There are better ways
to wake a man up you know,
Green Eyes,
why shake the bed?

Use your head, baby
use your head

But I'm up, I'm up
definitely so

I made it through
another night;
these nights
go so slow

I find my window for escaping,
I'm out now, my heart is racing

I left her at home
conniving alone
but there is no safe
place to roam

before I know it,
she'll be at my side
Stress, your green eyes
I can't deny

I try and I try but
I'm helpless to resist her

I try to overcome,
I try to dismiss her

But I know
once again we'll go
arm and arm to
your room

reaching for the ceiling,
touching and feeling
heavy breathing soon leading
to my pending doom

And despite what I've said,
I'm soon on the bed
and she plunges down to
my center instead

Her green eyes are burning
holes in my forehead
Humbly a man &
soon I'll be dead

although it is my vice, at
least she took my advice:

that's using your head

in some sort of twisted way
i've missed having someone make me spit

that wondrous insignificance that comes
with letting somebody under your skin

every word out of their mouth an attack
& every action they take purposely meant to exclude you
to tease you
to please them
to watch you squirm

letting somebody in

it's even worse when they sneak through
a window
without you noticing

& then it's over

they tighten their grip
around your rationale
your compassion
your free will
and suddenly

everything is about them
and everything brings you to your knees
and you want to cry out
and scream

but you wouldn't want to disturb them

it's been a while since i've jumped through hoops

but light them on fire
suspend them over impossible heights
and foolishly my heart will guide me towards
doom grounded in absolute certainty

but fight
cry
struggle
laugh
dissect yourself
as her every breath magnifies every
insecurity you thought you had completely buried

yes
in some sick way
i've missed being made so sick with care

with worry
that i don't stand tall enough in the eyes of
some inconceivable creature

an inexorably important
omnipotent mind-numbing
force
in complete control

in short,
i am ******

i've missed being ******

never in my life,
Or in the span of the last few weeks

have I ever,
and yes I could go even further

felt so starved,
really I mean starved, vexed hunger

for some sort of notion,
reminder of a working heart and lungs

a feeling of substance,
something I search for fruitlessly

in a world that works,
in its subtle enigmatic ways

to alienate,
or provide an artificial basis for it

but that is so very beautiful,
and I think I really mean that

I want it and I want it now
I want the world at my throat
I want women and all
Other embodiments
Of all things beautiful
at either side of me

Adoring eyes, widened and excited
scanning in disbelief
waiting for the dream to end
because a dream so pure and good
will never last
and it doesn't and it won't
because it doesn't exist
to begin with

but a thought so pretty
forever forcing itself into existence

I want my dream to begin

I want these things to be my end

I'm the type of guy

who pees sitting down
when I'm a guest of
somebody's house

because

i may be a
drunkard but
it's not hard
to care about decency

I don't want to ***
all over the seat,
it happens all the time
when I'm this far gone

so I shamelessly
get comfortable
and relief soon
enough sweeps

also:
I automatically leave
the seat down, you see

that makes me
some kind
of a
gentleman, right?

still constantly trying
to find out if there is at all
more depth to
this mind of mine

this body
these fears
these vices

products of a
two dimensional way of life

the cause of constant
mortal strife

but I suppose if I
so
desperately want
to know

then there is hope for me yet

an ocean of being
that I float unconsciously above

driftwood that smiles

maybe there's hope for me yet

Clawing precious time;
Making sure your name's spelled right;
I think I love you.

