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Kramenyaw Oct 2013
I don't know why I feel this way
when I see your eyes slowly fading
in the four corners of the room.
You were lying in a king size bed
staring at you losing senses
I see an angel sent from the heaven
I love you when you're asleep

You, lying with your lingerie,
this tempting feeling
it's so ****** but I like too much
wanna kiss you slowly
wanna feel your lips with mine
fresh and warm
a tempest feeling yet sublime

This oozing feeling of pleasure
makes me forget all my pains and sorrow
from the coldness of the night
turns to warmth like sudden distress
of guiltiness that's hard to treasure
Oh! Babe!
wanna feel your caress
wanna feel your wamth
wanna feel your body
wanna feel you touch

The strands of hair all over the pillow
stretch of glory along the horizon
of innocence on a meadow
like ties on a kite
makes you look more ****
wanna hold you tighter and tighter
but I can't hold on too much

It's not that I disrespect you
but watching you sleep pacifies me
like a dangerous drug
it's hypnotizing, heavenly, addicting
wanna stay longer, a little bit longer
I don't wanna lose you girl
Holding back my emotions
Just to watch you sleep

This oozing feeling of pleasure
makes me forget all my pains and sorrow
from the coldness of the night
turns to warmth like sudden distress
of guiltiness that's hard to treasure
Oh! Babe!
wanna feel your caress
wanna feel your wamth
wanna feel your body
wanna feel you touch

It's not that I'm a maniac
I'm just a manic man over in love with you.
My Claudia, it is long since we have met,
So kissed, so held each other heart to heart!
I thought to greet thee as a conqueror comes,
Bearing the trophies of his prowess home,
But Jove hath willed it should be otherwise­
Jove, say I? Nay, some mightier stranger-god
Who thus hath laid his heavy hand on me,
No victor, Claudia, but a broken man
Who seeks to hide his weakness in thy love.

How beautiful thou art! The years have brought
An added splendor to thy loveliness,
With passion of dark eye and lip rose-red
Struggling between its dimple and its pride.
And yet there is somewhat that glooms between
Thy love and mine; come, girdle me about
With thy true arms, and pillow on thy breast
This aching and bewildered head of mine;
Here, where the fountain glitters in the sun
Among the saffron lilies, I will tell­
If so that words will answer my desire­
The shameful fate that hath befallen me.

Down in Jerusalem they slew a man,
Or god­it may be that he was a god­
Those mad, wild Jews whom Pontius Pilate rules.
Thou knowest Pilate, Claudia­ -- a vain man,
Too weak to govern such a howling horde
As those same Jews. This man they crucified.
I knew nought of him­had not heard his name
Until the day they dragged him to his death;
Then all tongues wagged about him and his deeds;
Some said that he had claimed to be their King,
Some that he had blasphemed their deity
'Twas certain he was poor and meanly born,
No warrior he, nor hero; and he taught
Doctrines that surely would upset the world;
And so they killed him to be rid of him­
Wise, very wise, if he were only man,
Not quite so wise if he were half a god!

I know that strange things happened when he died­
There was a darkness and an agony,
And some were vastly frightened­not so I!
What cared I if that mob of reeking Jews
Had brought a nameless curse upon their heads ?
I had no part in that blood-guiltiness.
At least he died; and some few friends of his­
I think he had not very many friends­
Took him and laid him in a garden tomb.
A watch was set about the sepulchre,
Lest these, his friends, should hide him and proclaim
That he had risen as he had fore-told.
Laugh not, my Claudia. I laughed when I heard
The prophecy. I would I had not laughed!

I, Maximus, was chosen for the guard
With all my trusty fellows. Pilate knew
I was a man who had no foolish heart
Of softness all unworthy of a man!
My eyes had looked upon a tortured slave
As on a beetle crushed beneath my tread;
I gloried in the splendid strife of war,
Lusting for conquest; I had won the praise
Of our stern general on a scarlet field;
Red in my veins the warrior passion ran,
For I had sprung from heroes, Roman born!

