force

father's of creation will
surely endorse

the reincarnation of
of what was once before

it can be from the ashes
a riveting sight

puts weight on your heart
nearly blinds the eye

that notion of vision, though,
won't satisfy

theres things that lay deeper
than vision in the mind

I want to share with you
a whole happy fool

that waits up past sane
hour thinking of you

I'm neurotic and terrified,
brain all askew

though I need only know
you think of me too

all I need to know
is you feel me too

all I want to know
is you want me with you

Grace
you have fallen

Grace
was once your name

your grace
was what transcended
the days in waves
sent to my brain

I hope that his feet
can move quick enough

to keep

up with the way
you floats
and sways

he'll need his
wit to hide
the self sabotage
balled up inside

controlling
corroding

i see it
though now i'm numb

It should have been
but never was
& now there's nothing
to be done
but let It wither
let It die
and be
scorched out in the sun

you can't
you can't
convince me, dear

that it's better outside
than it is in here

but i know how it goes

it's expected and accepted
to stare blankly into the eyes
of the horrors of the real world
with foolish resolve

and although i wasn't born a fool

more and
more each
day i'm a fool for you

but it's so cold outside

and thinking twice
is my favorite vice

but be patient; be mindful

because
i may only be making ripples
in your ocean

but you don't know
how heavy it is to throw
each and every stone

one can't hope
to measure a night

by the meager things in life

it has nothing to do
with what
you ate
or how good (you think)
you looked

the faces in the fray
the ones that stuck in your head
or

the miles you drove
or how drunk you got
or wanted to get

or if you ended up alone
at the end of it,
because in the city filled with lights
and laughters
and distractions & disasters

you know that you always end up alone

but
it's measured by

whether or not
you can count the stars on your fingers

librarian type
who feels with the mind

with a thirst for knowledge
her eye on pleasure
starved for romance
and desperate for depth

you never stop reading

your passion is your work
and you work with passion

you don't stop reading
but the void doesn't fill

but the day will come
for worse or better
that you find me

like a book long forgotten

riddled with dust that
covers the complexities
but familiar to the touch

my soul, my words bare
yearning for the feeling
of your fingers on the pages

heart in the abstract

waiting to be the warmth
that holds you
the voice that quiets the others

waiting to be dissected
and understood

i wait to be with you

you started learning
who i really am

that's how i know i'll
never see you again

overcast skies, things
get cloudy sometime
as you wiped counter & dish
and the disdain from my eye

womanly, inviting
incredibly exciting to see
you do what comes
naturally as you be

I'm a dog on a leash
without a bone or
a home, all that I've known
has long been outgrown

by those who have lived
by those who have died
to those who have given
& all of us who have lied

the sun and the moon
nature and worldly things
the supernatural, even
the pleasure that stings

but it all comes together
in sickened passing glance
it is brushes of body
in mirrored stance

I am losing will
with considerable force
but I'm feeling so many
different things

this is to be human
this is to be three dimensional
this is to be
this is to be nothing at all

nighttime still embraces me
while I wipe the thinking
from my eyes
& it is not what I want
it's not the arms of the one I long for

Nor is it the feeling found in
the pit of my stomach that I
once had lost for so long-
slight naïveté, mostly hopeful
but extremely unfamiliar

if this isn't nausea it must
be unrelenting infatuation

my bones shutter while I walk
and my head is ringing

you were with me last night
more than you know,
the hand that guided bottle to
my mouth I could feel you
there, I drank with you draped about me

but the more I drank, the more
wise I became
it was not you at all
but the propagation
of fears and feelings you induce

I swear your scent was in the air, though

I still drink for you, dear
it's a sweet poison and it brings
me closer to you

this morning is gloomy in
the wake of wanting you more&more

i finally found use
for those memories of you

the other night,
hunched over the toilet bowl
stuck in a struggle between
keeping it down
and letting it erupt

one of those situations of
soul searching
of
"side-weighing", if you will

in a moment of weakness
familiar laughter,
a chilling touch,
and a striking scent fluttered to mind

and with wrath it purged into porcelain

tucked in by a flush
followed then by peace

mind finally at hush
maybe now will come sleep

you smell of flowers
and the thought of your touch
has me running
and running
and running

through the field of them

they grow for you
they grow because
you wake up in the morning

they bloom because you breathe,
you sigh
your heart beats
and they open up with relief
because you are here