I know that when
it comes down to it

I'll find you in every town

in every bar
in every museum

you'll order a drink
I don't come by too often

and I will compare you to
those you can't compare to

and you will win

I'll hear ocean waves when you breathe

I'll smell lust
freedom
adventure

I'll see the sun set in your hair

and you is a number
the number of those that make
me feel like you do

the limitless number of
uniquely lovable individuals

the creatures of dreams

the things that make hearts flutter
minds crumble and scream

but keep the mouth smiling

and the mind will think
only of those you(s)

because every one of them is lovable

every single one is everything

every one is YOU, specifically

everything after this will all be
you

and there's never been anything more beautiful than YOU

Temptress
Smooth-skinned devil

Siren
Sweet songstress of turmoil

You grabbed ahold
Of my soul
Long long ago

And your grip keeps tightening

The moon won't hide us
The stars won't save me

It's beautiful and frightening

black birds circling
you'll be dead by night

but you close in
showered by dim light

the way you sway
I'm willing prey

I'll die a thousand
deaths tonight

you're terrifying
you chill me to the bone

yet enchanting
more so than I've ever known

I long
for that slow
end
at your mercy

I dream
of the fall
at your claws

There was a feeling that found me
in the midst of focus fading
a shimmering within the sun rays
caressing then worn-out skin

something of acceptance
similar to fulfillment
resembling a happiness &
transcending physicality

companionship in the lack of it
whole souls acknowledging
sorrows, the ebb and flow
of the highs and lows

there was for a moment a stillness
a lack of all movement that
cradled the imagery of  
static serenity before me

and as they inevitably faded
there was some comfort in knowing
a part of me forever resides
in the clasp of such experience

A loneliness sought me out again
drunken stupor with tongue of silk
coerced me willfully along
one very treacherous road

tender hand willingly reached
for one poor in spirit
the shackles of melancholy breached-
shattered- from the force of soft caress

in spite of the distance that loomed
there was closeness that bloomed
under the silver moonlight
audible in approving sighs

coalescence of energy, vibrant
colors spreading outward from
a heart and mind once so sure
that they'll only ever see grey

time within a memory
crystallized
and a spark to the kindling
within cold eyes

new warmth circulating
soon to create
a fire to cleanse
frostbitten exterior

but the forces of
nature will *****
out ambitious
flame impartially

and the feeling of fire
fades away with
the smoke, the memory
already one with the weather

&
Now what finds me is the storm

in the rain slouches
the silhouette
of a comfort so
soon now forgotten

the wind howls a name familiar
it carries with it the scent of a nightmare
sensation dances with the
the sting of near frozen air

I find a feeling not so foreign now
dragging me farther
out into
the wilderness

processing humbling
surroundings
i'm now left in
solitary wonder

where have I wandered?
how will I weather impending storm?

if I am long lost in unforgiving cold
will it then
be too late
when warmth finds me once more?

What went so wrong in your life, little rabbit?
why do my headlights beckon you so?

why do you long, long, little rabbit
to be swept violently undertow?

my heart goes out to you
i sigh
as the thought plays
behind my eyes

you furry little guys
coming home, beating wives
hating lives, thinking twice
living lies
you capsize

is that why
you want to leave it all behind?

life goes on, bunny buddy
take that to heart and grow

my night filled with swerving
and shaking & braking
ends more than
your "right now" problems, *you know

just stay inside
we'll be alright
as long as you just
keep quiet

your rational reasonings
darkening
what little
light they bring

why won't you just leave it be?

your words tear flesh
but

your lips look so tender
while you berate
&
taunt

your stare chills to the bone
but I'm convinced a twinkle
exists in that
stare somewhere

and that smile makes me more
weak in the knees than that frown,
but either way
I'm a willing victim

It would be okay if I
just despised you,
yet I drink to a
thorned rose-
I feel at home in
the depravity

I close my eyes and I
can't help but to think
about how you look
with your hair let down

the obvious tragedy
torment me torment me
light rain to torrent
puddle to sea
it lines up so
perfectly

these are just some
lines in place of those
I'd rather have led
up my nose
or is it lead?
oh well, who knows
there's sun draping
the flowers that grow

that is what should be
the focus now, those
flowers literally
let it resound
they reach pretty finger
into the ground
embrace the earth
let it resound

the goal is to rise far
above, the putrid petty
pushes and shoves
a pitying glance from
the woman you love
your pride, starved for
romance, worn like
a glove

it's reachable in some
context, though those
roads aren't
illuminated yet
but they lay still
tread-able and you
have able step
light your own way
illuminate yet

it's hard to convey
the meaning, of
this whole mess
feelings and things
I myself don't know
what good it brings
this whole mess
feelings and things