That second night we watched before the tomb;
My men were merry; on the velvet turf,
Bestarred with early blossoms of the Spring,
They diced with jest and laughter; all around
The moonlight washed us like a silver lake,
Save where that silent, sealed sepulchre
Was hung with shadow as a purple pall.
A faint wind stirred among the olive boughs­
Methinks I hear the sighing of that wind
In all sounds since, it was so dumbly sad;
But as the night wore on it died away
And all was deadly stillness; Claudia,
That stillness was most awful, as if some
Great heart had broken and so ceased to beat!
I thought of many things, but found no joy
In any thought, even the thought of thee;
The moon waned in the west and sickly grew
Her light ****** from her in the breaking dawn­
Never was dawn so welcome as that pale,
Faint glimmer in the cloudless, brooding sky!

Claudia, how may I tell what came to pass?
I have been mocked at when I told the tale
For a crazed dreamer punished by the gods
Because he slept on guard; but mock not thou!
I could not bear it if thy lips should mock
The vision dread of that Judean morn.

Sudden the pallid east was all aflame
With radiance that beat upon our eyes
As from noonday sun; and then we saw
Two shapes that were as the immortal gods
Standing before the tomb; around me fell
My men as dead; but I, though through my veins
Ran a cold tremor never known before,
Withstood the shock and saw one shining shape
Roll back the stone; the whole world seemed ablaze,
And through the garden came a rushing wind
Thundering a paeon as of victory.

Then that dead man came forth! Oh, Claudia,
If thou coulds't but have seen the face of him!
Never was such a conqueror! Yet no pride
Was in it­nought but love and tenderness,
Such as we Romans scoff at; and his eyes
Bespake him royal. Oh, my Claudia,
Surely he was no Jew but very god!

Then he looked full upon me. I had borne
Much staunchly, but that look I could not bear!
What man may front a god and live? I fell
Prone, as if stricken by a thunderbolt;
And, though I died not, somewhat of me died
That made me man. When my long stupor passed
I was no longer Maximus­I was
A weakling with a piteous woman-soul,
All strength and pride, joy and ambition gone­
My Claudia, dare I tell thee what foul curse
Is mine because I looked upon a god?

I care no more for glory; all desire
For conquest and for strife is gone from me,
All eagerness for war; I only care
To help and heal bruised beings, and to give
Some comfort to the weak and suffering.
I cannot even hate those Jews; my lips
Speak harshly of them, but within my heart
I feel a strange compassion; and I love
All creatures, to the vilest of the slaves
Who seem to me as brothers! Claudia,
Scorn me not for this weakness; it will pass­
Surely 'twill pass in time and I shall be
Maximus strong and valiant once again,
Forgetting that slain god! and yet­and yet­
He looked as one who could not be forgot!
a piece of you, in a different form.
a piece left over, from the storm.
in my existance,
came all the resistance.
shortly after, the roof caved in.
& with an end, we watched it begin.
daddy left, you stepped up.
an empty glass, you filled the cup.
little did we know, it had a leak.
it's dripping slowly, as we speak.
over bumps we built bridges, rocky roads we held hands.
next to me, by my side...you'd always stand.

then, my hero ****** up.
he spilt the cup.
but he wasn't to blame,
no guiltiness, no shame.
you mopped the floor,
and again..you poured.
the cup freshly filled...
until the next spill.
the crack grew longer,
our bond grew stronger.
but little by little,
it grew too brittle.

his pillows were fluffed.
mine came unstuffed.
his blankets were warm.
mine came torn.
his bed was made.
but, you see i was afraid.
he didn't come home.
my secret is left : unknown.

i hit a blindspot in your rearview mirror.
i tried to hit the wipers so you'd see clearer.
& i tried with all my might.
to get into your sight.
but he was standing there, in the headlights.
& you...flicked on your brights.
there, i stopped, i tumbled...i fell.
no mean to get up, no energy to compell.

so now, i'll try and help you understand,
why i only hold plastic cups in my hand.
i was tired of competing with the one who broke the cup.
and watching, everytime, as you filled it up.
i was tired of running, when he got to walk.
i was tired of staying silent, when he got to talk.
i didn't know you had to fail, in order to win.
i didn't know you had to say goodbye, in order to begin.
April 29, 2010
Raven Feels Apr 2021
DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, maybe we are granted the gift of falling for us to rise up stronger---never suppress what you are feeling even if it is bad---better to let go now rather than haunt you forever;>


