beauty and honesty slowly escaped from me,
i made my way to you, and i held you like the sun was all i bled, where i lay, melting between where they walk, imposing their concrete and asphalt trucks onto one another.
and i felt it for the first time, pouring it into the holes after the fact and coming back to be reminded, to be reassured.
offering my hands, wet and clean, and thinking back to when i used to believe that everyone is **** and that skin is skin. and that it's okay, and that it's only natural, and that...
i'm so ******* frustrated, with ambitions that dance and mock this hospital bed. and i'm so dry now, and i'm peeling, well beyond the point of contemplating the execution, lost somewhere in thoughts and fears, i'm so dry, i'm so dry, so please. just let me complain, just grant me this wish with no conditions, or let me defy them because i'm only human, and god i have urges, and god any means of coping is poking holes above my head, just enough to open, just enough to get by.
this human body, mortal and fragile, a million positions. prone to lose everything desirable with eyes that won't see it any other way. a distant, longing relationship with my name. don't leave.
written at some point in 2017