you exist

you make me feel
so wonderful
so very
wonderfully minuscule

in sadness
i am happy
because in that feeling
i am real

and real
is how
i long
for you

i've realized that as you're growing up,
you don't overcome anything at all

you start to make compartmentalization
into an artform, existing all its own

nana gave me cash
for gas

bless her heart

& I still spent half
on Pabst

I feel for you, dear friend
you walk a path I cannot follow

but my thoughts and love
are with you, from wherever

however whenever at whichever
time of day, you know, you see

it's hard to watch you dissolve as
such but you were meant to be

a spectacle, some sort of being
not fit to be contained in any

dull drab human form or
regular routine of any kind

I ramble, dear friend, as you did
words flow a certain way for us

and we'll wander as such, as
flowing rivers do how they will

onward forth without a wince
or something similar enough to it

my thoughts are with you, stay
humble and true to yourself

and let things be, we both know
we're powerless to help

my heart is with you, but where
you're headed I can't follow

and I hope there will be shelter
from the storm that will befall you

fiery
hardly
contained
by the body

that I see
swaying
and preying
upon me

a familiar
situation
as is your
demeanor

And against all
second thought
I dream
between her

but when she's
gone by daw

the liquor will
still be there

spinning with
the room

erasing
her stare

Sweet wind
sweet sweet music
coating the sun
rays

and good vibes
vibrate

Vibrant scenery
emanates

Endless elegance
and cunning grace

She looks ravishing,
really,
you would have never guessed
she was a mother

She had on her finest dress,
it fell pleasantly short of the mark
She was showing me the goods
the best of the best

The legs, the hips
the face and chest

I've always had a thing for Nature

after a night spent tossing
& turning,
sleeplessly overheating
& burning
i wake now to you
seeping through the open window

enveloping my body
caressing my skin

implanting the dire
hunger within

it all feels so out of place
but you-
this electrifying cold-
have found home with
me here, in
the room of the misfit,
as he once more strains
to open his eyes and
absorb the external

don't leave me, there's
no reason we ever have
to leave this bed again

our story is written
in the stars
clearly and beautifully

there's no reason to
leave this bed again

are you lonely in the winter nights?
do you hallucinate warm body near?
is there a tender hand to still your
shaking when you do succumb to fear?

you seem to be pure of heart
or whatever else that could mean
you sing songs and make your art
of waterfalls and sunbeams

i truly hope there are mirrored souls
on similar wavelengths
to harmonize with you when you sing
and to help you mix your paints

Meticulous, magnificent
Hurled into hell
Though heaven sent

Shadow for a face, undefined,
Sorrowful contours &
Shading under the eyes

Knowing little to none
Of biological purpose
Depression worn on the sleeve
Feeling less than worthless

There was no attempt in hiding
The bad feelings residing
Beneath the surface, and
Those scars they're outlining

Opened your heart and your head
To a nation sick in bed
With a spiteful spurning
Of shallow pleasantries

Decades before me, your
Troubles finally ended
But they permeate onward
In me they're resurrected

If I could only console you
Touch you or hug you
Sing songs in sadness
Deflect the rain from above you

I'd mediate the relationship
You've since had with the Sun
And reconcile the rejection
Of the Moon and her young

You've shocked and appalled
But your only crime
Was your humanity

I am a mourning soul
Thrown into the maelstrom
That warped your own

But I want you to know:
In the midst of these years
You aren't alone

Your blood runs through my veins

& in my heart you've found home

infatuation is such a
filthy thing, isn't it?

carpet ripped from underneath,
you get the wind knocked
out of you as your back hits the hard ground

staring blankly at the stars
that don't care enough to twinkle,
even the moon wouldn't pay you
a second glance

not even out of pity

self mutilation is
the realization

that I like you

transmuting gold back
into useless reagents

I like you

graduating from budding
to full-blown alcoholic

because I like you

you make a blue sky
turn gray

I like you

the sun won't ever
shine the same

it knows I like you

clouded clime
perpetual rain

chemical imbalance
impoverished brain

near insane
digging a grave

you
ruin
my day
because

I like you

a scent makes me
sick with memory
the sea
surrounds me
aural bliss
amidst what's amiss
pounding keys
i'm down on
weakened knees
tones twist
intertwined
fates mix
yours a mine
I will be fine
in due time
the sound
exemplifies
tonight
will be fine

beings around me
surrounding
astounding
fall short of
feeling like
what I once knew

I see beautiful faces
I feel shared laughter
presently palpable longing
intensely do I long

I wish to converse
cultivate
swap brain waves
levitate
mimicking the water

it crashes upon
the flashes of
smiles, teeth
of pearls,
slow connection
with slow hands
to pick the brain of
the flowers pretty
enough to pick

I want to be soothed
with this ocean view
by the voice of one who
moves with the moonlight

one who wears lunar grace
softly around the wrist

regardless
I'm wrapped around
fingertips

the idea of your silhouette
towering
enveloping
your hair raining
flowing
down
a sensation
skin on skin

sand between
toes between
souls under
starlight
brighter than
flares
warning, waning
throughout the night

yet it can't come to be
because like the very
sand I sit on
my insignificance is
exemplified
and
multiplied

a million grains of
what would be
deemed desirable
men
crash, drip and slip
through your
dainty hands

i'm cast about
from fingertips

I am the very grain of sand
recycled by being
sapped through experience of
unobtainable beauty

waves crash over me
clumped together with the rest
I am of one entity

waves continue
waves will carry me away

waves however misguided
waves will carry me back home