Lost in her guiltiness she looks for peace

Lost in herself she looks for the truth

Lost in her mind she looks for a sense

Lost in her thoughts she looks for an escape

Lost in her own lands she realizes the emptiness

Then lost in her emptiness she gathers her bricks and stones

to shield up her demons into a indispensable wall


                                                                             ------ravenfeels
nabilah Jul 2019
have you ever
hurt someone
you love
and
it hurts you too?
Jessica Head Sep 2013
Trapped.
Hurt.
Locked Up.
Only If I Can Escape My Mind.
And Speak Up.
Thoughts I Can‘t Bare.
Hate My Own Guts.
Guiltiness.
Sorriness.
Day‘s I Wished That Never Happened.
People I Wished That Were Never On This Earth.
I Just Want To Dig A Hole And Never Come Out.
Nothing But Emptiness.
Rusty Mind.
Dull days.
Cold Heart.
Hopeless.
People.
I‘m Going ******* Insane Staying Away.
Try Atleast Look On The Brightside.
Noah Sep 2018
Beauty of this effortless.
I did not come to swallow of guilty tongue,
Though rightfully, it has been made done.
Having been I to pronounce in unrightful bearing,
Brought down in redeeming unveil in the turning toward you.
My eyes were told to ration my love in foreign experiences,
Such a time that I couldn’t hold back.
Time ran like a moment of memory,
Which was the cause for all motion to remain.
Your defining passerby moment made me consume silence,
Unfolded your presence, expressed your moment to not forget.
Showing guiltiness of my dissonant mind.
Beauty of not any effort, I became an atonement and could not say.
Forthwith that moment, this stride, yours.
To glimpse what I became aware.
Seamlessly this path was made more.
Evermore I mourn to relive it.
A Cop who has heard everything in the book
Except this one statement
"I swear to DWI i'm not drunk"
It's a clear example of guiltiness wrapped around incoherent speech from impairment
brooke myers Jul 2015
I would like to die.
Wait…
let me rephrase that
I am dieing
slowly
painfully
in my own guilt
I’ve never really felt happiness
just sorrow and pain
and a pinch of guiltiness
I know how to swim but not as well as my demons do..
if you know what that means
you can only understand
truly if you’ve been through what i’ve been through.
I’m dying and i’m happy while  dying
I like to be in pain.
Is that insane?
yeah it is.
oh well does it look like I really care?
I hope not because I really dont give a ****.
I like dying
I know i don’t look happy but thats ok i’ll only be here for a little longer
Jason Schnepper Feb 2015
Sometimes I wish
I never even would have met you, baby
you painted such an ugly picture
now I swear I'm going crazy
the drugs that you on
really got you where you hate me
its just so hard to forget
once you was my special lady
the games that you playing ,
it's not the same  my heart is aching
and you saying that you love me
but leaving my heart breaking
we don't belong even in my heart i know it's wrong
gotta get myself moving on
never  knew love could be so painful
bring tears to your eyes
that angel that you thinking of
only hurts you deep inside
every night you lie awake
nothing changed still the same
searching through your thoughts
as your heart tries to explain
all the heartache and the pain
the guiltiness and the shame
the heart break
baby can you tell me who's to blame
there used to be a time we was so in love
it was you baby doll i was thinking of
and all my troubles just fade away
never make it feel like yesterday
baby you never make it feel like yesterday...........

my link... http://youtu.be/3L6Vi-lIIKU
No words on a page nor words aloud can make up for this,
In such times, I long to have that first kiss.
Boy I ****** up, failed you one last time,
Now this guiltiness inside proves I committed the crime.

By now I have, upset who I love most,
But yay to moving on, let us praise it in toast.
Oh wait, this is no time for good cheer,
When I ****** up big time, and failed you my dear.

I am a two face, I see it clear as day,
It goes against everything I do and the words that I say.
Im not a liar, I am a monster inside,
I know this, by the tears you have cried.

