"knawing" poems
There was a story hanging there
from the edge of my bed
but its teller I didn't want to know
so the story went unsaid
I thought I could ignor you hanging there
leave you to gently be
but after days you're still there
I'll admit you terrorise me
You crawl in through my eyelids
to my otherwise peaceful dreams
you mock me as your silence
seems to amplify my screams
and they keep on getting louder
because I keep them locked inside
and so they rage right through me
until everything I once was has died
They ***** my dignity
disemboweled my calm
tortured vociferously
my very entity
after knawing through the logical side of my brain
so that the only part remaining
is the part that is insane
Now as I swing from side to side
from the rope you've spun for me
I see you joyously scurry by
maybe we're both now finally free
And from my perch in heaven
If I ever look back down
I look at you and reflect that
I'd have done it differently second time round
I'd definetly heard you're story
I'd have given it a chance
maybe we could have been great friends
and we could sing and laugh and dance
There's plenty of your kind in heaven
and they're all great dancers too
I regret I didn't know you before
but now I look forward to meeting you
Oct 14, 2012
Oct 14, 2012 at 6:54 AM UTC
Crystals of white for a childs first kiss
***** is temporary bliss
Eyes like lace and teeth like coals
Coughing up bruises and spitting out souls
Breaking waves that bury the sea
Swallowing down all its debris
Fingertips shivering up your spine
Caskets of pills and velvet devine
A mother with shaking hands
Only a whispering brutality understands
Seven for the morning
All to make life slightly more adorning
Pale skin and sleepless nights
Veins covered in cloth while the frost bites
Hollow bones and painless cries
Blood vessels knawing at her thighs
Embroidered pleas
A religion to throw you to your knees
Black lace and the codeine scene
Mar 27, 2015
Mar 27, 2015 at 4:29 AM UTC
Sometimes I think I’m crumbling from the inside out. I can feel a parasite knawing at the coffin encasing my soul and exposing the pretense of overconfidence for what it truly is- dust.
There was a time when a smile from a man on the street made me feel special. Now it tenses my muscles and knocks on the bedroom door of fight and flight. If it came down to it, I know that acceptance would win.
I once saw a TV special about how coffins are becoming larger and larger because of obesity. When I was eleven, my brain was overweight with the awareness of the novel I would write and the ballet company I would star in. Lately, the obesity of my dreams is directly related to the size of the graveyard residing in my brain like an icy sea frozen mid-breath.
My best friend hurts herself because she doesn't think she’s pretty. I renounced my faith a long time ago, but I always pray that she won’t be among the one in four women who are ***** because a man told them they were pretty.
The leering, drunken man outside the movie theater built my coffin. The disease of his hand stroking my shoulder put out the fire in my brain like malaria kills 1.2 million people each year. Like the 1,871 American women who were sexually assaulted today. My skin still crawls where he touched me and my mind still recoils when I catch myself wondering if my oversized sweater and Converse sneakers were too provocative.
Apr 20, 2014
Apr 20, 2014 at 1:12 AM UTC
And 2Morrow
Today is filled with anger
fueled with hidden hate
scared of being outcast
afraid of common fate
Today is built on tragedies
which no one wants 2 face
nightmares 2 humanities
and morally disgraced
Tonight is filled with rage
violence in the air
children bred with ruthlessness
because no one at home cares
Tonight I lay my head down
but the pressure never stops
knawing at my sanity
content when I am dropped
But 2morrow I c change
a chance 2 build a new
Built on spirit intent of Heart
and ideals
based on truth
and tomorrow I wake with second wind
and strong because of pride
2 know I fought with all my heart 2 keep my
dream alive
Nov 17, 2010
Nov 17, 2010 at 8:30 AM UTC
Hail unrequitted love,
ancient poetic rite of passage.
The bullet-burn of countless ant bites
knawing, devouring at young and tender flesh
empties soup-bowl eyes of suppose'd might,
a ringing scream sprawls out of each biological mesh.
You have never felt anything this full-of-feeling.
Never have you been so overcome
with nausea that you have no out
but to *****
You have no choice but to cry:
Yet your sacred spillings prompt
your pen to fly.
May 6, 2010
May 6, 2010 at 8:53 PM UTC
In the depths of my being
In the very core of my souI can feel something stirring
It’s snakes it’s way through me
There is so much of it now it hurts
Hope hurts
The hope that maybe we could be together
Across the sea
You and me
It is an irrsistable thought that nessles itself into my subcouncious
Rearing it’s beautifly stupid head when the very thought could break me
Somewhere inside of me hope lies
And no matter how much I would like to rip it out of my chest and fling it at some fool willing to listen to its soft seductive voice
But alas, I cannot
Because somewhere within me it is stirring
Cooing my name softly
Waiting for me to bite
Not I though
Long ago I fell for its tricks and charms
Now I lock it inside a box inside my heart
Sealing it forever inside me but never in control
Blind it stumbles in that box for a way out
And it found it
When you called me love
In shock, I dropped the key
Right infront of hope
Now it is free and is infesting every cell in my body
Taking over me
Knawing at my insides
So much hope it hurts
Stupid hope
Stupid stupid hope
Jan 6, 2014
Jan 6, 2014 at 1:25 AM UTC
There's far too much
to say about our
invisible electricity, our complicated
simplicity that fills me
with just enough joy
to last me through
my day of toxicity.