"a girl can dream"
you said
it's obscene
how badly I yearn
for you to be
separate from a screen

you're miles away,
miles and miles,
but you keep me up at night

dearest, this is more of nightmare
than a dream, I apologize

I'm spewing drunken stupor

but God ******,
you're not any less prettier

& I don't wish any less
to collapse those miles
upon the embrace
of us two when allowed

unfortunately, though,
the distance remains constant

and that distance
is constantly reminding
how much happier I could be
if you were here next to me

who knows what I mean
who knows what's you feel
but I'm telling you now
this yearning is real

there will be a chill in the
morning when I wake

in honor of you,
out in your winter state

you are art at work
in a wild world

I wait and wait
to experience you for real

your hair hanging over
over your face
I looked up at you
you were the sun
you were the moon
I saw stars in
your pretty complexion
galaxy swirls beneath
your eyelids

your tender hand
traces tender wound
it hurt but my heart
delighted, skipped,
there was no other
closeness such as that

the transition of body
temperature, tempering
unspoken songs
there is a care out there,
in the vast, beautiful
emptiness of space

it's all consuming and
I admire it so, it's omni-
present and powerful
the bandage is the
symbol, is the bond,
is the willingness to
heal, is the willingness
to grow stronger and
it can be nothing at all

it's still so wonderful

the connection is
the interaction is
the chain reaction
of all those things
so wonderful and
I want you to know
how wonderful
you really are

I can't get out of bed

my mind is overlapping
overextensions of the body

alert
lethargic
dream state zombie

fire flickers frequently
on pretty rocks next to me
liquid I'm consuming
forgetful
free
and dooming

wind chimes
chiming
ringing
off vibes
singing

lost time
finding
rebuked
meanings

underbite
teeth clenched tight

but I'm smiling
bigger than ever

clever weather
sending me
hurling towards
obscurities

a crying running nose

lights blinding to near pain

shielding myself under feeble covers

till life breathes within me once again

and it all has come to this
poor working girls of the world

lethargic
psuedo sensual
gyrations
to appease
sleepless
pigs

my money is your aim
the way you whisper in my ear

and wherever your hands have
been
your touch is still
feminine

no mind games
no third dates
no humoring of parents

& you get to see it all

but it still has its price

there's no hiding the scar
and now we all know what you've done

and while you try to
tease
and please
i'd ask you up from your knees

and give you all ones you wanted
if you promised to spend it on your son

That lamentation, as it was,
Heard for centuries above
Has told of the glory and the loss
Among the other needless costs

In it now I find a friend and foe
Here in the belly, the undertow,
The phantom crashes, deep bellows,
Fiery lights made palpable

A static tension in the air
Breeding pain, doubt and despair
Multiplies, exemplifies,
Heavy hearts and saddened eyes

But it's necessary for
Harboring coming downpour
Floods crashing through ***** streets
Wipe clean the mark of entitled feet

Rejuvenation in desolation

And when wandering your gardens
I stopped to appreciate every flower
You sang me along, flowers seemingly
Growing where you walked

Magnificence made my breathing heavy
I longed so very much to sing with you
But I could not breathe,
I could not make a sound

The rain is falling now
With arms full of tulips and the idea of you
I'm carried outside myself
By the scent still left in your wake

Intimacy in isolation

There is something to be gained
Sitting lonely in the rain

Wrapped within nature's grasp
Unifying present and past

I've now only in this weather
Visions of these gardens brought to wither

The vibrant mind of springtime
Knocked unconscious in the winter

Anywhere the sun leads you
The clouds are sure soon to follow

But you'll be far from daunted

There will be more gardening tomorrow

I've got chump change
in my bank account

and bad vibes brooding
in my brain

I'm somewhere in between
average and clinically insane

but when you look at
me like that I shiver and I shake

my heart my soul
my blood my bones are all
laid bare for you to break

I made you something pretty
The only way that I know how

And if only it could but a reflection
Of the beauty you emanate
The earth around would shine brighter than the sun
In the glory of your resplendence