If you can take me, and love me right now,
I'll make it up to you, I don't care how.
You are all I care for most on this Earth,
The flames of my love burn bright from this hearth.
We all make mistakes and are to learn from them.
Not once but twice tonight have I ruined it all.
Wouldnt count that as learning but then who am I to talk.
This time is worse, far greater than before, Imma a lover not a fighter but ill fight all and all to keep you.
mark fishbein May 2018
Perhaps when it all comes out in the open,
All the white lies, the little lies, the epic lies,
Of how we responded to the crying planet,
All will be said in a courtroom of compassion.
The lawyers remove their heavy wigs
And plead my case of guiltiness-

“Your honor, the defendant was no more
Able to change the tide than a red ant
Among billions on a jungle floor.
He took his few tons from the planet-
He took what he needed but no more;
He attended all conservation events.
He voted to save bees and elephants,
He abstained from swordfish to save the oceans,
Avoided pesticides and toxic lotions;  
He fervently supported free abortions.
And bicycled to save the ozone
(When it was sunny and not too cold).
He purchased ripe fruits from Whole Foods.
He recycled books, old boots and shoes.
He forbade polyester to touch his skin.
He kept his flushes to a minimum.
His got 28 miles per gallon in town.
He never was seen throwing garbage around. "

"Your honor, the murderers of the buffaloes
Have been pardoned by the courts long ago-
It is true, he killed a rooster and a kangaroo,
But evidence shows they were clearly confused
With no reason to be loitering on the roads.  
This man is unjustly accused, and if I must say,
Writes poems about the birdsong in May.
From where I sit, the court must acquit!”  

                                                          
The trial continues daily, like reality TV,
But nothing seems to alter prophecies.
What good if I set myself ablaze
Like the Buddhist in the center of Broadway-
I am haunted by a future I cannot explain
Trying to live out my life without blame.

The next generations are unknowable beings-
They will find their beaches in the rising tides
Made of plastic corals and robotic fish;
They will play in virtual forests with android slaves;
With perfect teeth and perfect pitch
The genetically enhanced go off to the galaxies,
In search of planets to greedily consume,
To spread the seeds of the earth and start anew.
What can a simple man as I know of such things?

The jury gives verdicts dispassionately-
For now I’m out on bail, I’m free to go,
No more guilty than my brethren of old
Who slayed the mammoth and fantastical dodo.
Will our children ask, “Why didn’t you act?”-  Al Gore...    
good question!
abigail Jun 2014
I wish I could break myself into a million little pieces.
I want to be used for fun.
Not used to **** the pain.
I wish I could hide.
I wish I could scream at her to out me down!
With a year streaming down her face, she crawls to me for comfort.
I'm afraid to witness the outcome again.
I cause more bad than good at times.
"Put me down," I cry.
She can't hear me though.
My voice is a whisper compared to the devil shouting on her shoulder.
"Take another sip," he scoffs at her.
She listens.
Her children come home and empty me down the drain.
I feel a sudden relief,
Until the next day.
The cycle never ends.
Sadness makes her start.
Guiltiness makes her finish.
And the next day, at the liquor store,
Regret makes her start all over.
Mirela S Jul 2017
I listen how the sky covers my soul,
Seconds are flowing over my shutted eyes,
I cry, I laugh, I run and then I’m me anew,
It rains again over my girded cheeks...

I’m troubling the sigh with light-arrangements
I just hide the sparkle of the stars in my eyes
I knead the present that has no guiltiness
Stopping the sad but persistent evil fate’s eye.

I do not seek the obscure, nor yelling for the mystic!
I know they’re all caught in a dance:
Untidy round dance... just breeze is a hypnotic
Who’s found in love’s passion a place...

