"wiener" poems
(Warning: This poem has been de-activated on another site. You must be 18 yrs. old to read this; although we were only 15 then)
Way back then,
When we were
Post-pubescent
Boys,
We sat in a circle,
Not a **** ring,
And rhymed our things
Like this:
You make my **** rock;
You make my thing sing;
You make my **** stink;
You make my log throb;
You make my stick thick;
You make my chub rub;
You make my ******* long;
You make my stump jump;
You make my pole roll;
You make my wiener leaner;
You make my bone moan;
You make my man stand;
You make my limp primp;
You make my rod applaud;
You make my spear smear;
You make my peter sweeter;
You make my one eye cry.
And all in unison:
You make my hard on.
We'd continue with our lines,
Til the case was as empty
As our rhymes.
Them there days of simple joys,
Post pubescent
Boys with toys.
Jan 5, 2015
Jan 5, 2015 at 11:04 AM UTC
Oh cute little thing
I like your contour
you look pretty funny when you're cold
you get these lovely wrinkles
especially in the middle region
nearly dendritic
more like the cracks in the earth
and your satchel breathes on its own
like a brain if it had lungs for itself
but more like an amoebic celestial body squirming around in some primordial goop
I think that's pretty cool
you're a pink and brown mushroom emerging from a forest of black wiry moss
concentrated around you and
all growing in your direction
almost lifting you up and out
and then further away fading
the way the water gets clearer
above a sand bar
and then a great convergence
a crashing of two great waves
against each other
forming a wall of spindly tendrils
before the whirlpool
Oct 7, 2015
Oct 7, 2015 at 8:39 PM UTC
toaster strudel makes me doodle
eggo waffles feed my poodle
sriracha hot sauce makes my gut toss
taco salad tastes like farts.
smarty thinkers with big wieners
clear the way for bathroom cleaners
dangerous pokemon in the sky
teach me things like how to fly
supple ******* against my chest
your ****** is hard and so are the rest
eat this pear
munch with care
put those shorts on
watch me stare
take a bath in tasty grease
my wiener is small to say the least
now let's race inside this tub
we'll see who get's out first
should we get out?
Aug 20, 2014
Aug 20, 2014 at 9:04 PM UTC
Verbosity
A patchwork quilt that I roll roll up in
Stitched with syllables
Like a little phonetic sausage
So deep inside you can't hear me go
Dur dur dur.
(insert self-deprecating quip about being a wiener)
laughing track
But it's cozy and neat.
And if you do
I'll rubix cube your dearest mind
Til I'm tucked deep inside once again.
And I'll softly pontificate about the genetic code
and how it made your irises not quite hazel
But still able to illuminate spontaneously
teal, laurel, cyan, the sea
And if you'll pardon my hyperboles
They draw me strong as an Atlantic tide
This ocean that ***** me the deepest inside
Aesthetically, the contrast is startling to your skin
An artist would capture the portrait therein
But really, all you need to know
Is they're the prettiest
prettiest ******* eyes
I've ever seen.
And I'm sorry
That when I get nervous
My heart is a little effervescent
My words become too efflorescent
(I seek not to strangle you with King's English Shrubberies!)
As you stand before me, incandescent
My dread is that you're
Evanescent.
...
But that thing about your eyes.
All you need to know.
That thing about your eyes,
Not to mince words
But I think
I'll feel that way always.
Jan 5, 2012
Jan 5, 2012 at 8:27 PM UTC
He found himself with painted walls, fish tanks, and a wiener dog. A place to sleep, a place to eat, a fine couch to rest his feet. A barbecue that was sturdy and new, a fridge of craft beer the finest of brew. But aside all the comforts and things on the walls the one thing that was most comforting of all, was a little blonde who would follow him around, who turned him right-side up when he was upside down. A girl who was worried about only him; and tried everything to set him free. Free of a troubled mind that could not find the time for anyone but him. No matter her struggle, her talks, or her love, he would not cave to all the above. It came to the point where she had to go, she'd lost the person she loved the most. She left in a blink with her head in the fog, taking the pictures, fish tanks, and the wiener dog. The girl that knew him oh so well could not save him from an imprisoned hell. The self-inflected wound that would not mend; but conform as the standard of life he led. A blank canvas is all that he knew, no pictures on the walls, no new barbecue. No more snoring at night or meeting for fun, this fairy tale was finally done. It passed so fast and looking back was it worth it for where he's at? Is this the place where he should be? Two job's, school, and a shattered dream. She was his love, his hope, his home, and now it's just him all alone.
