you feel disgusted with yourself
but in the eyes of the concrete
you are viewed as wholly reborn
there is an uncomfortable beauty
in every shape of the pain you feel
and it's all you've known, you see
barbed-wire for that safety net
a heavy head filled near the brim
but a soul exists within that form
separate of the tormented skin
the scratching & clawing within
there is an eternal essence of all
being, there is flawed divinity in you
one must stop and really breathe it
you've survived your mind, brother
of mine, and that alone is no small
feat, there's fear all around and it's
always drawing near, but you can
continue onward, you can still live.
at the end of it all, when you return
to the universe, you can at least
have with you in those final moments,
complete unity and understanding.
you can view the grand precipice of
your being with full awareness,
and that is yours. you take that with
you as you cross over, into eternity
Sometimes when cranes circle overhead,
A person washes dishes with a circling hand.
Sometimes when a bear runs and catches a silvery prize,
A tennis player finds his perfect stride to the public's cries.
Sometimes when a brand new car is first driven out,
A bunch of new stars shed their cocoon.
Sometimes when green leaves blush with dawn of June,
A virgin overcomes her awkwardness and doubt.
Sometimes when it snows in Montreal or Edmonton,
The flakes floating down, calm,
That means that though the person has never known snow,
His mind's calm, as he sits under a palm,
And a lake in Vermont evens out to staring trees,
And a dragonfly's perched on reed, at her ease.
A leaf has fallen and a wind has blown
In Africa, and a famous man emits a final moan.
It's not quite synchronicity, it's much more:
It's perhaps meditation, an awesome whole;
It belies individual effort and control.
a low, low lonely boy
sitting at a desk, vices
laid out before him.
there are whispers from
the other room, he can
hear them but cannot
make out what they are
saying. the tones are
so one could assume the
worst. one is usually inclined
to only assume the worst.
pants around the ankles, heart
beat slowing from a near sprint
and the illusion of desire now
shattering and raining on the
dirty carpet around. the choked
sunlight, what's left of it, collapses
among the shards of fantasy.
a tray of chocolate covered almonds
which was filled with eager hands,
intent on gorging, sits half eaten before
the dim light of the screen
those same eager hands choked the
innocence of the day, slowly
and those same guilty hands now
hold the face of that lonely boy.
you bound me in despair
to your will and body bare
I decided that's all that
the choir is singing hallelujah, now.
my best isn't much but there's sweat on my brow. everything went wrong, everything goes wrong.
I'm in an irrational routine with these things. I write and sing and drive and act out of turn.
but there's something right about now
I like the sleepless nights
I feel free and alive
It's sweeter than bright
brighter than sweet
I feel I have a purpose
I feel in control of those
the one guiding the wheel
the one gripping the pen,
covered in ink and dirt
I embrace it with whatever
parts of me I can muster
I become a different person
but this nirvana will end soon
there are other people I am
required to be at times, and
that time is now upon me
it all could be so easy and
I think it's becoming easier
I need to stop writing and driving
the smile on your face
as the will of the other breaks
is a spectacle among them,
i'll tell you that much
how i long to be in the place
of such a lovely end,
buried in that feminine touch
overwhelmed by the pain
looking up at tatoos like
a landmark, this land is
marked and i can see you from
many miles away, now
i'm rushing to the grave with
it engraved in my brain,
i will keep the image as i go
such I fool, I am
it's hard to think about at times
I pulled into the parking lot
found the idea of you and
sped off like the fool I swore
to never be
you do this to me,
time and time again
but I think if I let myself
realize it, I'd realize I
missed you more than I
thought I never needed
you, dear. have mercy.
find compassion. release me.