listening Ennio Morricone - Le vent, le cri
brooke myers Jul 2015
I would like to die.
Wait…
let me rephrase that
I am dieing
slowly
painfully
in my own guilt
I’ve never really felt happiness
just sorrow and pain
and a pinch of guiltiness
I know how to swim but not as well as my demons do..
if you know what that means
you can only understand
truly if you’ve been through what i’ve been through.
I’m dying and i’m happy while  dying
I like to be in pain.
Is that insane?
yeah it is.
oh well does it look like I really care?
I hope not because I really dont give a ****.
I like dying
I know i don’t look happy but thats ok i’ll only be here for a little longer
PYG's Whisper Aug 2018
3 am in the morning
Everybody is sleeping
Some of them are snoring
Maybe others are boozing
And the rest making out and moaning
Conclusion, everyone’s enjoying this night
Doing this doing that
Everybody is busy somehow
Only me lying on this 30 years old sofa
Listening to 90s boring música
And drinking my 3rd bottle of cola
Conclusion again, my prosaic life bores me to tears
Dear TV,
Why don’t these couples within you break up?
They brawl everyday
I don’t understand how they can have 4 children?
Are they ******* human or am I an alien?
Come sit with me and tell me the story
Of those girls that you call **** dolly
I’ve bought a million mirrors
But they all shattered before uttering a **** thing to me
My friends always stick a winkey on my empty yellow smiley
They say mine is so freaking spooky
Honesty I do adore seeing my body wearing on
That pinky ***** they call cutie pouty
Because No one cares either I look nasty or shapely
I’m neither sad nor mad
I’m not jealous but I’m completely pooped
Sick of acting in several movies in one day
I admit that I’m a phony actress
And an unpretty liar
I don’t hate myself but I don’t like it anyway
I’m not blaming you but I can’t get over you
I wish I could turn back time and try to be good for you
One more chance to look prettier than her
One more chance to act cuter than her
Please say it wasn’t my fault if I’m replaced by her
Please help me shut down this voice of guiltiness deep in my heart
I’m begging you to give me one last chance to be better than her
But I can see your beautiful smile smacking your mouth when you look at her
Yes I know you’re living happily now ‘cause of her
So I'm dying to Ctrl C ~ Ctrl V her,
I'm craving to try her up, to feel her, touch her and **** her gravity just to be her
‘Cause she is the one I should’ve been to make you stay
And I’m the one you shouldn’t have met from the start
Try Her Up, is a poem that describes this kind of frustration when you can't get over your ex, while he's enjoying a new romance with someone new and you wish to be that girl to get back your dead love. PS: Art Cover Characters By : KakaoTalk Friends.
Jo Morris Dec 2017
Thoughts running through my head. Feeling alone again. As hard as they try, their left misunderstood.
   Wearing chains of anger, regret, and guiltiness. The keys have been swallowed.
   Surviving on the motivation and hope's nowhere to be found.
   Running the white line, like a fugitive on the run. Not knowing what I'm running from. Not knowing where I'm going.
    Steadily, I'm slowing; I was suppose to be more. Where are the dreams? The older ones we grow, the colder the world seems.
  Breathing in the smoke, blow away the ambition and dedication. So many questions, so little time.
   The age of innocence, we find to be our prime.
   Life is the greatest trick of all time. Bittersweet, just to be alive.
   To feel something, only to have it taken away.
    Living for the moment, but the moment is dark.
   Put our hearts into love, but it tears us apart.
I know the guiltiness of a dusty Bible
Brown specks slipping off my *******
Diminishing into my morning coffee,
To make the blend taste a whole lot bitter

Empty sentiments; too deep to be openly cast-off,
Once of someone who had the heart to their devotion
Nowadays it had proved heartless;- so fruitless:

Still a tree is judged by its fruits.
Sometimes silence is the loudest cry for help....
Because anyone can fall for what can be seen and can be heard...but it takes that special soul to unveil what lies beneath the dermis, and listen the words that remain unspoken !!

The person behind that silence has no shame guiltiness and that person expecting own life with lots of positive happiness.

Lying here wide awake on my own now. Silence is the loudest cry. I'm safe but I've lost everything I've known. I can smile because the pain has gone. But cry because it's where I'm from. God I turn to You to make me strong again.
Yielded pink bundle of joy
self determined autonomous millennial
relocated University of Pennsylvania
Engineering graduate class of 2019
calls Oakland, California home
(employed at Certified B Corporation)
lives with her lovely beau,
and two beautiful tortoiseshell cats.

