Its not a smile
Its dead eyed bliss
Just drown it all
That's the quick fix
That way you can't
Blow out your mind
You'll just miss

Rather feel boozed
Than anything else
Rather feel used
Than love itself  
Rather be hopeless
Than to be insincere
Rather be hazed
Than to see things clear
Rather dissappear
Than to be right here

Could be surrounded
Still stay alone
Idle time letting my brain roam
Places that it should never go
Everywhere feels like a foreign zone
Feelings have turned so cold
Xanax has me in a monotone
Can't get out of this stronghold
More pills swallowed
Downfall should be followed

Between my eyes theres
Pounding pressure
Sunny days are the same as
Cloudy weather
Wonder when ill get off this
Couch if ever
Staying drugged with dull pleasure
Always manage to **** it up whether
Its a little bit or altogether
What you thought was once was never
Such a strong f**king four letter
Need to take this bond and sever
Just dont know how if ever.

Distorted view
Of what I know is true

Lie to myself
Keep the truth in a box
On my top closet shelf

Lock the door
Incinerate the key

No one here needs to see
That a once happy girl
Has turned into a woman like me

Feels like everyone is looking at me
Expecting more than what comes easily
I can't give them what they want to see

Relief hasn't come to me
Feeling so alone
Feeling so low
When it will stop
I do not know

I feel half whole down to my very core
Everything in me feeling so sore
Without you nothing seems to matter anymore

I sit here and feel so alone
Things in my mind broken

Home doesn't feel like home

Things do change, but it feels so wrong
It turns out, I'm not very strong

Uh-Oh.
My drug abuse has broken loose

Where's my white flag
Wave of truce

The thought of certain pharmaceuticals has me knawing at my cuticles

Not Advil or Tylenol

But the ones that make me feel like I have it all