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Silver Heinsaar Jan 2019
Do you ever feel that the world is straight and boring
That there's nothing even remotely interesting to do
And don't tell me to explore something new
Unless you're thinking bigger, like ******
But not just simple killing, try talking
Some people out there require a little push
No need to rush because the longer it takes the better it tastes.

Yet now it's rather quiet, guess i really loved her
So i sit in my endless routine, watching others around me being happy
And it's a bitter feeling not having a part of it but if words can save a life
Then with silence i'm doing my part.
Silver Heinsaar Sep 2018
She came to my dreams with a marriage proposal
We haven't seen eachother for a decade
Showed me videos from the past
Memories of our friendship
But in every clip it wasn't me
She had pasted my face on top of another
I was in awe that i couldn't remember
Cause at the moment it seemed to be real.
We went out for a talk
Instead she was typing
And before i could reply she had wandered off
The streets were empty, nowhere to be found
Not in my phone
Her name nor a number
Even the text i received had disappeared
So i woke from my dream
Wondering what it all could mean.
Silver Heinsaar Aug 2018
Whenever i think back to those days i could hold your hand
That warm and gentle grip which pulled me away
You set my mind at peace, i've never felt as ease
It's when i learned what love really is.

When my dad fell sick i had to stay with him
The distance between you and me grew gradually
We moved from town to town, looking for a better help
But in the end they couldn't find a cure.

Guess i didn't mean much to you
Seeing how you got together with another dude
I know it's been a year but all that time what kept me going
Was the thought of two of us.

And now i'm torn apart.

I'm bored of women, a bottle of whiskey is more to my interest
Here's a letter, some kind of invitation to a wedding
And what's even better, it's delivered by none other than the **** who ****** my brother while i was busy taking care of our father.

I'm glad she came, us siblings have been taught fair play
An act of sharing that equals caring
So dear brother, i've returned your letter
She's now correctly divided.
Silver Heinsaar Aug 2018
Enter memo
Enter memories
Enter lies and fabricated stories
Enter my heart, give me your love
Enter the feeling of falling apart
Entrance filled with scars
Entrance that dares you to come inside
Enter the nightmare, my personal hell
Enter the pit where i fell
Enter the flames which burn me alive
Enter my mind and erase it
Enter before i die.
Silver Heinsaar Aug 2018
I'm allergic to bumblebees
They are yellow and make me sneeze
Hello, my little bumblebee
Would you be so kind and die for me.

A cute, tiny spider
Making web in a corner
Oh honey, you never learn
I light a match and watch you burn.

Which one's my foe
The one crawling in my pants
I'm sorry but no insects.

Ants are fine though
I need them for my experiment
You see this can of spray i bought
It says made for keeping bugs out.
Silver Heinsaar Aug 2018
People who've met me end up needing therapy
A toxic human being, leaving trails of poison on the way
On my knees again, i pray to god to take this pain of constant blame
I need a change, i need an escape, i need to focus on myself.

Same old mistakes, played on repeat
Before the thought of retreat, i've gone too deep
Cave gets flooded and i accept my defeat
So fragile and weak
Why do i persist, why don't you **** me
It's a perfect solution, preventing future becoming grey.

Is there a purpose, a lesson to learn
And how many years will it take to understand
How many lives do i have to destroy
When can i enjoy being alive, did god even plan to give me such time.

With every passing day i feel further from discovering the truth
And when i thought i'll be smarter
The complexity of problems just takes another height
A slap to the face, new boss fight you're bound to die at
Dropping back to the checkpoint where you have to climb all over.

Full of negativity, feelings i've been hiding
Compromise that makes me colder, a slippery *****
And my only hope is to take it slow
Alas, the time won't wait
I'm growing old and can't go on
If only i was told before being born that i should have stayed in womb
Because out in the open everyone around me suffers.
Silver Heinsaar Aug 2018
I swear to god that god isn't real
I never told my dad how much i loved him
I pet my dog to find comfort in this reality
What has become of me, when did it begin.

Figuratively, i'm talking to myself
There's no one else
Surrounded by trials
It's vital to pass them.

Opportunities that once were in reach
Sealed behind metallic bars
Need a chainsaw or something
To break loose from my shackles.

I keep telling myself
It's all in my head
The crackling noises
An invoice that leaves me scared.

You are not prepared
Your damages can't be repaired
You'll bring shame to yourself
It's not your mental health, life's just meaningless.
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