I stabbed my emotions into computer keys

I projected my innermost desires onto a white screen

I shivered in repose as the world outside my window grew colder
And I warmed myself with your memory

I was foolish to think I could convey
The cathartic rush of my soul experiencing your own

There are no words for something so otherworldly
Something from the eternal
Something beyond all reason and limitation

I tried best I could to capture your essence
To crystallize all I'll know of you in poem

But there is no reconciliation with the impossible

That poem is gone and the introspection with it

I'll be the only one who knows how deeply I feel for you

There will never be a sufficient way to explain

It's almost redundant
When the needle breaks skin

Art creating art
Defined by hair tied-up
And a mastered craft

Deliberate movements
Of a wrist near broken
Through creative necessity

Many strive to create
Most feel obligated
To spread influence

But there is a something
Different, something strange
In the way one endures the pain

It takes to make
A canvas blank transform
Into something more

Only made tangible
By your will and your
Martyred time

There is something
Incredible
About redundancy

Witnessing art
Self-sufficient

The creative forces
In front of me

you tell me that it's hard
and the news falls soft
on deafened ears &
a hardened heart
brimming with fears

I know you will be missing
something, you don't have
to utter a word, no sound
needs to be made
the silence resounds
our essence will stay

I won't tell you it's hard
rivers flow no second-
thought, clouds will
neutralize the day, rain
falls drop by drop,
the wolf hunts
and kills its prey

I'll smile on the garden
where you planted
plenty pretty flowers
the same tender
hands that tended
to me in our hours
the way we swayed
the way you towered
over me and myself
shaking beside me,
I will remember you

nana gave me cash
for gas--bless her heart--and still
i spent half on Pabst

your arms wrapped around
his neck
i want your tender hands
at my throat

these things cause
gravity to befall me
while you, falling,
float and float

my stomach drops
differently today
not to be confused
with the way i drowned
sorrow these past days

that's a rumble all its
own, a problem I'll
address when the only
one that matters
right now is subdued

my stomach hurts
differently today
i don't feel spurned
i don't feel good
& i'm trying to learn
what it is exactly
you're teaching me

the experience does
nothing for me
but leave me empty
hollowed, vulnerable
what is it exactly
you're teaching me?

i know only of the way
that my stomach,
drowned in the sorrows of
past days, drops
a little
differently today
it hurts a little
differently today

the man you thought
you wanted is on the ground
and nearly dead

with thoughts of
empty promises still
racing through his head

his time was running
down in numbers to
a timely end

crawling over to the
gutter he'd sing the
name of long lost friends

the echo would rain
reality on the dreamland
he was in

set fire to the statue
of you he erected
in passionate sin

you asked me here
to let me bleed and
writhe upon the floor

I've since forgotten
all those petty things
I loved before

you implore me to
substitute the cold
air in the room

that now lies empty
of memory & it is
now set in with gloom

you need somewhere
to stow away your
sickness and grace

you want to feel like
the muse, flower
petals on your face

a work of art that must
be exposed in some
dangerous place

to juxtapose
all of those whom
love will not embrace

I know too well the
doom and gloom
conspiring with the moon

I feel fate now frowning
and the feeling
start to loom

& I'll never understand
the way you manage
to twist that knife

I'll bleed to death with
a sense of warmth deep
somewhere inside

I'll relieve that breath
of relief from the
torment in my mind

I'll be the awful thing
your soul needs
at this point in time

over 6 feet tall
but

tear me apart
and

you couldn't find backbone
with a magnifying glass

ask me how it makes me feel
and i'll probably tell you
what you
want to
hear

as i float lifless
across the room
shallow smile
from ear
to ear

weighed down by invisible things
crumbled under insignificance

chemically dependent
self-abasing

coalescing in
selflessness
and
self-destruction