December twenty second
two thousand twenty one
marks her twenty fifth birthday
punctuated with stunning
successful track record,
in sum re: conscientious, industrious,
and unpretentious
a whip smart young woman.

The above summarized unbiased opinion
courtesy me, her sexagenarian birth father,
whose aforementioned progeny,
she consciously contributes beneficence,
eminence, and magnificence
thru unbridled aura, charisma, and dogma,
she did/doth steadfastly groom.

No handbook (as promised
by manufacturer to boot
ever preceded by Sir-vex
gently coaxed courtesy
Sir Lance - Alot), nor followed suit
leaving nervous dada
in the dark spooked by a hoot
at onset, when our bundle of joy
more valuable than any amount of loot.

Never could this baby boomer papa
imagine how thee first of our deux daughters,
would invite learning me
how to comprehend
unfamiliar infant signalling
siren ear splitting strife,
and mandatory pronto reception,
unwittingly, opportunistically, ineluctably
glorifying, edifying, contributing,
enriching, altering for mein kampf.

Prior to parturition of our eldest progeny,
parent trap posed challenge
of lifetime Yukon bet
necessitating newly minted father
to oblige himself at expense
accruing sleep debit
cuz baby demanded, obliged, and required
his constant attention,
whereby he quickly learned
how tender loving care proffered

on behalf of infant
every waking and sleeping second,
minute, and quotidian hour
took precedence lest guiltiness
materialize begetting emotional debt,
nevertheless despite initial onset
of anticipatory anxiety no pet
tee personal issue; burping baby,
diapering, swaddling, et cetera
forced displacement of mine personal habits,

which become secondary, tertiary, quaternary...
cuz ye felt helpless to do otherwise,
thus natural born instincts found thee
to wail away uninterruptedly
obviously, seriously and visibly upset
to keep figurative whet
stone sharp every waking
and sleeping moment
of prized, loved, and cherished
your existence yet.

An adjustment mandated
yours truly to kickstart incumbent role
and immediately adapt to paternal nurture
nine months after procreation
to refocus shift from self to infant
twenty four hours, seven days a week
ofttimes lugging stroller and offspring
down flight of stairs
we occupied a one bedroom flat

atop second floor
at Pennfield Manor not heaven sent
situated within breathing distance
of Hatfield slaughterhouse five
jumpstarting odoriferous scent
when butcher plunged knife
into vitals of animal,
whose will to live slain creature
probably did feebly vent.
Pamela Dapuran Jun 2019
I was stuck between dream and reality
Tearing off every part of me,
Scattering every part of me
Never realize my mistakes 'til I'm lying awake

Drowned by my greedy thoughts
Feeling the sensation of pleasure
The guiltiness just strike right through me
Unaware of what is truth and lie

Staring right through my soul,
Only emptiness can be seen
A broken soul, a sinner
I still prayed for my prayers to be heard
For I wish God would forgive me
Cyclone Dec 2019
Depict a man's position as conflicted if he feels convicted, but do we listen to his fiction if it changed positions, his use of diction hit precision when I saw his vision, so do I question his condition if he feels it's instant?, there's no solidity if misery will pity thee, sinner's hostility will draw inner facility, false innocence embedded left him when his heart had said it, so let his guiltiness unfold if his soul was dreaded.
Ayushi Jan 2020
You can never feel what I'm going thru. This time when life has become dilemma ,where I'm surrounded by the clouds of guiltiness
When i know I'm constantly doing wrong but can't correct it,
when I'm left regretting,
when i cry to sleep,
when I'm hating myself
When...
When i need you the most,
You chose to let me down.
But why??
You know i trust you the most,
You know you are my home,
My favourite place to go..
You know..that i love you
Do u feel me?
Ok.. don't..just don't do this.
Do you hear me?
Or do other sounds cover mine?
Everybody see me smiling and lively,
Do YOU ever feel how i manage doing it?
With a hope that you'll be mine,
And not finding you here
Do you even ever think how i keep coping with life?
Do you even ever think about me?
Will you ever be mine?
Will you ever be able to love me the way i do you??
N don't worry, I've gotta my answers.
Hope you get too looking at my coffin.

— The End —