To make me hunger
for your sweet, stubbly
kiss that fills the
little hole that was so
viciously knawing
at my soul.
In love, I can't pretend
in life, my bestfriend
I can't stop the emotions
that slowly creep up
expand and distend
foreign feelings, I am
able to happily follow
yet not comprehend.
Apr 26, 2015
Apr 26, 2015 at 11:13 PM UTC
feelings
feel so cold, nothing seems real
feel like i used to feel
when the wheels in my head
stopped going forward
went backwards instead
so many things in my head
that shouldnt be there
shouldnt be anywhere
mabye inside the mind
of some poor ******* that couldnt find
his way through life
clawing, knawing, at his own bones
all the while thinking of home
mind wandering
like mine does all the time
quoting some line
from a film or a song
convincing yourself
thers some hidden meaning in it
for why your life died
and went so badly wrong
and turned to ****
feel so lonely, if only
someone could take my pain away
pain visited me such a long time ago
and stayed
feel lost, feel the cold frost of life
sending a chill down my spine
feel numb
feel like i want to strike out
at anyone and anything
feel like my body isnt even mine
stare past my window
far far away, eyes stray
eyes discuise, the person behind the mask
eyes lie
mask wears me like a second skin
mask hides the people that are within
my head
today my mask will be; don, dedus, donna
mabye someone else instead
feel frightened
feel like i just want to be held
in the arms of someone
that can keep me safe
keep me out of my own hell
thats in my confused mind
feel like my barbedwire thoughts
are so kind, feel blind
unable to see even me
feel like i wasnt conceived
unable to believe i even exist
in this manifestation
cold invitation
of an existance , that is my life
feel like i want my wife, to sort out my life
feel like i cant feel
feel like i want to strip the skin from my bones
feel like i want to go home
feel cold, so very cold, feel old
feel alone
Jun 5, 2014
Jun 5, 2014 at 3:08 PM UTC
Every breath of poison laced with a thought
The chill of the night so full of bitterness
Each passing drag a constant reminder
Forgotten lyrics and discarded melodies dance through my mind
Each line a memory and every tune a moment
Swirling like cold bath water abandoned after use
Consumed by the paralyzing loneliness that only 2 AM knows
Each cloud of smoke an escaping cry from my lungs
My stomach gnarled lurching to be free of this anxiety
The star laden sky looks down on me
A constant reminder of a more pleasant yesterday
The winter winds howl at my cheeks, knawing at my limbs with its icy dead fangs
Suddenly your number illuminates my phone
The algorithm emblazoned into my soul
Goosebumps and shivers emerge from the thought
That maybe you are breathing this poison too
Feb 25, 2016
Feb 25, 2016 at 8:18 PM UTC
wholeness is just out of reach
then it hits me
I am still seeking something
external to make me whole
Instead I now go inward towards
my knawing emptiness
and I make friends with my
suffering and pain
now in my heart there is good soil
for seeds of hope and love to grow
May 19, 2015
May 19, 2015 at 10:10 AM UTC
Folder: CUNTISM
Firelight softens your cruel eyes,
taken by your mystery
I waited for your arm around my shoulder
But it never came
Neither did the passionate kisses
Your hand on my cheek was menacing
I knew the beach sand was soft
I waited eye to eye
I didn't resist your push
I knew what I wanted
I hoped
The soft thud of sand nestling before it scratches
Rough fingers
Drew moistened desire
From deep inside my aching crevice
Without looking away he pulled me free
Naked skin rising to greet warm air
Cruel intentions darkly made their way through me
Pushing past pain and delight
unto a land of torturous confusion
Heightened senses warn of impending danger
I rush to find my own nirvana scraping sand against velveteen
A flicker,
I broke him
he gasped,
fingers dug deep into skin held me there.
As he left,
Deep inside my bones
I felt colder than ever
a sweetness begging like a ***** on heat
knawing at me
Swollen and dripping,
oceans roared indignation in sympathy
A burnt ember,
He knew what I was doing when he walked into the night
Never looking back once.
Feb 26, 2016
Feb 26, 2016 at 7:37 AM UTC
I'm so tired of always being the one to ask,
I'm so tired, knowing it won't change
Unless I stop putting myself out there
I want to know them all
Why does the world seem so big suddenly
Like it's so hard to grasp the reality of
How life used to be, before I went away
Before I remembered what living really meant
Those days seem as simple memories now
Memories though which will never vanish
And cannot seem to leave me be
Constantly poking at my back
Knawing wholes wherever they can
Like worms, they've been eating my body
Along with parts of my soul I thought
Were most profound and least to weaken
Or is it exactly the fact that I envision
A weakness in me I never had before
A softness in which I have found kindness
And a love that dropped all my barriers
What if everything I thought I knew
Was but a deception that I left myself
To fall so tremendlously for
Each time I stopped praying?