Mar 4, 2013
Mar 4, 2013 at 4:11 PM UTC
.
****
**** *****
Wiener Pecker U
nit ***** Piece T
ool Thing Shaft
Member Doink
er ***** Cack C
hour Chub Pud
******* Wanki
W a n g D ing
a ling Ding Don
g Kielbasa Brat
worst Meat Pop
sicle Meat ther
mometer Bolog
ny pony Salami
Sausage Tube
steak ****** P
orkSword Nood
le Banana Corn
dog Magic wan
d Staff Divine R
od Love muscle
Third leg Tonsi
l tickler Power
drill Jack hamm
er Wedding tac
kle Bat Club Rod
Pole Joystick Ja
ck-in-the-box S
kin flute D-trai
n Mr . Happy B
a ld - headed yo
gurt slinger Lon
g **** Silver Ji
my Johnson Kn
ob Captain Win
ky One eyed W
illy One eyed M
onster Peter On
e eyed trouser
snake The Sala
mander Horse
**** Lincoln lo
g Tootsie Roll F
Lesh trombone
Meat stick Meat
whistle Dobber
Wanger Woody
Shake weight T
iffy Frank and
the beans Ch o
a d t h e dirty
wise man *****
Harry nut cann
on Flesh flute
Satan's clarinet
Sexophone Th e Mayflower ( on
account of all the Puritans who came
on it ) The Wea p o n of A s s
destruction junk mail
Oct 28, 2014
Oct 28, 2014 at 1:37 PM UTC
Neener, neener, neener
Your daddy is a wiener
A peener, a geener
A ***** magaziner.
Nanny, nanny boo boo
Stick your head in doo doo
Your granny has got put in jail
For practicing at voodoo.
Olly Olly Oxen Fee
I see you, you can’t see me.
I am smart, you are not.
Just how stupid can you be?
Waka, waka, waka
You look like an alpaca
Your mama should have taken you
And stuffed you in a locker.
Zimmy, zimmy, zim
Your luck is getting slim.
Bad Luck Billy says you’re
You’re almost bad as him.
Hardy hardy har
You think you are a star
But an extra in a walk-on role
Is what you really are.
Clunkety clunk clunk
Your dreamboat has sunk
You think you smell like roses
But it’s more like a skunk.
Sniggley, sniggley snurt
The truth is bound to hurt
You invested in yourself
And then you lost your shirt.
Jun 6, 2015
Jun 6, 2015 at 5:04 PM UTC
Right now, I want to
headbutt you in the wiener,
smile, and walk away.
Jun 18, 2014
Jun 18, 2014 at 10:01 PM UTC
Selfish clam
gives no damns.
Angry wiener
is not a winner.
Bad ***
All ***
No ***
Good ***
Drunken folly,
me so solly.
Moaning rapture.
Fluids capture.
Right ***
Old ***
New ***
Wrong ***
Did you know that if you have one ball bigger than the other it is hard to eloquently pull of a bullfrog with your sack?
I'm coming
I'm coming
I'm coming
I'm coming
I'm coming
I'm coming
Sep 18, 2013
Sep 18, 2013 at 10:05 AM UTC
I must beg your forgiveness up front for this verse.
I don't want to be ****** or rude or perverse,
but all over the world, things are going oh so wrong,
and it's due, in large part, to the President's ****
Some leaders have brains and they lead with their mind.
Some lead from the heart and are thoughtful and kind.
But President Trump, he shall reign and shall rule.
Being led from below by his shriveled old tool.
You can tell by the way that Trump likes to abuse
women like they are objects to conquer and use.
Trump surely likes weapons, strongmen and dictators.
Trump labels all challengers liars and haters.
It is this sort of strutting, denial and attacking
that comes from a man who is seriously lacking
in confidence and a true manly demeanor,
and to compensate, Trump is obsessed with his wiener!
Now, I don't want to ridicule, criticize, heckle
the importance and worth of every man's schmekel,
but it's rather perverse and off base and quite sick,
when you turn off your brain and just follow your ****
It just makes Trump so subject to manipulations
when he's flattered and aided by unfriendly nations.
Through his payoffs to hide his betrayals and ******
Trump's Johnson has led him to such Stormy seas!
When he calls out Bill Clinton for his cheating ways,
the hypocrisy never shall cease to amaze!
All the cover-ups prove him a liar and a fake -
A pathetic, small slave to his small trouser snake.
Now I hope in your heart some forgiveness you'll find
for me planting these images into your mind.
And let us all hope that it will not be long
'til the world's ruled no more by the President's ****
Mar 18, 2018
Mar 18, 2018 at 7:24 PM UTC
Idiot Man goes to Washington
well I need to come up with a brand new plan
I'm sure there are many more lives I can *****
gosh I bet you I can be a congressman
I mean after all I have no clue
yeah I'll strut my strut and pretend to be concerned
act like I have the people's best interest at heart
I'll argue with the others like they have learned
instead of doing right I'll pick my nose and ****
so round and around and around it goes
every four years the people try making a change
replacing the current Heckle and Jeckle crows
with new wiener shakers just as strange
so after four years of wasting everyone's time
what should I think up next
I mean after all I am Idiot Man
maybe send a picture of my **** with text
David Nelson ....
Aug 14, 2011
Aug 14, 2011 at 6:28 PM UTC
Daddy: I did not know you well/except for the suits you wore
they were always well tailored in the color blue
would it be okay if I told you how much I miss you...?
You always smelled of Black Jack gum
I remember running up to you
when you came home sometimes you smelled of ***
n' I was barely four
but I remember uttering the words, "gum-gum"
Daddy, I loved you so much...
why did you have to leave/why did we lose touch?
I loved the letters you used to send
when I left for college
I thought my life would end...
but you wrote humorous lines
about long dog your wiener schnitzel pet...
you always made up stories about some guy named "Chet"
I'm so sorry I didn't get to say goodbye--
I wished and wished...
the day I found out you had died...
it was a bad joke/a terrible lie...
I love you Daddy...if you can hear me up there
I hope Tigger n' Lion's are fly'n everywhere
just like the stories you told me every night...
before you tucked me in bed with my baby bear...
n' you brushed my hair...
you always said, "Papa loves you...
Tiger, you sleep tight...
now you just go...
n' let your dreams take flight"
Jul 30, 2014
Jul 30, 2014 at 7:38 AM UTC
It pains me to say that my ***** is only half an inch long.
It's extremely embarrassing because I have a tiny *******
I never use urinals while out in public, I only use stalls.
I can not let other men know that my ***** is so small.
I got so mad at my ex-wife that I wanted to beat her.
She was going to tell my friends and co-workers about my tiny peter.
I said if she exposed me, I'd expose her baldness and that she wears a wig.
My ex-wife had our marriage annulled because my wiener isn't very big.
Women say that ***** size isn't important to them but it's more important than they admit.
A blind date started making fun of my tiny wiener so I started making fun of her tiny ****
When it comes to being successful with women, I don't have a chance.
If you have a small **** don't let anybody see it, keep it in your pants.
Mar 15, 2019
Mar 15, 2019 at 8:40 PM UTC
“*So you ****** up,*”
he spoke up. He shrugged as if it were no big
deal, but really it was; it was a huge deal.
“No big deal,”
his face betrayed his tone.
“Uhm? No- really it is, it’s a huge deal,”
I protested.
“Okay, bud, take a breath…”
He threw me a sheepish smile
That I pathetically fumbled.
“‘Take a breath’?”
I echoed with a scoff.
“‘Take a breath’?!”
I grabbed a hand full of my hair with each arm and squatted on the concrete.
“First you said ‘the worst she can say is: no’;
and now you tell me to ‘take a breath’?”
I tucked my head between my knees
and stared at the white paint
that had begun to fade off the parking lot.
“Well, yeah. I, you know,”
he chuckled.
I was certain he was doing that stupid thing,
where he scratched the back of his neck,
even if I couldn’t see it.
“No,”
I groaned,
“You don’t know.”
“Okay, this is embarrassing… Get the hell up,” he crouched down and yanked us both up by my wrists.
“Is everything you say a lie?”
I took a long and dramatic drag on the word “lie”,
pulling my arms away from his grasp.