How many of the things I did
Were really selfless opposed to
All the times I did those things
To really make myself happy
Rather than all those around me
Rather than the ones I love or
The people that I thought I fought for
What if it's all a lie?
The lie we feed ourselves in order
To be able to live with ourselves
While half the world is at war
While more than half is starving
I thought if you help your community
You do your part in the world
No matter if nothing will ever be enough
Yet.. somehow I have this sense
A sense of incompletion everywhere I look
Or is that simply...because I fell in love?
Sep 8, 2014
Sep 8, 2014 at 6:21 PM UTC
You were like a wild animal
Starved of attention
Self and worth
Knawing at its own limbs
Though your bonds had long been cut
Plucking out each ****** feather
Fraying the edges of freedom
While I watched still holding the knife
Aug 5, 2015
Aug 5, 2015 at 2:40 AM UTC
Who am "I"
As if a personality is a singularity
Am I the Pierot walking the tightrope
Am I the Ghoul eating dead memory
Am I the Well waiting to be fulfilled
The Pierot wears a lovely mask that smiles
But under it he is afraid of falling
The abyss below is one that falls for miles
But when he walks or falls he is alone
The Ghoul haunts the graveyard and battlefields
Knawing at dry skeletal memories
Trying to swallow emptiness that will not yield
As time passes by in a field of headstones
The Well has been polluted for many years
By wishes and secret desires thrown in
All their secrets and wishes ****** onto its ears
It is fullfilled by desires that are not its own
Who am "I"
As if I could find a singularity
As if the Pierot was all
As if the Ghoul wasn't starving
As if the Well wouldn't poison my thoughts
Dec 27, 2015
Dec 27, 2015 at 6:01 AM UTC
Feeling the room stand still
The world shifted
I am awake
Now answering the call
My fear lifted
My bones quake
Mouth serving hand the pill
Your life gifted
Death escapes
Longing for your nightfall
Eternity sifted
Contemplate
Knawing on the hand that feeds
Holding back for fear of greed
Spitting on those in need
Guilty is how we plead
Aug 26, 2016
Aug 26, 2016 at 10:55 PM UTC
this obsession creeping into my veins
your ghost screams so loud sometimes
never forget
it's been a year
you've festered and grown
knawing away at my resolve
the one that got away,
the warmth you bring to my broken soul
a comfort i'd wish would leave like you
Nov 2, 2024
Nov 2, 2024 at 11:52 PM UTC
I'm back and knawing
At the throat of my youth
Torn between branches I've grown
Lifted and then thrown from atop
Dances, I danced with wolves
Howled till the break of dawn
Sorrow when another leaves
Broken when another's taken
I'm here now what, in human form
Will I live to make something
Or will I be just another mistake
We all know why I left, now here
Home: it's a love form that dwells
That never gifted, never sells
Never tries to be more or creates
Now I mourn what I'll make
Repel repel repel
I will make it beautiful
I will try, that is all
I will be, try, make it all
Sep 1, 2017
Sep 1, 2017 at 3:30 AM UTC
it’s moments like this
when i’m looking
at all of those *******
pictures.
football games,
dinner dates,
and just
cuddling in
my old bedroom,
do i realize
the truth.
neither i
nor you
came into
this
expecting
what
would
happen.
we knew
it was
possible.
we knew
all stories
had endings,
and we knew
we’d have
an ending,
some, one
day.
but i’m
looking at
these
******* pictures.
are you,
do you
ever do this?
your front,
right tooth
is chipped.
you always
missed
those
little
cheek hairs
that *******
drove me
insane
enough to chew
them up.
i didn’t see
that we
were chewing,
knawing
each other,
us,
apart.
i want
the very
best for
you
because
i *******
love you.
but, the thought
of you in pictures,
******* pictures,
with somebody else
at some football game,
dinner date,
or their childhood
bed where you were the
first or last,
person to cuddle them in,
isn’t something that
sits well with me.
it’s moments like
this when i realize
that despite the
crazy, ****** up,
what happened,
happened,
happens that
happened,
i’d love to take
another picture,
pictures with
you.
i’d be down
for another
football game or thousands.
i’d be down
for mexican,
chinese,
or whatever
dinner we’d be
digging for
that day.
i’d be down for
you to check out
my new place,
my space,
my bed.
i’d be down to cuddle
away what happened.
i’d be down to never
feel like i do in
moments like this
again.
Feb 5, 2018
Feb 5, 2018 at 9:30 PM UTC
It makes me crazy,
Those knawing pops of color.
Welcome distractions!
Abstracts.
Plentiful letters stuck
To loved ones.
Characters
With layers.
Annoyances
to empty minds.
Friends,
Faithful and familiar.
Electric acquaintances
Jolting perspectives.
Careful and considered.
Almost silent.
All purpose.
Niche.
Violent.
Hypocritical.
Invaluable.
Unnecessary.
Soft.
Solipsary.
May 30, 2017
May 30, 2017 at 11:51 PM UTC