“So she called you a b#tchless, d#ckless, f#ggot *who would die such a big ****** that your* wiener would invert at even the
slightest touch of a woman,
no big deal,”
he repeated once more.
All he got in response was another groan.
He leaned against his Toyota before trying to remedy the situation,
“I mean, you know, who hasn’t been called a-”
“I really don’t need to hear you to say it again.”
He chuckled and scratched the back of his head. “Right, sorry. Probably not helping, huh?”
“Yeah, no.”
For some reason,
this kid just did not know when to
shut up.
“Well, I, you know there are plenty of other fish in the sea, right?”
“Yeah, but no angel fish wants to go out with a sea urchin!”
I gestured to myself before pressing my stomach against his car.
We’d been at school far too long after the bell.
I was sure some of the teachers suspected we were doing crack,
or something.
“I,”
he started, looking to me at his side.
He stepped off his car and
opened the passenger side door for me.
“Then, I guess you just gotta find
another sea urchin.”
Feb 13, 2025
Feb 13, 2025 at 12:52 AM UTC
Twice or thrice
at 7 or 8,
me and the neighborhood gang,
discovered that head feels great.
So, we would all hang,
behind a propped up, parallel
wire frame mattress,
against a stone wall
in the alley.
And,
convince the younger,
more impressionable
eager to please,
to get down, on their
knees.
Until one day,
Joey told us all, this
was gay.
And,
then I was called a ******
when I asked to have,
my wiener ******
out of bad habit.
I've been a bit perplexed
by ***
ever since.
Dec 7, 2015
Dec 7, 2015 at 9:04 AM UTC
wiener blut wiener blut,
berlin bulle blut berlin bulle
aß:
fehler koscher für ein bär aß als bulle:
schweinestall politik.
Oct 14, 2015
Oct 14, 2015 at 9:51 PM UTC
Little tail
wiggling and wabbling
about
small but not quite
no doubt.
Jul 25, 2017
Jul 25, 2017 at 12:46 AM UTC
Roses are red,
**** is greener,
i think about u wen i touch my wiener
People are funny
Mar 6, 2015
Mar 6, 2015 at 10:57 AM UTC
You broke my heart when you stole and used my bride.
She ran off with you and I'm going to take it out of your hide.
I'm going to knock out your teeth when I give you a beating.
You will have to gum your food to be able to continue eating.
You soon dumped my wife because to you, she was just a ***** call.
I just punched you in the face and it gives me pleasure to see you fall.
You just got up off the floor but I just knocked you down again.
My wife meant nothing to you, you give a bad name to men.
You told her that you loved her but you lied.
She was so upset that she committed suicide.
Convincing her to leave me was mean but using her was meaner.
I just pulled out my 44 Magnum pistol and blew off your wiener.
I can't let you continue to be a **** I can't allow that at all.
I have made sure that my late wife will be your last ***** call.
Sep 16, 2018
Sep 16, 2018 at 4:28 PM UTC
My neighbors baby talk to their wiener dog.
"Come on girl! Make *****
Come on. I love you. Make *****
Hey, come on, make ***** for daddy.
Good girl. Thats' a good *****
Get it all out.
You're so good. I love you.
Oooooo who made ***** You did."
They do it right outside my window and it sounds like they're in the room with me.
It's my bathroom window.
I'M NOT YOUR ******* GOOD GIRL I'M A GROWN *** MAN TRYING TO TAKE A ****
Jul 21, 2019
Jul 21, 2019 at 4:39 AM UTC
What if I told you
I wanted you
to taste my wiener?
What if I said
you could be
my **** housemaid, cleaner?
What if I intoned
in no uncertain terms
vices, all, just misdemeanors?
What if we
just played a **** game
and met, in Pasdena?
Oct 26, 2017
Oct 26, 2017 at 4:57 PM UTC
Shoes are meant for chewing
Glue is meant for painting
Tents are made for *******
And you're about to learn it.
I lean across your body
I grab you from the *****
You seize my **** for *******
And bite it off for cooking.
Yes, my crotch is bleeding
Yes, i'm loud and screaming
Yes i see this ***** be smiling
And she's likely gona **** me.
You stab me once
You stab me twice
Slice, slice, slice
Add some spices
And that's how you deal with *** predators.
Feb 10, 2018
Feb 10, 2018 at 7:23 AM UTC